Toddler weaning and independence

[BlingyGal]

I first posted this in the BF forum but no responses. Just trying my luck here...In sum, my question is whether my toddler might become more independent from me if I stop breastfeeding?

My daughter is 20 months and still breastfeeds, usually 2-3 times a day.
We've been having a tough go of things since December, lots of illnesses back to back, her sleeping is suddenly full of wake ups which means her dad or I are up with her in the middle of the night. I'm nursing her more (a good thing when she's sick).
Her general disposition is a mommas girl, I'm number one in her eyes. She acts less independently with me compared to anyone else. She wants me to carry her everywhere, even up and down the stairs!
We're just back from a family vacation with both sets of grandparents. They got to see the day to day of how my daughter is less independent when I'm around. Plus she was sleeping horribly while we were there, waking everyone up at night with her screaming, she wanted to nurse all night long - long story short, I'm exhausted and the grandparents are encouraging me to wean her.
I have been feeling more and more 'done' with nursing for a couple of months. And I wonder if she'd be more independent if I stopped nursing her. This way of thinking is counter intuitive to how I normally think about it - I'd prefer if she decided to stop nursing rather than me decide for her.
I feel sad about stopping and worry that I'm being cruel to her. If she's nursing more, she needs it, right?
Help!
As an aside, my husband and I would like to take a 3 day vacation without her in April - that'll certainly end my milk production - maybe we shouldn't go. We've never spent a night away from her.
Obviously I'm full of turmoil about this issue. 😭

 

[redneckhippy]

At 20 months you have already done an amazing job and there is no reason to feel bad or guilty for being ready to be done. Does your daughter take bottles or sippy cups well? My son took them without a problem, so what I did is I just stopped offering nursing, but would let him if he wanted to. But I also always let him have a bottle or sippy when he wanted it. He was a little younger about 15 or 16 months, but it went very well. If you want to take a gentle approach I would just stop offering and try to distract her but if she really wants to then allow her too. Also, you could dress in clothes that don't allow easy access. Also you could postpone, like say she wants to nurse after dinner, say something like "not now honey, we're going to [x,y,z fun activity]. I can get you a glass of milk and you can nurse at bed time." That way you're decreasing the frequency gently.

 

[SarahBear]

No weaning her won't make her more independent. Nursing is a way for her to feel secure and attached to you. If you take that away, it will just mean she'll need to find another method of connecting and feeling secure. I also think you should try to deflect the pressure from others. My friend was pressured into weaning her daughter before 2. Her daughter continued to be clingy and needy and my friend just felt guilty about stopping before her daughter was ready. As for spending 3 nights away, it takes more than that for your milk to dry up and just because your daughter isn't ready for weaning, doesn't mean she isn't ready to be without when you're gone. I'd say just pump for your own physical comfort and resume your nursing relationship when you return. All that being said, if you make the personal decision to wean, then that's your decision and your daughter will adjust.

 

[Eleanor ace]

My LO's always became more independent once they were weaned (although they were younger) and, although I do miss it sometimes life is a lot easier now we're not bf'ing anymore.

 

[staralfur]

I weaned my LO almost 2 years ago and she's still very much a mama's girl! Always wants to cuddle, likes to be close to me, wants me around when she's doing things. She has gotten a level of independence as she's gotten older but the affection and wanting me to do things with her is definitely still there. She's also way more so that way with me than anyone else.

She was also 3 when I weaned her though so had already gained a bit independence just based on age, so it's hard to say whether it would have sped up that process if I weaned earlier. I feel like it wouldn't have, but no way to know for sure I suppose!

If you want to wean then by all means, it's your choice. But I wouldn't do it if you're just hoping for a behaviour change or because others are pressuring you.

As for leaving for 3 days, we left my LO for two nights right before her 2nd birthday and I had no problems whatsoever with my supply. I brought my manual pump with us and I think I pumped once or twice just to relieve engorgement but nothing major.

 

[BlingyGal]

Thanks for all the replies.

I'm going to keep breastfeeding her until she's ready to stop (or until I'm more certain that I want to stop).

I assumed that three nights away would mean my milk would dry up. I'm happy to know that's not necessarily true. I'll get a manual pump and just use it to keep myself comfortable while we're away.

Now I have to get used to the idea of being away from her for three nights, eep! That's a whole other ball of wax.