Traumatised after emergency C-section...?

[firecracker25]

my son was born last wednesday by emergency c-section, we are both doing well since but it was scary as hell at the time. We went to the hospital at 9:00am tuesday morning where I was induced at term + 14 after hours of monetering and no signs other than tightenings I was induced for a second time, which after a few hours resulted in some minor contractions. DH was sent home at 9:00pm and I was left on the moniters from then.

At around 11:00 the nurse on duty noticed that the babys heart rate had fallen and within 15 minutes there were two doctors in the room. I was put on a drip to see if LO would respond as he wasn't moving much when they were prodding my bump. Within the hour my husband was called back and I was in a gown and cathiter inserted before I had even left the ward.

DH arrived just as I was being taken to theater, and was informed that he could go no further as I was going to be put under. I remember being moved from one bed to the next and suddenly being surrounded by at least 20 people. I was shaking and crying as they put me under. The next thing I know I'm being wheeled back down the corridoor afterwards. The pain in my stomach was so bad I kept mumbleing over and over that it hurt.

When I was brought into the room DH was there with LO but I was so out of it I couldn't really see them all that well. (lack of glasses didn't help either) I wasn't able to give LO his first feed either. DH was sent home within 5 minutes and LO was taken away to be cared for by the hospital staff. I was left with the nurses to be washed ect and then LO was brought back into the room and placed beside me.

We were back home as a family 2 days later.

I think as scared as I was that night must have been worse for DH as he had to see us go through that, but it didn't really hit me until the day we came home when he had to give me the injection, I started shaking and crying petrified that something was going to go wrong with the medication (that i had had two previous nights without fuss) and I was going to end up back in the hospital. I wouldn't let him come near me with it and he ended up calling my mum and getting his niece who is a nurse to come and give me the medication.

I feel mostly fine now, not really suffering with nightmares/flashbacks ect just frustrated that I can't do much of anything due to the healing wound/bruising but getting there slowly.

 

[jenhawk]

I had an emergency c-section almost two years ago. And when I say emergency- I mean just that. My son's cord prolapsed while I was still laboring and his heart stopped. They had to cut me in my room. No anesthetic, no sterile room. Nothing. If he wouldn't have done it baby would have died. In total it only took him 3 minutes to get him out but to me and my husband who was having to hold me down it seemed like forever! Luckily little one made it ok, nothing is wrong with him after no oxygen for 6 minutes! No birth defects or anything! It did take them 3 minutes to resucitate him and he spent 2 weeks in the NICU. I was in ICU for a week becuase my chance of infection was so high. It sucked.
I can't believe I agreed to do this again! LOL! This time I will have to be put out becuase I don't know if I can mentally handle being awake when the cut me again. I know that I probably wont feel it but I am so scared. It makes me nervous to even talk about. I would try a VBAC but I am scared of rupture.

Im going to have to ride it out but it's SCARY! I just hope I get some really good happy meds! : )

 

[havingmyfirst]

I felt traumatised after my emergency C section... talking about it was my way of getting over it, I had to talk about it and have my feelings understood. Thank goodness my mum was my birth partner and she and my husband were with me throughout my labour and then emergency C section so I could talk about it with them.

 

[chuck]

What you are feeling isnt worng hun, so dopnt ever feel that it is.

You have a healthy baby but sometimes it isnt enough to make you feel good about the experience.

I wont lie 2 and half years alter and I still cant say I'm 'over' it.

BUT...

I have come to terms with it and I allowed it to make my 2nd experience a wayyyy better one.

In the UK many hospitals offer a birth afterthoughts program where you can go talk to a senior MW about what happened and why and go through your notes which can help with understanding why your labour went the way it did, that can be a good starting point.

Speak with your Dr and discuss the possibility of getting some counselling.

I got some postnatal counselling and it helped in those first months.

PM me if you ever want to chat hun.

I had an EMCS with my DS1 after 24 hours active labour that i feel was mismanaged, I wento theatre without my husband as he is a dickhead and no one spoke to me in theatre. It was horrible the whole thing. I still cant think happy thoughts about DS1 entrance to the world. But like I said I have have used that to make me stronger.

 

[bounceyboo]

i had a very traumatic birth i was induced n then ended up having a emergency c section i coulnd even talk about his bith without crying n now 3weeks on im back to myself but i feel cheated about the way it happened i had this image of me pushing our baby out oh cutting the cord skin to skin straight away but i didnt get that my baby was taken away n put in a incubator for no reason there was nothing wrong with him all we wanted to do was cuddle him n he was there beside us in the incubator wrapped in a blanket peeping out at us

i found out i should have never been induced n given a section in the first place

 

[Jennbear]

I feel like a complete failure that I couldn't give birth to my baby boy and had to have a EMCS. I didn't bring my baby into the world, someone else did

Please someone tell me it's normal to feel like this a week after it all happened??

