Torn apart..

[jennijunni]

I am so sorry. It is normal to blame yourself, and is a part of grieving, but done let it get carried away. It can hurt your heart even more. Nothing you did caused this, please try to go easy on yourself. I am so sorry for your loss, it is so devastating. We are here to listen, and comfort as much as we can. Lots of hugs!!

 

[winterwonder]

The hospital i was at were amazing about creating as many souvenirs as possible, so i've also got buds handprints, his tags saying baby of christine, all his measurements in a pretty booklet instead of a birth certificate and they took photos for me as well.

My oh has been pretty good but doesnt always talk about him and can only cry in front of me, i know he only just got round to telling his best friend who lives abroad as the idea of writing that letter was difficult for him to do.

i hope your ok xxx

 

[TrinUC]

I have a question -- how are all of your husbands, boyfriends, partners and so on taking everything that has happened?

I had a bit of a rant yesterday about my OH. My thread is called "Just need support,feel so lost." I did go off on one a bit but I felt really unsupported yesterday by him as his way of dealing with things is to make himself busy with things. He shut himself away in the office last night working on a business plan of a business he is looking to buy. I know this is important and ultimately wanting to do this for our family (when we finally have one!). I know this is his way of coping, as sadly he lost his dad on 21st Sept. His way of coping was to be there for his mum, he took control of the funeral & all the bills, payments etc.....he never grieved I dont think. We both had a few drinks a few nights after Bertie was born and he opened up loads. I say a few drinks (4 bottles of wine!! And I am usually a non drinker!!).

I think blokes deal with things very differently to us. They are better at hiding their feelings, but I dont think this means they are not hurting. Part of my OH hiding his grief I think is not to upset me by talking about it if he can see I am in a good place....but by not talking about it was upsetting me. Us women I think need a hug & just someone to hold you tight when you just want to scream and cry, men deal with it in a completely different way.

How is your OH taking it?
x

My OH is doing the same, he's is burying himself in work. We both live with our parents, (he just turned 23 and I'm about to be 25, but I ran into financial problems when I lived on my own so had to move back in with my parents) but after he gets out from work he goes straight home, I'm finding myself begging him to come over and just cuddle with me. I feel like I failed him because of what happened to the baby so I feel like he's just staying away because he hates me or something, I know that's not true, but that's how I feel.

I have a question -- how are all of your husbands, boyfriends, partners and so on taking everything that has happened?

we were told before we even left the hospital by the chaplain, that at some point we would get annoyed at each other because we would grieve differently...this seemed crazy when she said it, but actually turned out to be true.

we were so close for the first few days and stuck together, but then, I think he felt a bit smothered, and he wanted to get out and see friends, but I wanted to stay at home and see nobody. We did have arguments, I remember someone else asking the same thing on here before, and lots of us said their relationship started off very close, then became strained, and they had to be sure to talk everything through to get through it together.

Although both parents lose a child, I think it is different for the woman. We carried the child, bonded, felt them move and grow inside of us, and had to give birth. I think guys don't tend to bond till later on, so it's slightly different for them. We have to deal with the empty stomach, endless bleeding, crazy hormones.

I also found that hubby doesn't talk about them much, but I know now that it's not because he doesn't love or miss them, but just because men tend to deal with things differently and keep things in to try and protect us. Hubby went to a funeral a few weeks ago, when he came home, he told me he had gone to the memorial garden, where we scattered the ashes, and said hi to our girls and told them we loved them and missed them. What he said (and did) was quite unexpected and it was so sweet. I loved him for that.

xxx

Yeah, my OH went and spent some time with his friends the other day and I was a bit hurt because I felt he chose them over me, but I understand he needs his time to grieve so I got over it. At the hospital they gave us a teddy bear and I gave it to him and today when I got into his car he had the teddy bear sitting there on the dashboard in front of him.. that made me happy too.

The hospital i was at were amazing about creating as many souvenirs as possible, so i've also got buds handprints, his tags saying baby of christine, all his measurements in a pretty booklet instead of a birth certificate and they took photos for me as well.

