Thinking of changing from BF to FF - advise needed pls (update)

[mrscupcake]

I've been breast feeding and giving EBM to my baby sinsemilla birth 11 days ago and my nipples are so sore I'm crying during some feeds. My baby is latching on fine, all the midwives have said he's latching on fine and he's gluggling it down but my nipples have always been sensitive as I'm very fair skinned. Before I was even pregnant i have to wear vests under my PJ top as it irritates my nipples when they rub against the top. So breast feeding is extremely painful. I apply lansinoh cream after every feed as recommended by the midwives and i'm currently using nipple shields which only slightly help. My nipples are cracked, bleeding, and skin on nipples is coming off. I dread it when he needs feeding as I know I'll be in so much pain. My nipples Re very sore through out the day also. I really wanted to carry on as he only lost 1% of his weight in week 1 and gained 4% in week 2 so he's doing really well but I'm not enjoying it. I know I'll feel really guilty if I give it up but they say "happy mum happy baby" so I'm thinking it might be best for boylth of us if I went on to formula? I can't express enogh through the pump to fill him up for the day so that isn't an option.

 

[LoobyLou75]

I had the same problem as you in the early days and I too started expressing and using nipple shields but then my LO got nipple confusion and wouldn't latch on the breast at all so I exclusively expressed.
I'd like to say persevere as it does get better as your nipples become used to it but with you saying you had tender nipples to start with, it's hard to say if you will or not.

 

[Jody R]

You shouldn't feel guilty whatever choice you make.

We stopped breastfeeding very quickly because it just wasn't working for us. I was in pain, I have flat nipples and like you I have very pale skin but I didn't realise that might contribute to our difficulties. Mine are also ridiculously sensitive. I don't think I was producing much milk and I felt at a loss to know what to do. I can remember getting up in the night and sitting with Joseph crying my eyes out over the pain and the isolation and exhaustion.

The very worst was that he fed better from one breast rather than the other, we were better at latching on one side. I know they say not to do it but I found that he would feed better and sleep a little bit longer if we used that side so I let him feed more from there. The other nipple was absolutely raw because we had struggled so much so at first it was a relief but short lived because that breast became swollen with milk and the other was constantly in use so that nipple soon caught up with the other in the painful mess.

Just the thought of him wanting feeding made me want to cry or hide.

The final straw was a combination of realising I was bleeding into his mouth and almost being hospitalised because of his weight dropping so much. The day we stopped he kept latching on and pulling away again and it was agony and I could feel milk running down my skin but when I looked down I realised the liquid was blood not milk.

I don't want to tell you what to do, all I can do is tell you about our experience. I chose to stop breastfeeding and use formula, I felt instantly better for making the decision but incredibly guilty because I had wanted to breastfeed.

I was able to get more sleep and my breasts felt better after a few days, my nipples healed, I stopped feeling so alone and isolated in my own house because I was able to go out (while we were breastfeeding I needed to be positioned in the right chair with no end of cushions to support us, my feet on a stool, Joseph on a cushion etc) and because my husband could help with the feeding I felt more rested and he bonded with Joseph much better.

And most important of all, Joseph became happier, more satisfied and started to gain his weight back again so he was healthier too.

I struggled a bit because the only group running in my area at the time was a breastfeeding cafe so socially it restricted me from meeting other mums and babies and I felt very guilty. I felt that I had let down not only Joseph but the two midwives who had done their best to encourage me while they were here. If they could have moved in with me for a few days we might have continued.

But really, I didn't need to feel guilty and nobody else does either. Nobody has the right to make you feel guilty for making a choice to feed your baby in the way that suits you both the best but I think most of the pressure comes from ourselves rather than anyone else.

You need to be happy in order to make your baby happy. I'm sure that my crying with pain contributed to Joseph's struggles and weight loss and I would have felt guilty about that if we had gone back in to hospital because of his weight loss.

It's good that you are posting for support but only you can make the decision and nobody should judge you once you have, not even yourself. If you want to change to expressing or a combination of breastmilk and formula or just formula you don't need permission because you've done amazingly well to even try breastfeeding. And if you decide to continue to breastfeed I'm sure you will have a lot of support. But it's you and your baby that are important here and both of you need to be happy but nobody else matters.

 

[indieknits]

Jody R's post said it better than I ever could!

Ultimately it is your decision, but I just wanted to say DO NOT feel guilty if you decide to switch to formula. You are giving breastfeeding your best shot, and that's all you can do.

