too younge?

[wannabemum1]

Hi all. i am new to this and need some advise.

I'm 18, and in a long term relationship with my boyfriend (20), we spoke about trying for a baby and we both feel ready to be parents. I'm in my last year at colllge and have savings. i have a part-time job and he has a full time job and it on good money. Though we dont have our own house we do live together and are both fully finacially independant. I just dont know whether is it the right thing to do, bringing a baby into this world now? I feel ready as i could be to become a mum but i'm just worried about being sterotyped. Does anyone have any advise.

 

[Bumblebee24]

Hi Hun,

I didn’t want to read and run. I am now 24 & also felt ready for a baby at the age of 19-20. The only thing holding me back was one my OH. He didn’t feel as ready as me, nor did have our own house.

We have been together now for 11 years, now have our own house & not to mention the fantastic holidays we have been on together.

We are now at the stage in our life when the both of us feel ready. We are due to get married in 2 years and can’t wait fingers crossed we will have a little one by then.

Hun u need to make sure you are 100% ready, I mean no-one is every really completely ready.

You did need to think once you have that little one there is no going back. It’s always the 3 of you never just the 2 of you. Have you been on holidays together, have you been to gigs, festivals, long weekends away, girly holidays, even just meals out & nights in together eating pizza with a few drinks and a film, enjoy time as a couple.

Once a baby comes all of that will go out the window. All I can say is I am so glad I waited those few years and trust me it will fly by. If its meant to be it will be, to many ppl rush into having babies thinking it will complete the relationship. It puts a hugh strain on the relationship, no sleep, money, etc Anyway don’t worry about wat other ppl will think you no if it’s the right thing to do.

hope that helps slightly and sorry for my massive msg

 

[BabyD41]

Bumblebee24 took the words right out of my mouth!

You have to determine whether or not you feel ready. No one can make that decision for you. I am 19(20 next month), I have been married for 8 months, my husband and I both have stable FT jobs, am a homeowner, and we have decided to try. However I know a LOT of people my age that are not ready (emotionally or financially) and that is their decision and their life! Do what is best for you.

 

[KateDan]

hi hun...im a little older than you..im 20..i also really want to be a mom....its my dream...however after searching my self and after talking to many ladies in forums and so on, i realised that i wanna live first...i dont want to miss out..please, dont do anything unless you are 100% sure of it....live an exciting , full life before becoming a parent....

 

[HoneyBunnyxx]

Don't worry about what other people think. It's your decision, not there's. Maybe you should try babysitting for week and see how you handle it? Or you could adopt a puppy! It'll give you a taste of what life with a bubba will be like .

Or maybe you should go with 'not trying but not preventing' and if it happens, it's meant to be!

Good luck, either way x

 

[MirandaH]

Bumblebee is right on point with everything that she has said. The only words of wisdom that I could possibly add is that while considering all of this, you must also consider how well you will handle things if everything is not "perfect." No one ever wants to think about it and no one ever thinks that it could happen to them, but it does happen. My OH had a baby when he was 22 that died a week after he was born from a chromosomal abnormality. And after having two completely healthy and perfect babies, I gave birth to a child with severe health problems.

To look at her, you would never know that anything was wrong, other than the glasses. But she has more than one life threatening condition that turned my world upside down. Child care so that I could work a regular job was out of the question. I can't tell you how many times I was told that she was a "liability." Those willing to take the chance wanted anywhere from $300 to $750 a week to take care of her, so I became a stay at home mom who rarely slept for five years until she finally started school. I went more than five years without sleeping in a bed.

Before having my daughter I never would have considered a situation such as mine when people asked if I thought they were ready. After already having two healthy babies, I was not, and never could have been prepared for what waited for me behind baby number 3, but the experience with the others helped get me through. No matter what you decide, it has to be your decision and only you can know how ready you are. But please make sure to consider how ready you are if things are less than "perfect." Trust me, it can strike anyone out of nowhere.

 

[mommyerbeck]

Well me and my husband were high school sweet heart and have been together 3 yrs this month we have a 3 month old my advice is if u want a baby just realize life will never be the same and it does put stress on a relationship I enjoy my son and want more kids but never realized how much it takes to work clean house and take care of a baby it makes it hard to have free time but I wouldn't change it for the work being 20 and a moms great but it's not cheap

Hope you the best

 

[LovemyBubx]

hi

You have had alot of helpful comments & alot of them are about waiting & living first which is very important for you to think about, but if you dont mind i'm going to give you my story which is from a different point of view.

I met my OH when i was 16. I found out i was pregnant when i was 18 & had DD at 19.

TBH i didn't feel a strain on me & OH at all, we were a great team, he was very supportive of me & made sure i was ok & he is the best dad in the world & he loves our daughter, our family, more then anything & i would never doubt this.

We lived with family (OH mum & my parents) until DD was 2 & a half years old.
This was really hard, i didnt feel i could do what i wanted to do as a mum & always saying sorry for disturbing anyone during the night, plus everyone felt that they were allowed to take DD whenever they wanted without really listening to the fact that i didnt want them doing that (i was worried that my newborn wouldnt have a strong bond with me if all different people kept picking her up when she cried) plus you get so much unwanted advice.