My oh has been pretty good but doesnt always talk about him and can only cry in front of me, i know he only just got round to telling his best friend who lives abroad as the idea of writing that letter was difficult for him to do.

i hope your ok xxx

The hospital tried to get the footprints and handprints for us, but they didn't come out too well.. I guess it's because Angel Adalynn was only 16weeks.
My OH has only cried in front of me also.. He's a very difficult person to read in general.. before all of this happened I used to tell him he was like a robot because he would never show any emotion.. happy, sad, excited, nothing, he was always just there

 

[TrinUC]

I am so sorry. It is normal to blame yourself, and is a part of grieving, but done let it get carried away. It can hurt your heart even more. Nothing you did caused this, please try to go easy on yourself. I am so sorry for your loss, it is so devastating. We are here to listen, and comfort as much as we can. Lots of hugs!!

Thank you very much. I am trying very hard to stop blaming myelf. Thank you again.

 

[parisa]

Let me tell u that there is nothing that u could haver done to jeapordize ur baby's health honey! Sometimes as healthy as mothers are, babies are still lost. That happened to me, I loset my girl at five months pregnancy. I was eating healthy, waling regularly, no drugs, smokes or drinks......but she was still taken away from me.
I hope that and I know that u will make it through this really heart breaking time,
The way that ur feeling is only natural, However, over time, u will get to know that non of this was ur fault, it ws just a force , a horrible, horrible force of nature.
I am here for u, and I do know how u feel.
It does become easier over time, but to be honest, you will never completely be over the pain, There will always be that broken piece in ur heart, but do remember that ur baby is now in a better place, that is the only way that u can think of it!

Love,
Parisa

 

[TrinUC]

Let me tell u that there is nothing that u could haver done to jeapordize ur baby's health honey! Sometimes as healthy as mothers are, babies are still lost. That happened to me, I loset my girl at five months pregnancy. I was eating healthy, waling regularly, no drugs, smokes or drinks......but she was still taken away from me.
I hope that and I know that u will make it through this really heart breaking time,
The way that ur feeling is only natural, However, over time, u will get to know that non of this was ur fault, it ws just a force , a horrible, horrible force of nature.
I am here for u, and I do know how u feel.
It does become easier over time, but to be honest, you will never completely be over the pain, There will always be that broken piece in ur heart, but do remember that ur baby is now in a better place, that is the only way that u can think of it!

Love,
Parisa

Thank you very much, I'm sorry for the lose of your baby girl. It's getting better every day, but it still stings. Thank you again,

 

[daopdesign]

I think every mother blames themself at first but you must understand that it was nothing at all that you did wrong. I too lost my baby at 16 weeks and going through that pain and the delivery was the worse time of my life.

Afterwards you will feel like you are on an emotional rollercoster but it does get easier with time. Don't bottle your feelings up. I cried every morning for about 2 months when I woke up to the reality that I wasn't dreaming, I had lost my baby

Now is the time to plan an amazing memorial so you can remember and cherish your baby forever. You are in my thoughts and I hope you stay strong for the next few weeks

 

[TrinUC]

I think every mother blames themself at first but you must understand that it was nothing at all that you did wrong. I too lost my baby at 16 weeks and going through that pain and the delivery was the worse time of my life.

Afterwards you will feel like you are on an emotional rollercoster but it does get easier with time. Don't bottle your feelings up. I cried every morning for about 2 months when I woke up to the reality that I wasn't dreaming, I had lost my baby

Now is the time to plan an amazing memorial so you can remember and cherish your baby forever. You are in my thoughts and I hope you stay strong for the next few weeks

Thank you, I'm sorry you lost your baby too. The pain and delivery definitely was the worse thing I have ever been through in my life, I felt cheated.. went through all of that and then left the hospital empty handed..

I think I'm doing better though, at night when I'm laying in bed is when it gets bad... Angel Adalynn had been moving around for a few weeks before I lost her so now when I lay in bed I expect to feel her moving and I feel nothing, but a broken heart.

 

[jennijunni]

I am so sorry. This loss is so fresh, and it will hurt for a long time. We are here to offer support and love, and if at all possible comfort in your time of need. We unfortunatley all share this common, terrible bond, but the friendships here, and the woman here are all so wonderful, and it makes the burden a little easier to bear. Lots of hugs to you, and I again, am so, sorry. Hugs.

 

[TrinUC]

Thank you very much.
Yes, in the short time that I've been a member in this forum I have gotten a glimpse of all the love and caring that is shared here. These women are all wonderful, including you. Thank you again for your kindness.