Trouble Getting to Sleep

[A_Z]

My 19mo generally takes anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes to fall asleep at night. Some nights she's happy and talks to herself until she's asleep, which is fine, though mildly unsettling. Other nights she can be appeased with a small bottle (a habit we hate, but got stuck in when she was sick a while back). And some nights nothing keeps her happy! She's much better at naps, but bedtime can be rough.

I always had trouble falling asleep as a little kid (I remember being up for hours at 3 or 4), and assumed it was stress, but I'm wondering if it could be something she inherited from me.

Anyway, I'm wondering if you all have any advice for helping her get to sleep on those nights when she's not happy to lie in her crib. She's too big to bounce or rock to sleep, and when we're in the room with her she spends the whole time trying to get our attention. ("mommy. Mommy. MOMMY. MOMMY!!!) If we take her into bed with us she thinks it's playtime. And if we let her stay up later she becomes hysterical from exhaustion and eventually just passes out crying. Any ideas?

And this happens randomly, btw, not just on days with bad naps or when she's feeling sick or something.

 

[seoj]

Not sure this helps- but my LO has always been the same. She needs a lot of downtime before she's ready to settle and sleep. If she is Ok in her room- I let her to it. Which is fine- we just know to put her in her room about an hour before she would typically fall asleep (which is how we've always gaged her bedtime since she was old enough to play on her own).

She does go through stages where she is NOT ok on her own. She wants one of us in there- and it can take a while before she's settled and Ok for us to leave. Anywhere from 30-60mins (or longer). Those phases always pass- in a week or month(s)-- and then we can get back to her normal routine. Play in her room for a bit- snuggles, books etc... then leave her be till she's ready to lay down and fall asleep on her own.

On the nights she needs us more- I just try to be in her room. Not engage her too much (although sometimes easier said than done). Keep quiet best we can- try to read, or snuggle, or lay etc... if she will cooperate. Otherwise I just sit and "be there" while she does her own thing. Then, I try to leave- if she fusses, I still leave- give it a bit, then come back. If she really get's upset- I stay for a bit longer, but make it clear I'm leaving soon. In time, she's eventually Ok with it. Usually after she's been snuggled and calm in bed for a while.

She's in a great stage right now- I usually only have to stay in there maybe 20mins? Then say night night and leave. We have pushed her bedtime to 8pm- since 7:30 seemed a bit early for her lately. So the lights are never on- we just go in and try to settle. Instead of playtime in her room- we have it in our room, so we all have a little time together before PJ's, teeth brushing and bed...

sorry no great advise. Just know your LO is not alone!

 

[A_Z]

Wow, yes, that sounds a lot like my daughter. It definitely goes in phases, like you said. Right now she's in there shouting, "Da! Dadda! Da!" Hah. Not upset, just babbling and talking. Overall it's not a good stage, though.

Maybe we need to just start sitting in her room and reading or something. She really does seem to get hyped up when we're in there with her, but maybe if we ignored her long enough...

Thanks so much for your response!

 

[SarahBear]

It could be inherited. Violet can take anywhere from 15 to 60 minutes to fall asleep. It comes and goes in phases but never struck me as out of the ordinary, particularly when she's going through a lot of cognitive development.

 

[A_Z]

Last night ended up being rough again. She was content on her own for about an hour, but then started getting fussy. I tried going in and reading to myself for a while, but she got really upset when I wouldn't engage with her, so that sort of backfired.

She ended up being up until around 10:00, and then slept until 8 (usually we wake her by 7, but I was worried she'd be exhausted). It's a little like having a teenager!