Tina's journal

[JASMAK]

Well, off to bed...will the witch show tonight? I had a dream last night that I had MULTIPLES (meaning MORE than twins). Gulp!

 

[JASMAK]

Well, no AF last night, and another dream. This time of twins. The dream was just like the part in Finding Nemo, when he has his egg (Nemo) under his fin. I had two. I told DH this this morning, and he told me that I was crazy. I think I freaked him out, since I am a twin, and I think that increases the chances of me having one.

 

[magicvw]

Ooh I don't know if I could cope with twins! We do want 3 kids, so it would save some time I suppose, but I find 1 such a handful - how would 2 be????!!!

Any sign of the old witch yet hun?

 

[JASMAK]

Yup, unfortunately, she came on Saturday. Oh well. Onto anotehr month. This time: DH has to take cooler showers, and we are using Instead Cups. I feel a bit weird saying that...almost like I am a failure, which I know is absurd. Whatever works right. Let`s hope it does tho!

 

[magicvw]

Yup, unfortunately, she came on Saturday. Oh well. Onto anotehr month. This time: DH has to take cooler showers, and we are using Instead Cups. I feel a bit weird saying that...almost like I am a failure, which I know is absurd. Whatever works right. Let`s hope it does tho!

Stop it right now! You are so not a failure for goodness sake!
I have heard good things about those instead cups - good luck! I try something new every month - at least it keeps you focussed!

Well, here's to another cycle - keeping my fingers crossed for you hun!

 

[JASMAK]

Well, here it is, September 8th, 2008. It has been almost 2 years since DH and I started "trying" for baby. I am writing now, because for the first time in a while, I am having feelings of hope. I start 50mg of Clomid CD5-9, and we are to BD CD 9-16. CD5 will be this Wednesday, the 10th. This is for three months, and then I go back. I am nervous, that the drug will make me into a wicked witch, and I am terrified of becoming pregnant with twins. Not that I don't want twins...I would LOVE to have twins, being one myself, but the actual pregnancy terrifies me! How will this turn out? Will my dream come true? Will I get pregnant and actually keep the pregnancy?

 

[magicvw]

Good luck! xxx

 

[JASMAK]

Today was Makena's first day of preschool, and since Jasper is also in kindergarten at the same time, the first time that I have been without kids, so to speak. I mean, I have been without the kids, but, not sitting at home, alone, without the kids. It's so quiet. I practiced my typing, and had a cup of tea, and went for a walk. I still have to wait another 45 minutes to go and pick them up! Wouldn't it be just so great to have a little newborn right now? I would have all this time to kiss and snuggle and go for walks just with him/her! It would be so wonderful! It would almost be like starting over, but Jasper and Makena would still have plenty of time during the day to also bond and share with their brother or sister. It always has bothered me that my next child would not be close in age as Makena and Jasper are (20 months), but, maybe this is going to be OK afterall. Tomorrow I start the Clomid. The feelings of nervousness is still there. Will it work? Will I actually have a baby now? Can I put this horrible TTC experience behind me and move on with the family of 5 that I have always dreamed of? I wish I knew the answers to these questions. I wish that I knew so that I could either stop the worrying, or deal with the emotions of never being able to have another child now. I hate not knowing...it is the worst. I hate it. But, I am going to think happy thoughts here. I am going to try and think positively. This is going to be good, and it is all going to work out. I just hope that I am not a horrible bitch to my husband on this Clomid, and I hope that I don't have to take it too long. Ahhhh...I will write again tomorrow...and I will report any symptoms.

 

[JASMAK]

Well, I took my first Clomid pill today. I felt very tired, and I had a splitting headache, BUT, the headache I had before I took the pill. I think it was just basically tiredness that I felt. It is amazing that this small white pill is supposed to somehow, miracously get me pregnant. It seems just too easy. But, my fingers are crossed that this does the trick!

 

[JASMAK]

Well, I have now taken 3 Clomid pills. If anything, I feel happier than usual! No hot flashes as of yet (knock on wood), the only symptom is maybe some slight bloating, and some on an doff nausea, but not even close to morning sickness...so, in other words, not a problem. Maybe these are placebos! I really was worried about the side effects, but, it has been no problem whatsoever. I even took them in the morning, so if there was any side effects to be felt, I would have noticed. We don't have to BD until Sunday, so I am just waiting....WTBD (waiting to BD).