 

[Tasha360]

Im having this trouble too. My daughter is only 5 days old but my nipples are the same and i couldnt stand it any more so have given her the bottle. I spoke to the midwife about it and she made me feel a bit disheartened really. I feel so guilty for giving up. Im trying to express what i can but am only getting abot an oz each time. Hope things get better for you hun xxx

 

[mrscupcake]

Thank you for all your advise and messages. Jody R it sounds like you had a really rough time! I definitly think you made the right decision in changing to FF, I think the baby picks up on our feelings too so it's important we are happy too. Well last night I ended up giving 2 formula feeds and expressing. Then today in the day I breast fed and gave EBM. The breast feeding didn't seem to hurt AS MUCH but I think he may be getting nipple confusion now as I didn't use the nipple shields this time and he kept pulling away and getting upset and then wanting more feed but not wanting to go back on the boob. I also read that this could be a sign of thrush though which would explain the extreme pain but Evan has no signs of it in or around his mouth. Think I'm going to ring the breast feeding support midwife tomorrow for some advise.

 

[Jody R]

Thank you. I hope she can help you and support you to go forward in the best way for you both and that you don't feel too guilty if you have to change or adapt the way you feed your little one. I think you've done amazingly well so far so I will keep my fingers crossed you can continue in a way that makes you both happy.

 

[jolougu]

I agree, Jody said all I wanted to say, just better! I had just the same problems as you. I had really wanted to B/F so decided to express all my milk and feed to my baby through a bottle. This worked fine at first but after a couple of weeks my milk started to dry up. The midwives had told me this might happen if I solely expressed as your body doesn't always react to expressing in the same way as it does to your baby feeding from the breast.
I felt really guilty about switching to formula but all my friends and family said I'd be mad to carry on with the B/F as I was in agony and I was dreading feeding my baby, which is wrong. I was getting worried that dreading the feeding would mean I wouldn't bond with LO properly over time. Anyway, I switched to formula and baby is just as happy as he was, I feel far less isolated and my husband loves being able to feed LO. My mum reminded me that I was formula fed and I think I'm OK!
Don't feel under pressure to carry on. It's so much more important to enjoy your precious time with your little one.
Take care, hope it's working out for you one way or the other.

 

[hattiehippo]

Its so important that you feel relaxed and able to bond with your baby and if BF is stopping you doing this then please don't feel bad about switching.

I was certain I would BF and it was a complete shock when Tom refused to latch on and just screamed and screamed every time the midwifes tried. Ontop of that my nipples were very flat and it took ages to express anything by hand. I tried nipple shields and we managed him latching on for 2 to 3 minutes but only on one side.

I made the decision at 3 days to go exclusively to FF - I was so stressed about trying to feed him that I was dreading him waking up and sat in hospital in floods of tears becuase I knew that I couldn't feed him and just didn't know what to do. In my experience trying to BF was stopping me bonding with him - as soon as we started to FF the stress fell away and I began to enjoy being with my baby. I felt so guilty at the time but now (he's 4 months) most of my friends have stopped BF anyway and there is absolutley no difference between him and those who were BF at first. In fact some of the BF babies are much chubbier than him showing genes are much more powerful in how your baby develops than how you feed them.

Only you can decide what's best for you and your baby but he's only little once and whilst you want to give him the best start in life, that also includes a strong secure bond with his mum - getting this is not dependent on BF in my experience.

Good luck with whatever you decide is right for you.

 

[mrscupcake]

Thank u girls for your support. Since then I stopped using lansinoh cream and my nipples became less inflammed! I must have been sensitive to it! I've also bought some better nipples shields. The midwife thought we may have had thrush so been using a caneston cream. Also started formula feeding at night and in the day ivebeen giving ebm when were out. It not painful any more using when nipple shields but still having problems BF as I think my milk supply has decreased as LO doesn't seem to be full after putting him on both sides he ends up falling asleep and then wanting more or getting irritated. Going to see how it goes but still finding it so difficult and exhausting!

 

[bubbles123]

Big hugs All I can say is DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL GUILT FOR A SECOND whatever you decide to do. So many women are having the early weeks with their baby destroyed by the guilt and pressure put on them to continue BF even if it isn't the right thing for them. If you feel able to BF then fab but if not please don't worry. You're baby will still thrive XXX

 

[Jody R]

I'm glad that you've had some improvements, I didn't think the lansinoh could be part of the problem but I'm glad you realised and stopped using it.

I didn't know about nipple sheilds when we were struggling, nobody ever suggested them to me as a solution to our struggles.

It's good that the pain has gone, I can imagine what a massive relief that has been for you.

I'm sorry though that things are still not going as well as you had hoped. It's so unfair that even when you try so hard to do something you are committed to that nature can still made it difficult or impossible.

I think you and your little one are doing very well to continue but I don't think anyone could criticise you if you decide at any point that you have gone as far as you possibly can. You've been amazing so far after all and changing does not mean failing, it just means that you have reached a decision sooner than you hoped but for all the right reasons.

