told my mother she could come but now...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by expecting76, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. expecting76

    expecting76 Well-Known Member

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    ... i'm really starting to regret it! she's planned to arrive (we live a flight away) around my due date. i really tried to encourage her to come later but she ignored all hints and efforts on my part. now i wish i had been more firm. i really don't want her at the hospital but i'm worried that once she's in the house, it will be awkward or strange to leave her at home when dh and i rush off. so i find myself worrying about when i'll go into labor bc i'd like it to happen before she comes. her trip has become a big stressor all around. i don't think she believes we'll be able to handle things without her help, but the truth is, as much as i love her, she's one of those people who believes they are being very helpful when, in fact, they are creating more work. plus my husband has just a few weeks off from work to bond with the new baby. i just wish we'd kept it to the three of us; i think i made a big mistake. am i overreacting?
     
  2. Ozzieshunni

    Ozzieshunni Guest

    Nope, my parents live a flight away and I've asked them to come a month after he's born just to give us time to settle in. They totally understand. I would speak to her again and say that if possible for her to change her flights. Besides, you never know when baby will come. She could be there for an additional two weeks after your due date waiting.
     
  3. keljt1127

    keljt1127 Well-Known Member

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    no i understand where you are coming from!
    I had to fight my way into making sure my mother isnt in the room when he is born ! she tried making me feel bad saying her mother ( my gma) saw all the births of her grandchildren and it wasnt fair that she couldnt have the same thing! But I want that special momment with my OH only!

    and me and OH dont live together at the momment so I will acutally be liking the fact my mom can be there to help me because if I want and get sick of her i can just leave to my OH's house when he is off work LOL.

    But i understand how you want that special time with him and your baby only :hugs: It's something you can never get back so maybe you should re talk to your mother
     
  4. keljt1127

    keljt1127 Well-Known Member

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    Also I'll add in that I told my mom she could be there when he is born but re thought things and told her that I acutally just wanted me and OH.... of course she was pissed off... and upset....
    and she tried making ME SEEM LIKE THE BAD daughter.... and she threatened some stuff but really its up to you and your OH because it's something you can't take back!

    Maybe tell her to come a week later?
     
  5. tiggerpony

    tiggerpony Well-Known Member

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    I am the opposite! Saying that, I only want my mum in the room with me and my hubby while I am giving birth - simply due to the fact I truely believe my mum will keep me focused and calm (I have a VERY, VERY low pain threshold) where as my poor hubby will just be worrying he can't stop the pain! But after she is born, my mum can have a cuddle with baby and then she will be going back to her house. Me and hubby will then be going back to our flat... so It's not like she will be staying with us. We have said no visitors for the first week at all.
     
  6. expecting76

    expecting76 Well-Known Member

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    thanks ladies. i think it's too late to ask her not to come. i just think her hurt feelings and resentment over the change in plans would linger for years to come, and that probably in the long run it's not worth it. but i do wish she hadn't been so pushy and insistent, and i wish i had been firmer in the beginning. at the time my dh thought i was crazy for worrying about it ("she's your mother, of course you're going to want her here!") only these past weeks, as he finally got round to reading the pregnancy/delivery book, did he come and say, oh, it says in the book that house visitors should be avoided during the first few weeks! i was so frustrated -- his lack of support for my instinct that we should be alone during those early weeks was a big reason i caved and told me mother to come. i just wish it hadn't turned into such a stressor. lesson learned = next time i will follow my instincts.
     
  7. Starglow

    Starglow Well-Known Member

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    I wish my Mum was still alive to help me out. Instead I have the battle with the mil lol. She's a flight away and she'd be having the baby for me if she had her way. At first she wanted to be at the hospital while I am in labour. I put my foot down. No way do i want anyone staying with us before or during labour. She still thinks she's booking a flight as soon as hubby tells her I'm in labour. In fact today....I'll be telling her nicely that we don't know how short or long my hospital stay will be and that we want time just the three of us at home first. Even just two days to settle in. I know she's an excited grandmother but she's really overpowering and wrecks my head..... And ...... Breath. Lol

    Just focus on YOU not your mum. Hopefully she'll help round the house x
     
  8. Brieanna

    Brieanna Well-Known Member

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    I am somewhat in the same boat as you, I stupidly agreed to call my mil and other family members as soon as I go into labor when we were all talking at Christmas (even though I didn't really want to, but it was Christmas!) but now, after I have done more research and stuff I am dreading it and like you feel it is really too late to change anything without hurting anyones feelings.

    Since I am breastfeeding I am planning on just closing myself in the nursery while I nurse and basically just leaving them to their own devices in the living room (we have a very small house too). I am just going to focus on the the baby, my OH and myself and hopefully everything works out.

    I love my family but OH only has 2 weeks off and I really want it to just be us, plus when his family visits I feel I have to be a good "hostess" because they aren't from here so can't really do anything or go anywhere themselves. I just want a few days to settle before we get bombarded. I guess I will know better next time too.

    Good luck, and if you suddenly think of anyway to un-promise something without hurting feelings let me know. :)
     
  9. leanne_h_89

    leanne_h_89 Well-Known Member

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    I never told my mum she could be in for ye delivery, she just assumed. I hadn't really thought about it but my OH really wants it to just be us. I think his mum is even wanting to be there as he's an only child so she won't get the experience.
    I'm so worried about upsetting people so I've dropped it into convo jokingly with my mum that I want to be just us but she got all defensive and starting listing all the reasons it'd be good to have her there.
    I just think it's gonna be a stressful time as it is and it's so frustrating that ppl can't take a back seat and just ask us mums what we want and be ok with whatever we choose :(
    It's so frustrating! X
     

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