The non-baby Boom

[Shadowy Lady]

Hi ladies,

I saw this article in MacLean's and thought I share it here:

https://www.macleans.ca/society/the-no-baby-boom/

I'm 32 and have a 19 months old daughter. Hubby and I were married 7 years ago but chose to wait until we were 30 to have children. I have many friends 30+ who are now getting pregnant or no way near it or want to ever have kids and that's peferctly fine. I don't see why it should be called a syndrom or anything....

What are your thoughts on this? I honestly find it odd that the society is still so judgemental of women who chose to not have kids.

 

[lhancock90]

I think its insane to judge women or men with no desire for children. Its a life choice like any other, why does it matter?

 

[emyandpotato]

Surely it's a good thing?! The world is way too overpopulated with the way we are living in Western society so fewer children is hardly a problem.

 

[Bex84]

I dont get why you would judge someone for it. It is a personal choice. I always wanted to be a mummy, i had my first lo at 26, i had been with dh since 19 and married at 24. I got actually more comments at work of how young i was to have a baby lol. I know people who want to travel, build up career and build up affluence. Just because i want children does not mean everyone will especially with woman often been held back with career if time off for children. Its a big life choice and i know a few people who dont want children

 

[Shadowy Lady]

thanks ladies. I don't think there is flat out there judgement but more of a subtle one. As the article says, 1 in 5 women in US, Canada and Australia now chose not to have kids (at least not until past 35) so you would think it was not seen as a "syndrom"....

I'm a career women and admit that having Sofia has set me back for 3 years or so even though i was on leave for only 11 months. I love my baby and would not trade her for the world...but I can also see why some ppl will chose to focus on their career .

 

[Bex84]

to be honest I think its good people decide what they really want from life. You don't want to be resentful of your children if you feel forced by societies pressures and it impacts on how you want to live, and it isn't selfish to decide that. Gosh one of my sisters friends just had a baby naturally at 50 when she was about to retire. Not everyone is the same. Several people I went to uni with hate children and never want kids

 

[Caite]

I do think women should have a choice about if or when they have children. But, biologically, I think it is a little bit strange when women choose not to have children as pretty much every other animal has an inbuilt desire to have offspring and pass on their genes, at any cost.

 

[BlueWater]

I'm 26, have no children but I want to wait to sort out my career/business until having children. By which time I'll probably be 32ish...

Don't get me wrong. I want to have children as much as the next person. But for me it's best to sort out my career.

By my 30's, society would just look at the outside, and see me and say 'shes too old to have children' etc etc. Society can become judgemental, and I think it's to do with the fact something doesn't follow the "norm"

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Bluewater - I think it depends on your location. I also chose to focus on my career first and had my first child at 30 (i was married 5 years by then). But no one judges me as I don't know anyone who had children before 30. I live in Ottawa, Canada.

I have a friend who's a OB in a majour hospital here in Ottawa. She said about 80% women who deliver at her hospital are in their 30's.

Caite - I don't think it's as strange because though we have a lot in common with other animals, we also are different. We can actually priotize things and we don't just go based on instinct.

 

[Bex84]

We made sure we were finacially ready. I would have loved a baby earlier. I finished qualifying for career, got experience, we bought house and are financial stable, enough so i can be sahm while they arnt at school. I think people just proritise differently

 

[vermeil]

meh Macleans is a very conservative publication. I find i disagree with at least 80% of what they publish, so I'm not surprised. They list Pénélope McQuade as a journalist but she`s a radio host

the earth is becoming overpopulated! Imagine when the billion chinese are finally rich enough to afford cars and all the extras we enjoy Of course have children if you want but I have many happy fulfilled childless friends. I do wish there was less stigma to it.

Here in Quebec we have public, high quality 7$/day daycare which offers parents the choice to go back to work if they want. It`s created a small baby boom. My sister in Ottawa by comparison pays 60$ a day!!

I had my first at 38 and I have my 3 month old sitting in my lap as I type this and I'm 42. Wouldn`t change a thing

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Vermeil - I've always been jealous of daycare cost in QC. I'm in Ottawa too and pay $40 per day which is supposed to be great for here. Most of my friends have had their baby at 35 or older. I'm like the "baby" mom lol!

