Think I'm over-reacting?

[DivaSatanica]

Hey girls. Here's my current issue. I'm not with FOB, haven't been since about 16 weeks into the pregnancy. Long story short, we lived together for 6 mths, were together for 1.5 yrs. We lived with all our kids (my two his one). He didn't want me to have this baby and told me on at LEAST 10 occasions that he wanted me to have an abortion.

I moved out with my kids, back in June. Have been having off and on contact with him since. As soon as he realized I was keeping the baby, he started acting like father of the year. Telling everyone he's going to be a dad again, etc. My best friend is the daycare provider for his daughter, so I get "the scoop" on him all the time. He has now moved his daughter into one of the larger bedrooms in his house and is preparing a nursery for the baby. LMFAO, over my dead body will he be having the LO overnight. I've already told him he can come to my house anytime to see the baby, but he is NOT leaving the house with him.

Well now he's posted on his facebook that he has been excluded from the naming process and he will call the baby "Junior", no matter what his given name is. He doesn't know that I've seen his FB wall. Now all the correspondence between us, he keeps referring to the baby as "Jr". I asked him why he keeps saying that, instead of "our son" "the baby", etc. He cut off the conversation immediately.

Do you think I'm over-reacting that his plan is to call the baby "Junior" all the time? I'm super pissed about it. The baby needs to get used to being called by his proper name. BTW, FOB is a total control freak and this is one more way for him to feel like he's controlling the situation.

 

[Dopeyjopey]

does he know the name you've chosen? I would want FOB to call A by his name, but if he developed a nickname for him then i would be ok with it. Sounds a bit like male bravado to me though x

 

[DivaSatanica]

does he know the name you've chosen? I would want FOB to call A by his name, but if he developed a nickname for him then i would be ok with it. Sounds a bit like male bravado to me though x

I haven't chosen a name as of yet. I wouldn't have a problem with him calling him "Junior" (or any other nickname) if that were the source of it. I guess it boils down to me knowing he is only doing it to be spiteful. Again, he doesn't realize that I've seen his FB page.......but its all there in black and white, that is ONLY calling him that because he's been excluded. Bah, I hate this.

 

[Dopeyjopey]

does he know the name you've chosen? I would want FOB to call A by his name, but if he developed a nickname for him then i would be ok with it. Sounds a bit like male bravado to me though x

I haven't chosen a name as of yet. I wouldn't have a problem with him calling him "Junior" (or any other nickname) if that were the source of it. I guess it boils down to me knowing he is only doing it to be spiteful. Again, he doesn't realize that I've seen his FB page.......but its all there in black and white, that is ONLY calling him that because he's been excluded. Bah, I hate this.

I'm probably too soft to give advice in stuff like this but would you be willing to include him? Maybe list your favourite 5 names and let him choose? Or let him have the middle name? I let FOB choose A's name (with my agreement) and ended up with the name I wanted anyway! x

 

[DivaSatanica]

does he know the name you've chosen? I would want FOB to call A by his name, but if he developed a nickname for him then i would be ok with it. Sounds a bit like male bravado to me though x

I haven't chosen a name as of yet. I wouldn't have a problem with him calling him "Junior" (or any other nickname) if that were the source of it. I guess it boils down to me knowing he is only doing it to be spiteful. Again, he doesn't realize that I've seen his FB page.......but its all there in black and white, that is ONLY calling him that because he's been excluded. Bah, I hate this.

I'm probably too soft to give advice in stuff like this but would you be willing to include him? Maybe list your favourite 5 names and let him choose? Or let him have the middle name? I let FOB choose A's name (with my agreement) and ended up with the name I wanted anyway! x

I wish it were that simple. We've been arguing about names all along. We have complete opposite opinions of names. He wants the babe to have his step fathers name as the middle name. I say hell no......his parents have had NOTHING to do with the pregnancy, therefore my son will not be named after either of them. Its just a huge bullshit situation.....I keep trying to keep things civil between us, he is good about it for a short period of time, then intentionally pushes my buttons. We stop talking for a few weeks, then the cycle starts all over again.

I know my "issues" are minor in comparison to some.....but my first two kids I was married to their father so none of these situations happened.....I didn't have to worry about access, support, naming, court, etc.