 

[havingmyfirst]

I feel like a complete failure that I couldn't give birth to my baby boy and had to have a EMCS. I didn't bring my baby into the world, someone else did

Please someone tell me it's normal to feel like this a week after it all happened??

Normal I felt the same way! BUT we carried them in our wombs... we did all the hard work really and lots of babies are born by section... it doesn't make much difference in the end. I mean you don't go around looking at adults and children and thinking - oh they were born by section that isn't so good. You will feel better soon... I feel better about it every week... I just look at our little boy and think I'm lucky!

 

[becky011]

I feel like a complete failure that I couldn't give birth to my baby boy and had to have a EMCS. I didn't bring my baby into the world, someone else did

Please someone tell me it's normal to feel like this a week after it all happened??

This is exactly how I feel
After getting to 9cm dilated they told me my only option was a c-section I felt like my whole world crashed in on me .... I have now had to stop breast feeding as well, I hate my body because I feel like it has failed me and my son, he is now constipated, got colic and is distressed due to having formula ... I have always wanted a large family but I am scared to do all of this again

 

[havingmyfirst]

I feel like a complete failure that I couldn't give birth to my baby boy and had to have a EMCS. I didn't bring my baby into the world, someone else did

Please someone tell me it's normal to feel like this a week after it all happened??

This is exactly how I feel
After getting to 9cm dilated they told me my only option was a c-section I felt like my whole world crashed in on me .... I have now had to stop breast feeding as well, I hate my body because I feel like it has failed me and my son, he is now constipated, got colic and is distressed due to having formula ... I have always wanted a large family but I am scared to do all of this again

I felt the same way as you for a couple of weeks... now 7 weeks and I love being a mummy and our baby boy so much I know I will do it again to have a second child if we can.

 

[becky011]

I feel like a complete failure that I couldn't give birth to my baby boy and had to have a EMCS. I didn't bring my baby into the world, someone else did

Please someone tell me it's normal to feel like this a week after it all happened??

This is exactly how I feel
After getting to 9cm dilated they told me my only option was a c-section I felt like my whole world crashed in on me .... I have now had to stop breast feeding as well, I hate my body because I feel like it has failed me and my son, he is now constipated, got colic and is distressed due to having formula ... I have always wanted a large family but I am scared to do all of this again

I felt the same way as you for a couple of weeks... now 7 weeks and I love being a mummy and our baby boy so much I know I will do it again to have a second child if we can.

Thanks hun, its really reassuring to hear from someone who has felt the same, I am now more hopeful that I wont feel like this forever, I am glad you are feeling better

 

[jd11]

I feel like a complete failure that I couldn't give birth to my baby boy and had to have a EMCS. I didn't bring my baby into the world, someone else did

Please someone tell me it's normal to feel like this a week after it all happened??

perfectly normal. it took me 4yrs to get over it. my first was born by EMCS at 33wks i was knocked out and barely remember seeing her for first time. she was in nicu for over a week and same for SCN. 4yrs later i tried vbac with my son which also ended in EMCS. it was after that i realised i tried everything i could and while it wasnt the perfect plan i had in my mind i had still given birth i was just cut open to do so. if i tried a vaginal birth my kids would not be alive. CS is not an easy option but it is also not any less a birth than vaginal. it will take time to sort through all your emotions and thoughts and talking can help. what i have learnt is that i have to be open minded to things i can not control sometimes we need a helping hand to get the end result

 

[Charlie5]

I was very traumatised and cried for days after my emergency c section but I think it's more that my son had a cord prolapse and the what if's around him being lucky to be here than the section itself.

The recovery I am finding difficult ie housebound with a baby and toddler for 6 weeks but nothing I can do about it but it is getting me down but thankfully my initial upset and crying seems to be passing.

 

[Flyergirl]

It's perfectly normal to feel this way after an EMCS. Everybody responds differently - there is a whole range of "normal". Talking about your feelings and just feeling your feelings helps you process them and move forward. I'm careful about who I share my experience with because a lot of people would say "your baby is fine, so you should just be happy about that and move on." It's OK to feel sad and scared even if the outcome was positive. It's major surgery done in an emergency situation - of course you're going to feel shaken up

