Toddler and new baby , can't cope with the guilt/tiredness/everything

[rescuemom82]

My daughter just turned 3 in June, 3 weeks before her baby brother was born. At first things seemed to be OK. She's always been spirited but I guess I was either used to it, or having to share me has really turned her upside down.

She is always screaming that she can't walk....she needs me to pick her up. Her tantrums are absolutely horrendous and even frightening at times. The floor is too cold, the couch is too cold, etc. Peeing herself and peeing in cups or things, in her room, and pooping in inappropriate places. She had been fully potty trained since she was 2.5

The baby is relatively easy, thank God. except he doesn't really sleep unless you hold him. I don't want to babywear him all day long because then I can hardly touch her.

I am guilty, exhausted and overwhelmed. I try to spend one on one time with her but it even gets screwed up because I'm currently EBF and he never seems to settle until late at night.

I feel absolutely awful and heartbroken. It seems I've ruined my poor daughter's life

 

[missk1989]

You definitely have not ruined her life! I would consider the baby wearing. IF you get the right one you can do all sorts like read stories together play with toys. You may not be able to do as much as previously but certainly much more than you are right now.

 

[cat_reversing]

Hey, sorry to hear things are hard right now but be assured that it's normal and that you haven't ruined anyone's life. It's a period of adjustment and it will pass!
If you haven't already, tell someone close to you that you're finding things tough and let them help!!


Sounds like you could do with a hand, call in those favours, get someone to have baby for an hour or so then you can have time with DD. Get DD involved in things with baby, give her a 'responsibility' - something that she always does and can feel good about, tell her you really need her help with baby.

Hugsx

 

[misspriss]

It is normal to have a potty regression after a new baby, I'm sorry to hear she is having such a hard time! We had to eventually put him back in diapers for 6-8 weeks.

My toddler had a hard time, but only for about 8-10 weeks and now things are fine. I hope it passes soon! We had to depend on grandma's help a lot, but we got through it.

 

[flump1]

rewind a year and I was in the same situation! my son was 2y9m when my daughter was born and he went from being really easy laid back little guy to miserable difficult little boy. things are soooo much better now, please don't feel guilty its hard work but you will soon start to see the positives having a sibling for your daughter brings.

I don't know if other people agree but If I was to do it again I wouldn't worry so much about the one on one time to start off with, by feeling guilty and trying to give my son one on one time (which Is nion impossible with a newborn and a toddler when you are on your own) I ended up feeling guilty for leaving the baby as well therefore was more stressed and rushed time with my son when actually he didn't mind that baby was there at all as long as I was listening to him and interacting with him.

expect her to be all out of sorts expect extra wake ups at night etc. her whole world has changed at the moment but that doesn't mean you have ruined her life because even though it all feels a bit strange to her at the moment before you know it she will be asking where her baby brother is when you walk in the room without him because he's finally ok with being out of your arms for more than 5 minutes or she will be passing him his favorite toy and then you will remember all the reasons you originally thought of giving her a sibling xx

 

[supertabby]

You haven't ruined her life - you've given her a wonderful baby brother!

My DD was 2yrs 10m when DS was born so a very similar age gap. Up until then DD was a really easy toddler, relatively speaking, she'd even play independently for long periods if we let her and slept through the night - when DS came along she wanted constant attention, threw awful tantrums, started waking in the night, and generally was much harder work than the newborn baby! I wasn't quite prepared for that! Fortunately she did grow out of it but it took a while, maybe 3 months or so, the best advice I can give is keep trying to give her attention when you can but generally just try to ride it out for now, she'll calm down.

DS is 20 months now and DD adores him, they've been best of friends for a long time but it gets better and better as they get older. She mummies him, putting his shoes on for him etc, he follows her everywhere, they cuddle and tickle each other. I had that "ruined her life" guilt when DS was born but we actually gave her a best friend for life, so glad we did.

 

[SarahBear]

It gets better! The first month was the hardest for us and it doesn't feel fair to the older one, but they do adjust. In terms of 1:1 time, I'd strive for that as I think it's really important. As far as breastfeeding goes, do you have a partner who could take the baby after a nursing session and then you can spend time with your older one? When Leo was newborn, I'd do a lot of playing with Violet while nursing or while baby wearing. I also had a rocker I could put him in. I know you say you can hardly touch her, but if you can only play with her while baby-wearing and you talk to her about how you can play while baby-wearing or she can play alone, the tantrums will eventually blow over and you'll be able to play with her. This may be very hard and stressful to start with, but again, it will get better!

 

[rescuemom82]

thank you ladies i've tried to talk to my DH about helping. he doesn't get it

 

[ButterflyX]

Hi there. I am here because I am nervous about how am I going to handle two under the age of 2. I am expecting #2 (unplanned), and I am already nervous about this.

 

[rescuemom82]

Hi there. I am here because I am nervous about how am I going to handle two under the age of 2. I am expecting #2 (unplanned), and I am already nervous about this.

how are you getting on? Congratulations!