Too clingy starting to struggle

[laura109]

Help!! I absolutely understand toddlers will get clingy at some stage and its not a problem but its getting extremely stressfull. It triggered 6 weeks ago when i took her to nursery 4 times. The nursery was not good and to cut a long story short i took her out again.

Obviously theres a new baby coming. She seems excited she plays DR's with the bump and kisses my tummy through her own choice. Despite this im aware shes St I'll going to feel abit of insecurity etc but its reducing me to tears almost because she is reluctant to be without me.

She used to love time with daddy. He took her to the park after work and into the garden. It helped me get on or rest. She used to let her dad and me take it in turns to bath her and put her to bed. She has gone from that to screaming till she's nearly sick if he or anyone else tries to do anything for her. She squeezes my hands in fear and pleas with me to let her stay home. She refused to go to the shop with her dad yesterday and the park. It resulted in her screaming and near ly squashing my stomach climbing on me.she refused to go with her auntie the other day who could see i was exhausted and offered to take her for tea and to play with her cousins. I never get offered a break usually from family and was just so disappointed that the 2 hours peace i was offered couldn't happen.

Ive played with her. Took her to playgroups etc but i am absolutely worn out and aching. She stands crying at the side of the bath as i shower.she wont let me nip upstairs for a wee or to grab something without shouting mummy and following me. Shes in my bed every night after i spend an hour laying on her bed with her every night whilst she falls asleep,for her to wake up in early hours. She screams when i go in appointments. Its absolutely emotional ly draining me. She is also constantly whinging and sitting right next to me. How do i help her get over this. How will i manage a baby with her being so intense. I understand her feelings but it cant go on like this. Help x

 

[lau86]

It's difficult but I think as much as you can try and go with it, I think the more you push against her the longer the phase will last. My daughter is a bit like this but to be honest it's a bit more on my terms as I read her stories every night etc and she will mostly sleep ok.
Have you tried gentle boundaries? Yes she can be clingy but jumping on your stomach is not ok, whinging is not ok. You've got to pick your battles and make small changes e.g. She can come upstairs to the toilet but must stand outside or something like that.
The sleep thing is a killer and I've got to say if it was one of mine I would struggle- you need some time to yourself in the evening. Has she always slept badly or is it a new thing? She's 2.5 so assuming she isn't teething/ in pain or something I would look at doing some sleep training.

 

[Button#]

Mine's just the same at the moment. She's cutting her last teeth and going back and forth with napping so she's in a foul mood anyway. They just need a lot of reassurance and like pp said clear boundaries on what's acceptable. It will pass.

 

[Babybum35]

That sounds rough. Your post makes me wonder if maybe something happened at nursery and she doesn't know how to communicate it and she's scared to be alone. I will say that my 2 year old also gets clingy and whiny especially if she's not sleeping well. We all bed share and she's still nursing so that has helped. I think too there's a transition happening like maybe she's noticed your mood change. Have you tried explaining to her what's happening?? Not that there's a baby coming but that sometime s mommies need a nap and that the new baby means your gonna need dds help... When it comes to others helping as if they can just sit at your house with dd and take it slow. I hope things get better soon

 

[laura109]

Thanks for your replies. 6 children were starting when she did and we all removed them. The staff just could bot settle them and were making us stay and rather than do 3 hours sending us home after an hour. I paid £109 for the month and i looked after her myself. The crying etc was too much for her and the atmosphere was chaos.

She has always been a great sleeper until now apart from the odd bad week. She overall has been totally content her whole life.

Her dad took her to the park yesterday and i had 2 hours peace. She stopped screaming when they got u the road and had a great time apparently.

I think she very much is attatched to me. Her grandparents both sides never bother with her. One of them is devoted to my oh sisters toddler seeing her nost days. I sometimes feel like she has no hope of building up relationships elsewear as nobody has ever asked to see her family wise not even once every couple of months. I would like my parents to try and have her one or two afternoons before baby comes so she can experience them looking after her before labour starts but it wint happen. Unfortunately we have learnt both sets of parents wont change. So yeah things are hard all around at the moment. I think thats ehats upsetting me the most is not having a true idea qhere she will be staying

 

[Babybum35]

Man alive that's rough. Do you have any friends with kids your dds age??? It might be worth it to try a toddler time at your local library and see if you can develop some friends and see if they would keep her. I know my dh and I would be in the same spot. His parents are deceased and I'm not comfortable with her spending that much time with mine (long story) but I have a few friends with toddler age kids I would ask to help out a few hours a day. I know kids are super sensitive and as hard as it might be it's really important that you take care of yourself so you don't end up resenting dd....

 

[petite ping]

I think that you should ask your DH to take her out or let her Aunt/Grandparents take her even if she starts screaming. I think she is doing it to stay with you and that once she is out of the house and she should settle down.

If your DH is giving the bath, it may be better that you leave the room (or even the house) and not go into the bathroom even if she is screaming the house down. We find that it is easier to calm DD2 down once she realises that Mommy won't come no matter how much she screams.

If you keep on giving in to her screaming fits it will be really difficult when the baby arrives.

It's not a case of rejecting her completely but teaching her to accept a little distance from time to time especially if you know she is in good hands.

DD2 goes through clingy phases, normally after a change in her life or routine. This is followed by clingyness and waking up 3-4 times a night. I usually accept it for a week or two - the time to reassure her but afterwards it's back to normal even if I do have to be a bit distant.

At DD2's preschool, the teacher tells me that once the parents leave, the kids stop crying miraculously. I think your nursery should have asked you to leave after an appropriate amount of time especially after the first day.

 

[auger98]

I can imagine the exhaustion that you feel, this is a rough stage to go through. Does she stop crying eventually when she goes out with her Father or other family members or is in the nursery? I think the important, consistent thing to do is demonstrate to her that even if she doesn't see you for a short time, you do come back. I know its hard, but it will get better!