Thinking of bf but only hearing horror stories

[the why bird]

To add to my earlier post: I disagree that people who tell horror stories are doing it because they want you to give up. I think you see a disproportionate number of horror stories because the harder you find it, the more you are likely to want to vent or seek support. If you are having an easy time, you don't really think that much about it - you just get on with it. You don't spent much time googling all your issues looking for solutions and winding up on boards like this.

Add to that, some people (not many, but a vocal minority) can be quite judgmental about people who formula feed, and so people get defensive about it. When you constantly hear people say things like 'every woman can breastfeed' and 'every child deserves to be breastfed, and you signed up to make sacrifices when you had a baby' or 'I'd never give my child a bottle of chemicals!' it's naturally very upsetting because it implies you are an inadequate or selfish parent. It's like twisting the knife to someone who really struggled and couldn't make it work. So naturally people will share those horror stories as a way of preemptively warding off those judgmental people - it's like saying 'look, I really did tried! I am a good mother!'.

I've definitely fallen into that trap myself. It grates on me when I hear those sweeping comments about breastfeeding 'almost never' failing if the mother just tries hard enough. You only need to hear a handful of times that you were selfish for not suffering on or that you've harmed your baby when you were just trying to care for them before you naturally get defensive. I'm trying really hard to stop because I think by desperately trying to justify my choices this way I might actually be adding to the problem - I don't want anyone to read my posts and get the mistaken impression I'm saying formula feeding is only OK if you have literally no other option. I support any woman in making the right choice for her and her baby, even if she technically could breastfeed.

So don't be disheartened by the negative stories - this is why you are getting a distorted picture of breastfeeding. But at the same time, please don't hold it against those women who need to share their stories. It's not because they want to change you, they're fighting their own issues.

 

[Mushymilkfor2]

I had quite a difficult time for the first two and half weeks, he had latch issues and my own insecurities and self doubt in my ability to do it really held us back. Due to his poor latch, he damaged one of my boobs pretty badly, and I had to stop feeding on that side and start pumping exclusively. Which led to other issues, but here I am going on 4 weeks on Monday and I have no more issues.

I'm really glad I pushed through the rough time, even though I constantly thought about giving up! I'm really glad I did because I love the closeness and bonding that we get to share.

I love that this is an experience that him and I get to share that no one else will ever get with him, even if they feed him a bottle. I've given him bottles of expressed milk and it truly isn't the same.

 

[AK89]

To add to my earlier post: I disagree that people who tell horror stories are doing it because they want you to give up. I think you see a disproportionate number of horror stories because the harder you find it, the more you are likely to want to vent or seek support. If you are having an easy time, you don't really think that much about it - you just get on with it. You don't spent much time googling all your issues looking for solutions and winding up on boards like this.

Add to that, some people (not many, but a vocal minority) can be quite judgmental about people who formula feed, and so people get defensive about it. When you constantly hear people say things like 'every woman can breastfeed' and 'every child deserves to be breastfed, and you signed up to make sacrifices when you had a baby' or 'I'd never give my child a bottle of chemicals!' it's naturally very upsetting because it implies you are an inadequate or selfish parent. It's like twisting the knife to someone who really struggled and couldn't make it work. So naturally people will share those horror stories as a way of preemptively warding off those judgmental people - it's like saying 'look, I really did tried! I am a good mother!'.

I've definitely fallen into that trap myself. It grates on me when I hear those sweeping comments about breastfeeding 'almost never' failing if the mother just tries hard enough. You only need to hear a handful of times that you were selfish for not suffering on or that you've harmed your baby when you were just trying to care for them before you naturally get defensive. I'm trying really hard to stop because I think by desperately trying to justify my choices this way I might actually be adding to the problem - I don't want anyone to read my posts and get the mistaken impression I'm saying formula feeding is only OK if you have literally no other option. I support any woman in making the right choice for her and her baby, even if she technically could breastfeed.

So don't be disheartened by the negative stories - this is why you are getting a distorted picture of breastfeeding. But at the same time, please don't hold it against those women who need to share their stories. It's not because they want to change you, they're fighting their own issues.

