They no longer click

[laura109]

I have a 4 year old. She has a best friend that weve seen weekly from her being 9 months. His mum is a good friend of mine. Weve done the last 3.5 of parenting supporting eachother. We take the kids for walks, picnics and park plays. Weve just got them both into the same school.

As they have got older my friends little lad has become the calmer sensitive one. He is an only child. My daughter has a brother and has become more playful in a rougher way. She seems to wind him up as he cries easily. I dont blame him sometimes but other times he wont even hold hands with my daughter and run with her etc. My daughter then gets frustrated and will pull him along or playfully poke him resulting in him crying. I tell my daughter off and correct her. My friend hugs her little boy. I always feel bad. Dd will do things like throw grass in a field at him, take his hat of him and put it on her head, jump on the swing just before him. He again gets upset. I do correct my dd but i think shes just struggling to play with him and is not sure how to play with him. She wants him to chase her back or laugh. Obviously she is only 4 and thinks its fun.

The last two times dd has ended up frustrated as everything she does makes him sad. Im sick of yelling in the street and removing her from parks. Sometimes i just cant get her to listen.

Today we met for a dog walk. As soon as we met them my friend said her little boy had been crying and did not want to see my dd. I felt so sad. I knealt down and td my dd to be really kind to him. She nodded and put her hand out to him. He said no, im not your friend you make me cross. She tried again and he said no i dont want to be best friends with you. We walked to the park and he did not want to mix with her. After a few minutes she poked him in frustration with a foam toy he had. So i decided to take her home. She sobbed as i dragged her away. I realised that she had just been told her friend no longer liked her and i could see her little face was confused. She tried to hug him but he kept saying he was not her friend. My friend told my dd she needed to be good. She does not seem to say her ds is sensitive. She suggested trying again tommorow or next week. I said that it was not fair on her son if he did not want to see her then it was best to leave it. I have had so many words with her about being kind to him and i realise now that i dont want to keep giving her grief for having a stronger personality, as half the time shes frustated because he is so emotional. I know its both of them. Sometimes it is my dd. Othertimes hes upset over minor things. She is also kind and loves running about and chasing. She does this with her brother. I do not stand for any pushing, hitting etc. But if i shout at her everytime she takes his leaf or runs off with his hat i feel i am getting at her far too much.

Anyhow i feel sad that they no longer click as it means we cant meet up now. Knowing he cries before they come to see us tells me they need to go seperate ways now and just play with their nursery friends etc. It was really awkward today and i felt my dd did not stand a chance. I dont want to put my dd through it now or my friends son. They are both lovely kids with different personalities. I thnk my friend is putting it all on my daughter rather than saying her son can be emotional. I know his nursery have said he is a sensitive little boy.

Anyone been in this boat?

 

[justonemore31]

Wow. It def does sound like it's the both of them but they're only 4 and growing into themselves. It's all a phase on both ends and I think the best thing to do would be to leave it alone. They'll see one another in school and as they're in school she will learn to not be so pushy and he will learn to not be so sensitive. They'll learn from other kids plus I'm sure the teacher will intervene. Again they're only 4 and I'm sure this isn't how it'll always be. Most likely they'll find their way back to one another. I def wouldn't push it. Also it shouldnt affect your friendship w his mother.