Toddler out of control....HELP!!!!

[Melisa1985]

I don't even know where to begin explaining how bad it's been with my baby girl. Since she was born, she was colic and she stayed colic screaming ALL day long till she was about 7-8 months!! I suffered extremely a lot with her, always thinking there is something wrong with her and carrying her from doctors to doctors wondering if anything else is wrong, every single doctor ended up telling she is just colic and will grow out it. I honestly must cried so much because I didn't know what else to do to help her. In hopes that by the time she is 1 year old everything would be awesome and so much better, I just wanted that first birthday to get here. I honestly feel like I didn't even enjoy her first year before she cried most of it and I just tried to keep her calm and try to sooth her and try to have each day pass in hopes that the next one will be better. I had a lot of help from my dad who would come over during the day while my husband was at work and he would help and he suffered along with me. It's been such tough/rough year for me. She turned one and she did get out of the colic stage, but her temper and tantrums are seriously out of control. I'm so desperate and unhappy and I don't know know what to do anymore or how to handle it. I try my best every day and I still get plenty of help from my dad, but I'm here 24/7 with her and it's become sooooo difficult to handle. When she doesn't get something her way she will scream and cry and kick for hours if I let her.
The other day because we were in the car and she wanted to be taken out of the car seat she kicked and screamed and screamed and it terrifies me the way she screams and I finally gave in and took her out just in hopes that she would calm down and she didn't. She threw herself at me continuously and she screamed and kicked and as soon as my husband would pull over take her out of the car she would stop screaming, we put her back in the car to continue on our way and it's the same all over screaming, kicking. At home it's same if she gets tired and needs her nap she will cry/scream and will refuse to fall asleep in my arms or anywhere unless i take her out for a stroll and she falls asleep. She is 15 months now and it's been such a difficult time for me since she was born.
Me and my husband are under such stress, we do not have any time for each other at all, we are always dealing with her tantrums when my husband is home
Honestly there is no way to let her cry it out because she can go on crying for an hour without stopping and even when I'm trying to help her she is still doing the same. I don't know what else to do. I feel so hopeless like she'll never outgrow this.

I guess I'm just writing on here in hopes to hear some other moms tell me they been through it and it gets better??? I need some hope, stories, hope, hope, hope.

Will she ever outgrow this????
Even her own doctor has said he has not seen a kid with this much temper in a while and she is a special has with her tantrums. He tells me you gotta be tough and not give in to her wants, but honestly it's easier said than done when she cries till she throws up and not only does she cry she is throwing herself and i feel like all this crying is hurting her little body. I don't know what to do.I'm such a helpless mommy.

 

[xolynn]

Didnt wanna read and run on you, but just wanted to let you know I understand where you are coming from. Big My son goes through some very difficult patches...as a little baby he was def high needs/cried alot..and now as a toddler is very high energy...right now is screaming in his crib because he doesnt want to sleep(but is tired, about to go get him though since he wont sleep). For a few weeks he was such a good boy but is going back to more of the tantrums/whining/doesnt wanna play/doesnt wanna be picked up/doesnt wanna sleep. Lol. So maybe my hope for you is they do go through stages of better behavior?? Because between my sons 13 ish month up until a few days ago his behavior was fairly good...

 

[JessyG]

I dont really have any experience but i remember you from the colic days! We suffered them too although ours ended at 3 months thankfully. You did well to survive 8 months of non stop screaming! I just want to say i feel for you, and am sure you are doing a fab job.

I guess you will have tried distraction. Thats what works best for my lo. Either that or a change of scene, go out, to a different room, garden etc. My girl loves babies and children so if she is being a fussy i carry her outside to watch the kida play....she loves it.

 

[Wilsey]

I didn't want to read and run but I'm not sure what I can offer apart from

My son had tantrums where he would bang his head on the ground and just get so beside himself. To be honest, not a lot worked for us. He just grew out of them. But I think most of his tantrums were from frustration because we didn't know what he wanted, as soon as he could talk he didn't have tantrums anymore (ok, well he still has the odd one).

When he had a tantrum because he couldn't get what he wanted (ie got told no) then I either tried to distract him or I said 'ok, well, you cry as long as you want to and I'll be right up here when you're done. I love you' and just leave him to it. It was hard to listen to, but I found that even when I thought 'ok, sheesh, he's been crying long enough I better go and try and comfort him' I'd go over and it would set him off again, and the tantrum would end up twice as long. I always wished I knew a better way to deal with them, than ignoring it but I never found it.

It sounds like you're doing your absolute best! I know you just have to, but I can't even think about having a colicy baby for 8 months, it stresses me out. Kudos to you for doing so well and keeping calm.

In relation to the temper, my son has one on him too (think he got it from me...) and I'm still not sure what to do about it. But if he yells I just say 'that isn't how we talk to people'. I feel like eventually this repetition has to get through. Thankfully he's stopped hitting now though!! Glad that was just a phase!

Best of luck and if you pick up any good tips, do let me know!

 

[littlegreenie]

Sorry you are having such a difficult time. I have no great advice but just wanted to add that I think it's quite a difficult stage as they know what they want but can't really communicate it and can't really understand why they can't have all they want. My daughter is now 2 and although throws far greater tantrums she can understand cause and effect and consequences. She can communicate clearly what she wants and although won't always agree with why she can't have things she can understand it a bit and be rewarded when her behaviour is good. Hope things improve for you.

 

[Maxy1]

Dumb question but have you checked for dairy or gluten allergies? I personally am not a big believer in colic. When my son had 'colic' it was because he was gluten and dairy intolerant and would scream from painful reflux. He scratches his neck and chest raw now when he gets it. Gluten in particular has some links to mood and behaviour disturbances in youth.

I agree with pp about that frustration stage.

 

[Melisa1985]

Thank you all for such wonderful advise and kind words and all the wonderful hugs!!! Reading all your comments just gives me a little bit of a push to keep on having "hope" and that i'm not alone and there is so many mommies dealing with tantrums. Maybe mine is a special case which is so severe, but I honestly keep hoping that this has to pass some day and it has to get better. There is bad days where I can break down and have a good cry, but there is good days like today where I have such high hopes and keep on thinking maybe just maybe tomorrow, or in a week, or a month she will outgrow this. : / Such a tough year it has been. Some of you have mentioned maybe when she can communicate what she wants maybe she will have less of tantrums and that is a def. a good point. I just think she is a tough cookie, at her check ups, she will fight her doctor with her arms, try to hit him, kick him, push him away, grab his face, as funny as that may sound, she will protect herself in any way possible and to see a 15 month old doing that it's just amazing. Even the doctor is like wow she is strong. As amazing as that may sound, i'm a tiny woman and trying to handle her when she is throwing tantrums is def. hard, she tries to bite me, hit me, kick...well I think need a SUPER NANNY. lol....I'll just keep hoping for better days...Thanks to all you lovely ladies for taking your sweet time to read and right a few words of encouragement. Hugs to all back!!!

 

[JessyG]

I would say it will definitely get better. My oh said today that our lo had been such a moan the last few days when she doesnt get what she wants or she throws herself back if you try to move her away. Little madams we have! Hopefully that means we will be raising strong women!