But then that depends how your relationship is with your family, if they would listen to you.

But we were able to save money & we are now in a council flat, it was hard to get we had to fight for it alot & we had to bid on properties that were far away from OH work, but we got lucky.

I have lost all my friends, they dont have children yet, but right now they dont seem very important in my life, all that is important for me right now is my family & i love it that way.

It can be challenging as a mum, children like to test you & try to push you to your limit & also they love to creep into your bed in the middle of the night, but to be honest with you having my daughter is the best thing i have ever done, she brings me so much happiness & shes funny & she does so many cute things & its amazing to watch her grow & to develop & i love teaching her new things & she shows me everyday how much she loves me & we have so much fun together.

I personally would rather spend my money taking me, OH & DD on a special day out then go drinking & clubbing.

Me & OH will go out now & again to the cinema or out to eat, but we usually stay in play on the ps3, watch films, ...have a shower together

Having a child young does not end your life, but you wont be able to do everything you want sometimes, but once your child has grown you will still be young enough to do alot of the stuff you had planned, theres bound to be over 40s nights right?

Right now me & OH are ready to get engaged (hoping i will get my surprise soon) & we are planning baby no2.

Every family has their own problems & every family does things that not everyone will agree with but aslong as you & your family are happy then why care what everyone else thinks.

You just do what you think is right, feel free to PM me if you want.

Good luck with everything x

 

[KateDan]

consider this, hun...if you were 100% sure you wanted to be a mother, you wouldnt need approval or a second opinion...you would feel so strongly about it that you would have no doubt...i think this applies to any decision in life...the more confident you are about what you want, the less you care what others think.....

weigh out the pros and cons.....
this is coming from someone almost YOUR age who's uterus is screaming "lets have a baby!" but other factors are holding me back.... i can relate to what you are going through....think it over and you'll figure it out....and of course talk it out with OH...

 

[miabeth]

I'm 18, and I feel mentally I am could be ready for a child. Financially, not so much. In the next couple years, there's a few things on my "before baby" list to do for myself & with OH. I want to be married first, and I imagine doing so around 20. I also want to become healthy, because I want to be at the healthiest time on my life when I become pregnant! I hear it's so much easier to get back in shape after you give birth if you already lived a healthy lifestyle. I don't want to do any drastic travelling, but I would enjoy some weekend's away with OH. There are little things I want to do. I also want to save money, of course!
I figure by the time we're married, I'll find it hard to convince myself to WTT much longer!

Anyways, my point was just make sure you do all the little things you want to do first. Their simple & easily accomplishable now, not so much later.

 

[lynnikins]

im now 26 going on 27 in jan and have 3 children under 5 , we got married when i was 21 and I wanted kids right away, Now we cant afford to go away on holidays because its too costly , we cant afford to get on the housing ladder though we have finally found a decent sized house for a decent price though my husband now commutes 100miles for work and stays there 2 nights a week and works from home the other days. Its a mammoth task to get a babysitter organized who is experienced enough to handle my children as its not easy to do dinner/bed if your not familiar with their routine so going out anywhere before they are all in bed for the night is hard work and costly.
I wouldnt trade my kids for anything but some days I wish i had lived a bit more before having them, we didnt have a honeymoon and have had to at times rely on our parents for help, id definately want to be more finnacially stable before starting a family if i could do things over instead of having student debt

 

[LadyMorgan]

I'm past 40, and I distinctly remember feeling very ready to have a baby at age 18. I waited until I was 30, and had completed my education...and I've never regretted waiting. I shudder to think what my life would have been like if I had become pregnant at 18. If you can wait even a few years, and pursue your education, then you will be in a much better position to support your child and give it every opportunity.

 

[wannabemum1]

I know everyone had different views on when is the right time to have a baby, the way I see it, if me and my OH try, if it happens it happens but Im not preventing it from happening.

When I was 15, my mum had her fourth ( my little sister ) it was completely unexpected and for that reason my mum didn't care, yes she loved her and now it's all she thinks about, but for e past 15yars of her life all she wanted to do was go out and enjoying having three grown up children. We had a few family troubles and I took on the role of the night feeds for my mum, I babysat most night for her as well. So I know what it is like to struggle with a baby and trying to maintain a education. This is why I feel I have experience in that fled.

I know people probably think Im crazy for wanting to become a mum but tbh that's all I've ever known. Talking on this for some is like asking for other opinions but I don't see it that, its asking for advise from others who have felt the same and maybe experiencing the same.

 

[wannabemum1]

consider this, hun...if you were 100% sure you wanted to be a mother, you wouldnt need approval or a second opinion...you would feel so strongly about it that you would have no doubt...i think this applies to any decision in life...the more confident you are about what you want, the less you care what others think.....

weigh out the pros and cons.....
this is coming from someone almost YOUR age who's uterus is screaming "lets have a baby!" but other factors are holding me back.... i can relate to what you are going through....think it over and you'll figure it out....and of course talk it out with OH...

It's not that I care what others think, was asking for people's advise and see what they have been thought, regardless of others opinions me and OH still want to try for a baby. He cannot wait to become a dad, when I see how happy he is when we talk about it makes my heart melt. I know he wants this as much as me