 

[Sarahkka]

I think it is nuts how much pressure my friends who chose no kids get about how much they are missing out, etc. I would much rather someone choose no kids than feel pressured into having kids they aren't really sure they want! Surely, that's a no-brainer?

 

[steph.]

I think society is changing and there isnt as much stigma about it as there used to be. I am 28 and had my babies at 26 and 27, but I am in the minority. Most of the people I went to school and uni with dont have kids, and they are much further in their career. When I had my emcs for example the doctor helping the OB was an intern that I used to supervise, that really brought home the two completely different pathways our lives have taken.

I dont judge people for putting their careers first and not wanting kids but to be honest I dont understand it. I would much rather be up at 3am looking after my kids than up at 3am performing a c-section on a stranger. But thats just me, and luckily there are people who think differently.

 

[Jes.shortcake]

Most women I know say they always knew they wanted kids..or vice versa. But for me..it wasn't like that at all. I wasn't 100% sure I wanted kids. I went back and forth. Sometimes when I thought I did want kids..I'd think, do I really want kids or is it because society tells me I should have kids? Is it because we're brought up to believe we'll meet someone, fall in love, get married and have 2.5 kids and live happily ever after? Then I'd have my selfish days where I thought I didn't want kids. I knew a lot of people who had kids young...and I liked my freedom. I liked being able to go out and have fun and not have to worry about anyone but myself. I liked taking off with my sister on a whim to concerts out of town, staying in crappy hotels, after parties, and making amazing memories.

I also had a great dad growing up and didn't want to cheat any potential children out of that. So I knew if the time came I wasn't going to settle in that department just because my clock was ticking. I didn't want a child with a guy just because I was in love with him. Most of the guys I fell for weren't "dad material". And I certainly knew that just because you have a baby..doesn't mean a guy will change.

I went back and forth so much, not knowing what I wanted that I eventually just had enough and decided to just live my life and see where it took me. We're constantly growing and changing. Who I am now isn't who I was 5 years ago..and so on. So the fact that I wasn't sure..just meant I wasn't meant to have them at that moment.

It wasn't until i was with OH for a couple years that I started leaning more toward having children. Our relationship was growing, we were growing, and we started to settle down. After a couple years of being a boring couple..we grew even closer. We weren't just boyfriend and girlfriend..he was my best friend, my partner, my new family. And that's when I knew. It wasn't just that I wanted a child. I wanted that family and I had found someone who i could see being the father of my child. I was 30 when I had our LO.

Now we have our son..and it's hard to imagine our life without him.

Anyway..sorry for the novel..it's just something I've thought about a lot.

It's just sad that women are looked at a certain way because their childless..it's either with pity or wondering what's wrong with them that they didn't want kids. I totally understand why some women don't want kids..independence, freedom, good sleep, more energy for lol, more time and money for yourself. Being a mom is hard and requires A LOT of sacrifice..so I understand it's not for everyone.

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I always wanted children but I can understand why some people don't have that desire and wouldn't judge anyone or think them weird for it. I guess most people do have that desire biologically but nowadays times have changed and women have opportunities to have careers and achieve goals that they wouldn't have maybe 100 years ago, so goals and ambitions change. People shouldn't feel they have to have children because it's the 'norm' and something you just do when they don't really have the desire to have them or want that life really

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Jes.shortcake - I understand what you are saying. I was similar except I always knew I wanted children but I knew also I didn't want them until after 30. Luckily my hubby was also on the same page.

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

If you have kids and stay at home you're labelled work shy
If you have kids and work you're labelled parent shy
If you have no kids your labelled as a socialite.

We can't bloody win

 

[Sarahkka]

If you have kids and stay at home you're labelled work shy
If you have kids and work you're labelled parent shy
If you have no kids your labelled as a socialite.

We can't bloody win

I wonder if men have this problem?
(written in sarcasm font)

 

[Shadowy Lady]

If you have kids and stay at home you're labelled work shy
If you have kids and work you're labelled parent shy
If you have no kids your labelled as a socialite.

We can't bloody win

I wonder if men have this problem?
(written in sarcasm font)

hahahah nope! And if men help with the kids they are labeled as "dad of the year"