When I mentioned the people who gave up and try and put you off because of that I wasn't talking about the people who tell their horror stories and saying that they do this to put people off! Of course I have every sympathy for those who had a hard time with it.. I'm talking about a couple of people I know who, for whatever reason, seemed to try and influence me to give up. Just off the top of my head, I posted on Facebook about getting barely any sleep, and one of my "friends" somehow took that to mean that breastfeeding wasn't going so well and told me not to "torment myself". I had said it seemed like she was in pain, thinking it may have been colic or something, and she linked the pain to the breastfeeding (!) telling me about her friend who was breastfeeding and her LO was "in pain" and she switched to formula, and hey presto he was fine.. I wouldn't mind but I hadn't even hinted at the concept of it being BF-related. I've had a couple of other people just mentioning the fact that they gave up after however long in a "so it's OK if you do it too" kinda way which I can't help but feel like is their way of making me wanna give up too. And those people didn't give up 'cause of complications... my SIL said it was 'cause she just "wanted her body back to herself".

Sorry if it seemed like I was disrespecting people who have trouble with breastfeeding, I definitely wasn't!

 

[toffee87]

My tips are:

*seek out local support groups (I go to one every week just to socialise with like minded mums)
*stay as long as you need to in hospital and ask for help whenever you need it to latch on.
*ride through the growth spurts, they only last a couple of days.
*buy a pump. Great way to give you freedom.

 

[lau86]

Did you try with your first two George or go straight to bottle? Sorry I've not read all the other posts.
I wouldn't say I love breastfeeding but I bf both babies and loved the convenience, no having to get up and make bottles in the night, no worrying about cleaning and sterilising bottles. Selfishly I also loved having cuddles to myself. And telling family members I was going off to feed them when I got sick of visitors. There are so many good things about it!

 

[RaspberryK]

Yep there are lots of horror stories that people like to tell you to justify to themselves why they don't still breastfeed because they feel guilty or judged.
Rather than say they were a bit sore, milk didn't come in as soon as I hoped, baby was sleepy and I was worried they needed formula, baby fed more often than I expected they say exaggerated things like oh baby wouldn't latch, I didn't make any milk, I didn't gave enough supply and they were starving so I HAD to give up etc etc.
Xx

 

[sue_88]

Another positive here...! baby latched like a pro a midwife said 'she's clearly read the breastfeeding book!' made me so proud, baby just knew what to do and my body agreed and it was amazing!!

Breastfeeding is the most amazing thing I've ever done !!

 

[sheldonsmommy]

I have done both. Breastfeeding has advantages and disadvantages... I'm sure you've heard both, so I'll let you know what was positive for me

Bonding. I felt close to both my babies and it really made no difference to their personality, but breastfeeding gave me an excuse to stop everything and relax and be with my little guy.

Convenience. No prepping required, just pull out the boob and you're ready to go!

 

[Kiwiberry]

It can be rough sometimes, maybe even rough enough that you feel down on yourself or you want to stop but hang in there and when it finally does "click" it will be all worth it.

My little girl is still learning how to even latch, being born preemie does not help her either, but I know if we keep going it will be all worth it.

 

[Tulip]

Honestly, I gave up.early with DS1 because I had poor support.

This time round I was determined and yes, we had poor latch for 11 weeks, plus hospitalisation for mastitis/sepsis at 3 weeks. But now hes 4 months, it's SO worth having pushed through it and life - especially night feeds - is easy!

If you really want to do it, line up.excellent support and you're halfway there xxx

 

[SarahBear]

What's so awful about breastfeeding? I've heard about some people struggling to start, but surely once it's established, it's easier than bottle feeding. I never had any difficulties what so ever, so I was lucky in that regard. It's simple. You just pop the baby on when they're hungry and wait until they're done. No need to mix, measure, or heat anything or any need to worry about whether or not they're having too much or too little. If you co-sleep, it's even easier. Baby cries, you pull them close and lift your shirt and drift off.

Oh, it also makes going places a lot easier since you don't need to pack bottles or formula. It also cuts back on dishes since there are no bottles to clean.

 

[beagleowner]

In the beginning, breastfeeding was by far the hardest part about motherhood. Now nearly 14 months in, it's one of the BEST parts about parenting my little girl! I love so much about it...

