Think I need to make myself comfortable here now.

[Helena_]

I've floated in and out of here but I think it's time to make myself comfortable here.
January 1st marks the second year since we stopped using protection. It's been weighing heavily on me and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I recently found out that I have PCOS and was put on Clomid . My first round of Clomid didn't work (it was 50mg) and was put on 100 mg and 500 mg of Metformin. I FINALLY ovulated. I was so ecstatic. I still am but at 7dpo I seem to be losing hope. I don't know why, but I just don't think I'm pregnant. I do have a ton of symptoms but I know it's just from the clomid. I find out my progesterone levels tomorrow and really hope they are high enough. I've just hit a low right now. I wake up and take my temp and the only thing I look forward to all day is seeing what my temp will be the next day. I can't wait to go back to sleep just so I can see my new temp and if it lowers it ruins my day. I always knew that I would have a hard time getting pregnant (ever since I was 13…it was just a feeling) and felt rather vindicated when I found out I was having a hard time. But now? Now I wish I was wrong (well, I always did). Now I HATE that maybe always thinking I would have a hard time is the reason I am having a hard time. I know it's the PCOS but why? I wish I never used to lie to the doctors about my missing periods (because I didn't want to hear the lecture about being pregnant) because maybe they may have found it earlier and I wouldn't be having these problems.

I just don't know how to deal. Infertility is not something anyone should have to face. why the hell do I have to face it?

 

[Skoer1360]

It gets hard for everyone, the monthly disappointment, the negative tests, the meds, etc but hopefully we will all get that bundle of joy that's worth it all

 

[Helena_]

I always felt that this horrible journey will make us love our kids more than anyone could every love their kids. With all this effort we put in, I think we already love them more than anything

 

[Skoer1360]

That's how I'm starting to feel. Just knowing that I still want this baby even after all of this struggle and to know what I went through emotionally and physically makes the bond even stronger Now I just need a baby to bond to! hehe

 

[Helena_]

had a look at your chart. So jealous of your temp jumps! haha

 

[Skoer1360]

thanks, I never have that big of a jump usually and I had a mild freakout whether my thermometer wasn't working but after the jump I feel soooo much better. They moved around my Clomid days so I was kinda worried it would be off or screw something up, it didn't though ov'd only a day late.

 

[Helena_]

what were your days previously?

 

[Skoer1360]

sept: 14
oct: 16
nov: 13
dec: 15

lol, so maybe I'm not so regular on the ovulating day, I guess the 14th just sticks in my head cuz that's a normal ov time

oh or did you mean the Clomid days?

 

[Helena_]

oh I meant what days were you taking clomid?

 

[Skoer1360]

days 5-9 but since I have such excessive spotting they 'moved' cd1 to the first day of spotting instead of the first day of red flow but I'm still taking the Clomid 5-9.. also they're testing progesterone this month too but I go in on Thursday for that.