I gave birth last Thursday by EMCS after 36 hours of induced labour. My pregnancy had been so uncomplicated and problem-free, I had no reason to believe I would be in that situation. It was made worse by the on-call senior OB at the hospital (not my OB) accusing me of resisting treatment and asking me if I wanted to "be the boss" and threatening to make me sign a waiver releasing the hospital of all responsibility should things go wrong - this after one of the resident OBs and I had agreed to delay - not refuse - the use of pitocin for a couple of hours as my baby was NOT in any distress or danger. So on top of everything, in the middle of my labour I had to stand up to Dr Jerk and tell him that there had been a miscommunication, that he was being adversarial and that he was not helping matters - in fact at that moment, my labour completely stalled. I have witnesses - my doula (who was super impressed with my ability to confront this guy and call him out on his power-tripping BS at 4cm dialated) and my mother. Anyway, after that, it all went to hell in a hand basket, I got an infection in my uterus, and a c-section was inevitable. Performed by Dr Jerk, of course - who, to his credit, had calmed down by that time and was being relatively supportive and kind. The surgery itself was terrifying because of all the pressure and pulling and I did feel some pain, which freaked me out, and the worst part was right after my son was born and they showed him to me, he was crying on the warmer and they gave me something to sedate me because I was starting to panic, and even though they told me what they were doing and why, I was convinced I was dying. And it made me so terribly sad - more sad than scared - because I had come all this way and fought so hard for my baby and now he was here and I was never going to see him grow up. I think that was the worst moment.

Later, when I started to process the experience, I was reluctant to label it as "traumatic" because I've heard of much worse cases. I still feel sad when I think about it, and angry with that doctor. But maybe I am a little traumatized, because a week later I still haven't looked at the incision. I absolutely refuse. I'm not ready to see how my body was mutilated. Thank god there are no full length mirrors in my house.

 

[Tegans Mama]

I was diagnosed with PTSD about 8 months after my section. It was the most horrific experience of my life. I won't go into detail because mums to be come in here and they don't need to know what happened but I am still terrified of having another baby now because of it.

 

[havingmyfirst]

It's perfectly normal to feel this way after an EMCS. Everybody responds differently - there is a whole range of "normal". Talking about your feelings and just feeling your feelings helps you process them and move forward. I'm careful about who I share my experience with because a lot of people would say "your baby is fine, so you should just be happy about that and move on." It's OK to feel sad and scared even if the outcome was positive. It's major surgery done in an emergency situation - of course you're going to feel shaken up

I gave birth last Thursday by EMCS after 36 hours of induced labour. My pregnancy had been so uncomplicated and problem-free, I had no reason to believe I would be in that situation. It was made worse by the on-call senior OB at the hospital (not my OB) accusing me of resisting treatment and asking me if I wanted to "be the boss" and threatening to make me sign a waiver releasing the hospital of all responsibility should things go wrong - this after one of the resident OBs and I had agreed to delay - not refuse - the use of pitocin for a couple of hours as my baby was NOT in any distress or danger. So on top of everything, in the middle of my labour I had to stand up to Dr Jerk and tell him that there had been a miscommunication, that he was being adversarial and that he was not helping matters - in fact at that moment, my labour completely stalled. I have witnesses - my doula (who was super impressed with my ability to confront this guy and call him out on his power-tripping BS at 4cm dialated) and my mother. Anyway, after that, it all went to hell in a hand basket, I got an infection in my uterus, and a c-section was inevitable. Performed by Dr Jerk, of course - who, to his credit, had calmed down by that time and was being relatively supportive and kind. The surgery itself was terrifying because of all the pressure and pulling and I did feel some pain, which freaked me out, and the worst part was right after my son was born and they showed him to me, he was crying on the warmer and they gave me something to sedate me because I was starting to panic, and even though they told me what they were doing and why, I was convinced I was dying. And it made me so terribly sad - more sad than scared - because I had come all this way and fought so hard for my baby and now he was here and I was never going to see him grow up. I think that was the worst moment.

Later, when I started to process the experience, I was reluctant to label it as "traumatic" because I've heard of much worse cases. I still feel sad when I think about it, and angry with that doctor. But maybe I am a little traumatized, because a week later I still haven't looked at the incision. I absolutely refuse. I'm not ready to see how my body was mutilated. Thank god there are no full length mirrors in my house.

I wouldn't look at my scar for over a week too, I think that's normal after a traumatic emergency C Section. Look after yourself and congratulations on your baby, I think all of us who had failed inductions and emergency C Sections deserve a pat on the back.

 

[honeybee2]

My labour never started. My waters broke but I was put on a drip to labour after two failed pessaries. He was born 56 hours after my waters broke and I was in a pitocin labour for 14 hours before my c section.

I feel like such a failure and I honestly thoughtI was one of those women who would just sail through it. But no. Please read my emergency c section story and see if it relates to yours. You're not alone. I still feel so traumatised by the birth and it took so long to recover and I had a nasty infection after that and didnt know for a week so I had a really bad fever (soaking the bed each night) and I couldn't bond with my baby properly. The only thing that made me recover mentally was citilopram (anti depressants). A week after takign them, I had that 'rush' of love for Louie. Of course, I loved him from the start and had a good maternal instinct and was very protective but it took a long time to accept him as a positive thing in my life. Now, I wouldnt be without him. Emergency c-sections do really mess you up in my experience.