1. The time when I get to hold her and she's content and calm;
2. When her little hands cling to me as if she's a little koala bear
3. When she caresses me sleepily over and over
4. Snuggling her tight and smelling her sweet baby smell....now toddler smell!!! AAAUGH
5. That I can comfort her instantly when she's sad after vaccinations or having fallen
6. Not having to prepare a bottle
7. Not stressing about whether or not she is drinking enough cow's milk
8. The bond I feel with her
9. After she finishes nursing, unlatches and lays her little cheek against me with the most sweet, contented look on her face

 

[twobecome3]

no issues! we're still going strong.

it was quite painful in the beginning, I remember having what looked like blisters on my nipples for a couple weeks until we got the latch down right. honestly tho after brutal spd, the birth, etc, that nipple pain was really a walk in the park !

 

[luz]

I have breastfed both of my children, and while i wouldn't say it was easy, it is definitely worth it! With my first the pain was agonizing and i would cry at the thought of him waking up because that meant he would want to eat again.... however after about 2 weeks and LOTS of lanishoh life got better. I also had a very lazy eater with a crappy latch and a lot of over supply.

I think most things are difficult at first with a newborn, and it is a little bit of a learning curve for both you and the baby, but once you get into a routine things will be awesome. If it's something you want to do, just stick with it and know that it does get better with time.

 

[Cheska]

My baby took to it like a pro from the start. No horror story's here. I must be very fortunate as I've had no pain/cracked nipples or anything!! No bottles to make up, wash and sterilise is a life saver to me with a toddler.

 

[Vicki_Cream]

Sod using a nursing cover! I just find a discreet corner to sit in with DD, and I always wear a stretchy vest top under my tshirt so I am not exposing anything.

I absolutely love brestfeeding, I was lucky and my DD took to it like a champ straight away. I did have incredibly sore nipples in the beginning, and I did get painfully engorged when my milk came in, but that only last 24 hours. I had a fleeting thought during one of nights of putting her on formula, but the next day all the pain and soreness vanished and we haven't looked back

I have had mastitis once, but I managed to get rid of it by drinking TONS of water so I didn't need to go to the doctor.

Everyone is individual, don't feel pressured to FF or BF, do what is best for you and your baby. Obviously BF is the best option nutritionally, but don't feel like a failure if you have to FF. My best friend couldn't produce enough milk and her LO ended up in hospital due to losing too much weight so she had to FF.

I do recommend giving it a go for a few weeks at least if you can though

 

[eulmh82]

Not trying to cause an argument but sometimes it just doesn't work. My son had a tongue tie and i expressed but wasn't producing enough and the docs dawdled getting him seen by a specialist and by 8 weeks it all got too much. I agree it would have been so much easier, less washing up, less wind (from the baby ), less to take out and about but it didn't work for us despite support of bf experts etc. This time I fully intend to try again with it all and I pray we have an easier run of it this time

 

[caitlyn2009]

I'm not gonna share my story here but I will say that even with all the issues that have come up I am in love with bf my DS. The closeness and feeling of being the only one who can feed the baby is amazing. It does take some effort in my opinion but the pros way outweigh the cons!!!

I am very pro "just do what works best" so I say give it a shot and if it works awesome... you will love it and if not formula is a fine alternative. My DD was formula fed and she is now a smart, healthy 3 year old.

Good luck and congrats on the baby

 

[misspriss]

I wouldn't say I had a horror story, I had a rough start because LO was a prem in the NICU. But no pain, no infections, no problems for me at all, just a bit of pumping and nipple shields in the beginning, but nothing horrible.

It is so wonderful to be able to feed him anywhere, to comfort him, to help him sleep or ease his discomfort...

 

[Amalee]

I love breastfeeding. It has gone pretty perfectly for DS and me - we had a couple little hiccups in the beginning (flat nipples, so I had to use nipples shields. Really not a huge deal, but it was just another small, clear thing I needed to keep track of in the middle of the night). I think I had two occasions where I was starting to feel engorged, so I just fed him and that took care of that.

When we go out, we pretty much always end up staying out of the house longer than we had intended, and it's wonderful that we don't have to worry about whether or not he has enough milk. Nighttime feeds are ridiculously easy; he and I are back to sleep pretty much right after he latches. We only have the occasional bottle and/or pumping supplies to wash from times when I knew bf would be difficult or impossible wherever we were going.

Best of all, I get tons of baby snuggles every day. It is the prefect bonding activity when they are newborns. Plus, I have a wonderful excuse for closeness whenever we need it. If we are out and things are getting a little too loud, or I am missing him while everyone else is saying hello, I love that no one batts an eye when I take him or asks if they can feed him instead.