thinking about leaving OH...scared

[shortybear]

hi ladies

so i have been having a lot if issues with OH for awhile now but i dont think i can take it anymore. we dont fight that much but i think thats because we rarely communicate. he cant hold down a job (has had 3 in 6 months), drinks waaay too much, and does absolutely nothing to help me with the house or baby...like literally nothing-just sits on the couch (as it is i will probably end up mowing the lawn as it has been a month and i am sure my neighbors hate us by now). i am basically a single parent already. last night i was really ill and throwing up and when i asked for his help with LO (he woke up screaming at 4 am) he was in the room with him for 5 minutes, couldnt get him to sleep and just put him in his crib to let him cry while i couldnt hardly move from the toilet. i finally got in there and he was hysterical (wet diaper and hungry) and OH was just sitting on the couch watching tv and drinking wine...i wanted to kill him! our baby is 9 months old and this is the first time that he has even attempted any night help for me and it was rubbish.

he says he is depressed (which i totally believe) but he hasnt even attempted to get any help and my sympathy is running out. i dont want to give up but i am at the end of my rope. i know i can handle Ollie on my own because that is what i have been doing anyway since he was born. i am not sure if there is much point to this thread but i had to put it down somewhere and i dont want to tell friends/family until i am sure what i am gonna do.

thanks for listening!

 

[Jade--x]

I think you have to do what's best for you and your LO's hon. If he knows he is depressed why hasn't he seeked help with it :S I think maybe before you totally give up you should sit down and talk to him about it and tell him how you feel he isn't helping and that you can't put up with it much longer and ask him to get some help. Then if he doesn't and you do decide to leave you know you've done everything you could to try and make things work. I hope things get better soon x

 

[shortybear]

thank you
the issue is that we have been discussing the depression thing so much and he is constantly promising to get help but never follows through. he is really allowing himself to sink really deep and i dont know how to help him and i also dont want the baby and i to go down with him.
i think the only reason we are still together is because i feel bad leaving him while he isnt well (and scared to be alone). i just dont know what else to do

 

[Jade--x]

Hmm I see what you mean. I think maybe talking to him one last time and make it clear you're thinking of leaving and see if that gives him the kick in the butt he needs to see someone x

 

[emeraldbaby]

I think you know he isn't going to bother getting help. So that baby needs to come first, and living with a father like that is damaging... And not just in the short term.
If I were you I would leave, give your oh no promises for the future (as he should find the motivation within himself to improve or it won't last... Trust me on that). And he won't respect you for blackmailing him either.
If he does change on his own accord in time maybe you can find your way back together.
That's just my opinion.

 

[Jennifurball]

He sounds like my ex. He was out of work twice in the time I was pregnant. He has lost his job again now so I get no help, he sat there drinking whilst I did everything. Honestly, your life will be much easier on your own, it is like having 2 children. Of course at first it will be sad thinking it is over but you can't live like that. It has been about 7 weeks for me now and not having him there is so much better now.

Just think of the baby, once they get to an age where they see things happening, it will affect their personality. My daughter is much happier now already and she is only 5 months.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I agree with the others. If he won't seek help, I would think about leaving / asking him to leave .

 

[KayBea]

if he wont help himself you cant really help him

you sound like you will be better off alone hun xxx