Thinkers versus doers and general social issues

[SarahBear]

So when it comes to your average kid in an active group setting, kids observe what others are doing and they either join in, invite a kid to do something different, or they just pick an activity they like and do it. If it's an active setting, they want to be active. They don't want to sit and analyze things or go overly into details when talking. Someone bumps you, you say sorry and move on, for example. For Violet, she wants to initiate and play with kids, but she spends a significant chunk of time figuring out how. She will ask me to hold her hand while she asks someone to play with her... I say "no" and coach her through how to initiate an interaction. What kid wants to play with the kid that needs to hold her mom's hand in order to ask? If I say yes, she will put on a show of shyness whereas if I don't, she will eventually approach the kid in an appropriate manner... but not before agonizing over it. Conversely, she may barge in on a social situation in a "look at me!" sort of manner. When kids are in "social mob" mentality (i.e. Just running around at a party, for example) she often doesn't know how to just be a part of the group. She wants individual attention and gets frustrated when other kids don't want to slow down for a more verbally based interaction. If they don't want to do what she wants to do, it takes her time to process through what to do and by the time she decides to do what they are doing, they have moved on. If she has an internal conflict about something, she wants to talk it through (assuming she doesn't automatically resort to whining or something of similar caliber)... The other kids don't get what she's going on about and their attention doesn't stick. She has reasonable social awareness and understanding when you just talk to her, but in practice it often falls apart. She's great at thinking and language has always been a strength of hers. But that thinking and that language then get in the way of effective social skills... She also has some attention seeking tendencies that can be off putting. I have seen her interact well, but I'm concerned about how these tendencies will look as she moves toward school... Anyone else have similar concerns as your kids headed toward school? How did things change or not change as your kid began school?

 

[SarahBear]

.

 

[SarahBear]

I just skimmed parts of this. It seems relevant:
https://thegraysonschool.org/overthinking-gifted-child/

 

[Rags]

Thank you for posting the link, it's a good read and my son is a prime example of the whole 'how can you over think something' notion. He is 8 and at the point of being asked to give others in class a chance to answer questions and although I understand that everyone needs an opportunity to shine general knowledge and science are his areas - and the others get to be great at sport and art and literacy and any number of other things that he really has no interest or ability in.

Funnily enough if he's been a girl his name would have been Violet. Xx