 

[Jody R]

Big hugs All I can say is DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL GUILT FOR A SECOND whatever you decide to do. So many women are having the early weeks with their baby destroyed by the guilt and pressure put on them to continue BF even if it isn't the right thing for them. If you feel able to BF then fab but if not please don't worry. You're baby will still thrive XXX

I agree with bubbles here, nobody should be made to feel guilty for stopping in the same way nobody should be pressured to stop. Too many people think they have the right to interfere but it's your body and your baby and you can only do what's right for the two of you. And only you can decide what that is based on your own feelings and circumstances and your physical wellbeings.

 

[babybliss]

HI All!
I totally agree with you all. I struggled to BF my LO and it made me so depressed. I was crying out loud every time I fed her and then I cried after feed and felt so sorry for myself and for her. I tell you there was a river of tiers in our house. While pregnant I was so adamant that I will BF with no problems and was in shock that it didn't work out. I felt like I let her down and didn't give her the best start. Everyone told me that this is my choice and I shouldn't feel bad if it doesn't work out and just stop. But in my heart I thought that maybe if I give up now I will regret and will enjoy it maybe later. My solution was to express and give her the bottle till my milk dries up and then go for FF. And so far it works out well. At least I'm not stressing about it I guess we are the hardest Judges to our self.
End of it all I feel like I lost 2.5 weeks of happiness together. (She is 3+1 weeks now) It went better for me when I found this forum and got some reassurance. I feel happy now and she is happier as well and my OH is happy as He doesn't have to come home to 2 crying ladies
Everyone has their own battle to go through and they will realise that what ever they do they will be the best moms to their children and the babies will love you no matter what. As you can guess I am in and love my little princess and would like to send huge to mums who need to make that hard decision

 

[ShellysBelly]

All I will say is if you do make the decision to stop do it on your own terms and timeline, it will help you feel better about your decision. It did for me anyway. Also print off your first post above and any time you start to feel a hint of guilt read it.

 

[mrscupcake]

Shellysbelly that's a good idea to print it off in case later on I'm thnking 'why on earth did i stop' daft thing is, when I was pregnant I bought in all the formula, bottles, sterilisers etc in case I decided not to BF as I always said i'm going to give BF a go but if at Any point I feel stressed about it I'm not going to bother as I'm a student midwife and so often seen women stressed out and in tears with problems around BF and having so much pressure on them to keep at it, and I didn't want to be one of those women, but once I started BF I found it difficult to just stop, no matter how open minded I was before I just feel like I should continue. I'm still Combination feeding and still in limbo on what to do. Can I ask for you ladies who did go on to formula, how did you go about it in regards to milk drying up, was it gradual? Did you express every so often until it dried up completely? Thanks girls.

 

[bubbles123]

I was expressing every 2 hours and became so exhausted that my milk had pretty much dried up anyway by the time I decided that I had to stop for my own sanity. I just stopped cold turkey. Boobs were a bit sore for a few days with the odd leak but no pain. The guilt is hard but you do get over it. Boards like these help, as do mother and baby groups. I was so nervous about bottle feeding James there in case people were judgy, I got there and every lady there was bottle feeding and all had had pretty much the same experiences with BF as me. So I'm over it now and James is thriving X

 

[Jody R]

Can I ask for you ladies who did go on to formula, how did you go about it in regards to milk drying up, was it gradual? Did you express every so often until it dried up completely? Thanks girls.

Mine was gone within a day or so which has made me think I wasn't producing much anyway and that was part of our problem.

I was warned that my breasts would hurt and be swollen with milk or would leak at the slightest touch but nothing like that happened. For a day they felt heavy and firm and then they were back to normal.

The midwife told me not to try to express as that would make the milk last longer but I don't believe I was producing enough to feed Joseph properly in the first place and so had no issues of it not drying up when we stopped.

That gave me confidence that my decision to stop was the right one as I think it would have been taken out of my hands anyway, Joseph was losing weight rapidly and we were on the point of having to go back to hospital and I think if we had gone in they would have told me that I just wasn't producing enough milk to feed him and to go onto formula anyway.

 

[Eve]

Just wanted to say not to feel guilty as well You are doing what you can and trying your best Bfing isn't for everyone that's for sure. Good luck hun, if you want to continue bfing, you can do it! If you choose to use formula, do not feel bad at all A lot of women combination feed now and it seems to work well too.

 

[mrscupcake]

I just wanted to thank u ladies for your support, I'm now so much happier with breastfeeding, I'm still using nipple shields, tried without recently but it's still sore without, LO is still thriving which is the main thing so I'm intending to just use them perminently. I've started BF in public with the use of a BF apron and found it no problem, nobody notices! Still giving FF at night although didn't bother last nght as he almost slept through so it was easier to BF. LO is still feeding every 2 hrs almost to the minute during the day but now I can BF in public it's not much of a problem just exhausting! LO was also prescribed gaviscon for reflux which has made him much beteer so not feeding for comfort so much. I still don't know how long I will stick to it for as you never know what other problems could arise such as infections, reduce in milk supply etc but the support I've had on here has helped me to cntinue this far (7 weeks) which is alot longer than I imagined!