 

[Dopeyjopey]

It is so hard to know what to do isn't it. Just go with a name you like and if FOB does kick up a stink just remind him of what he wanted at the beginning. And every time he calls him Junior, just correct him. Sorry he's being so awkward

 

[DivaSatanica]

It is so hard to know what to do isn't it. Just go with a name you like and if FOB does kick up a stink just remind him of what he wanted at the beginning. And every time he calls him Junior, just correct him. Sorry he's being so awkward

Thanks hun. He just emailed me AGAIN referring to the LO as "Jr"......I just don't get why he tries to intentionally get to me. Ah well, wait till he finds out that LO is getting only my last name too

 

[Dopeyjopey]

I'd ask him who Jr is every time haha. I'm sure he'd get pretty bored of it! x

 

[DivaSatanica]

I'd ask him who Jr is every time haha. I'm sure he'd get pretty bored of it! x

Great idea!

 

[lynne192]

personally i would tell him to grow the hell up

 

[DivaSatanica]

personally i would tell him to grow the hell up

I wish that would work He is 41 years old and still has tantrums when things don't go his way.

 

[lynne192]

my LO's realdad has never meet him and never will i don't thinki tried everything but he refuses my son etc and got nasty so he's not involved in my son's life my son' thinks my OH is his dad, we will of course tell him everything in the future but for now its that i am sorry your going through this sometimes its easier that they do just walk away i guess?

 

[purpledahlia]

TBH, if FOB made a nursery in his house for LO, and wanted the contact etc and was going to be on BC and in the childs life, why cant he be involved in choosing the name? Its only fair really? I know youve said its a difficult one, but how about you suggest you both write 5 names down for 1st name, and 5 for 2nd, then go through each list agreeing to take names off the list, etc, it will be hard but i think its fair. Its a bit different if the guy doesnt WANT to be in the childs life then the mother chooses, but its not fair to use it as a punishment type thing (not saying you are) But he has to use this name for the rest of his life too so i think its fair you both sit down with a book and come to an agreement. You could choose first name and him the middle? hope this doesnt sound harsh, i know its tough. But fairs fair, hope it gets sorted

 

[DivaSatanica]

TBH, if FOB made a nursery in his house for LO, and wanted the contact etc and was going to be on BC and in the childs life, why cant he be involved in choosing the name? Its only fair really? I know youve said its a difficult one, but how about you suggest you both write 5 names down for 1st name, and 5 for 2nd, then go through each list agreeing to take names off the list, etc, it will be hard but i think its fair. Its a bit different if the guy doesnt WANT to be in the childs life then the mother chooses, but its not fair to use it as a punishment type thing (not saying you are) But he has to use this name for the rest of his life too so i think its fair you both sit down with a book and come to an agreement. You could choose first name and him the middle? hope this doesnt sound harsh, i know its tough. But fairs fair, hope it gets sorted

I've already tried coming to an agreement with him about names and its seemingly impossible. My idea of "fairs fair", is that I have gone through this pregnancy alone, had to call the police on him for hip checking me into a bathtub while pregnant, and he's offered to buy a crib mattress and breast pump, to which he has bought neither........so I think he's used up his rights to "fairness". Not trying to sound harsh, but his BS is driving me mad.

 

[purpledahlia]

fair enough, all that stuff wasnt said in the original post so i was unaware he did that.

 

[NewMummyx]

Sounds like a great father to be. What age is he, 12?

i think its the fact he's going around shouting his mouth off to everyone and saying nothing to you thinking you arent going to find out, that would annoy me too

hope he sorts himself out hun x

 

[DivaSatanica]

Thanks for all the responses girls. Its such a frustrating situation, as I'm sure all of yours are too. Some men can be such asses.

 

[lal]

My FOB has repeatedly said that he is "sorry this situation is harder on me than him." Like he has nothing to do with that...so now, when it comes to the name, it is going to be harder on him than it is on me...if we have to deal with the entire pregnancy and generally everything hard in this situation, they shouldn't have control over the "fun parts" of the process.

 

[18singlemom2b]

he is an idiot, don't worry. if my ex were to set up a nursery i would laugh too. funny how they get to say whatever they want and then change their mind, and change their mind again. mmhmm. men think they don't have to take responsibility for their actions!

 

[18singlemom2b]

my ex also says things like "sorry he can't be there for me". you could have been there for me, you have all the resources to be there for me, you just chose not to.