I really thought I'd take to motherhood like a duck to water but I was resentful and depressed, stressed and ocd about cleaning and not spending anytime with my baby unless I was feeding him. I felt like I wanted to shake him. I've missed and forgoten the first month and half of his life which upsets me but I'm determined to not miss another moment now I'm better.

 

[Strike]

Thank goodness I found this thread!

I had an EMCS on Sept 18 after becoming severely Pre e and diagnosed with HELLP syndrome.

What has completely upset me is that I feel I was cheated out of the last two months of my pregnancy, the pregnancy wasn't even normal because I was so sick and, worst of all, I didn't even get a chance to see or experience my daughter's birth because I was under general. After I came to I only got to see her for a minute before they sent her to the NICU. I didn't even get to hold her!

Now I'm having issues trying to get her to BF, which is really her last hurdle before we can take her home. I'm having people tell me to just give up and go to bottle but, because of everything else that I was robbed of, this is one thing I'm not going to bend on. I know she'll get it. It will just take a bit.

I tried explaining all this to DH and he doesn't understand any of it. His view is I should focus on DD and forget about the surgery, but I just can't!

 

[jd11]

Thank goodness I found this thread!

I had an EMCS on Sept 18 after becoming severely Pre e and diagnosed with HELLP syndrome.

What has completely upset me is that I feel I was cheated out of the last two months of my pregnancy, the pregnancy wasn't even normal because I was so sick and, worst of all, I didn't even get a chance to see or experience my daughter's birth because I was under general. After I came to I only got to see her for a minute before they sent her to the NICU. I didn't even get to hold her!

Now I'm having issues trying to get her to BF, which is really her last hurdle before we can take her home. I'm having people tell me to just give up and go to bottle but, because of everything else that I was robbed of, this is one thing I'm not going to bend on. I know she'll get it. It will just take a bit.

I tried explaining all this to DH and he doesn't understand any of it. His view is I should focus on DD and forget about the surgery, but I just can't!

Is there someone that u can talk to about it? i wish i had because the whole experience had ruined the bonding i should have had with my daughter and i bottled everythi.g in which is probably why it took so long to move on from it.

its not easy having to be rushed off at 33wks but then on top having a baby staying in NICU and not coming home like they r suppose to can be very stressful and draining emotionally and physically. I hope u can find someone that u can talk to even for them to listen. i hope baby doesnt take long till they come home

 

[Flyergirl]

Thank goodness I found this thread!

I had an EMCS on Sept 18 after becoming severely Pre e and diagnosed with HELLP syndrome.

What has completely upset me is that I feel I was cheated out of the last two months of my pregnancy, the pregnancy wasn't even normal because I was so sick and, worst of all, I didn't even get a chance to see or experience my daughter's birth because I was under general. After I came to I only got to see her for a minute before they sent her to the NICU. I didn't even get to hold her!

Now I'm having issues trying to get her to BF, which is really her last hurdle before we can take her home. I'm having people tell me to just give up and go to bottle but, because of everything else that I was robbed of, this is one thing I'm not going to bend on. I know she'll get it. It will just take a bit.

I tried explaining all this to DH and he doesn't understand any of it. His view is I should focus on DD and forget about the surgery, but I just can't!

Awww - that's really tough. Your DH means well but it's hard for men to understand. You just do whatever you need to do to process this experience. I cried for days after my c-section and I had a great pregnancy - it was just labour & delivery that was such a nightmare. So you take your time, honey - you'll get there.

As for BF - if you want to keep at it, then by all means, keep at it. I'm havng problems too that have been exacerbated by being re-admitted to hospital for a few days and falling behind in my BF "homework". But one day after suffering a scary profuse bleed, I was back at it in my hospital bed, trying to get my little guy to latch and suck (he'll latch now, but he's lazy and won't suck - so frustrating!) I used to complain about papercuts and stubbing my toe - it's amazing what we will do for our kids, what reserves of strength we have! And listen: in Canada, many women take a year off work and the government makes this possible for us partly to encourage breastfeeding, because it's damn hard and it's best to do it for a year. So what's a few difficult days when you have 365 to work on this with your baby? Even if you have a shorter time off, you still have time to make this work. My nurse told me yesterday that sometimes it can take a few months and that's OK - they and you won't let your baby starve in the meantime. You're doing great - keep up the good work and don't be discouraged because people in your life aren't being supportive. Hang in there and all the best to you and your little girl.