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Trying to conceive sadness.

Shininglight

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Hello,

I have been reading through all of your touching posts, all of which are incredibly helpful, comforting and hopeful, so thank you for posting all that you have.

My partner and I have been TTC our first since the end of November 2013. I had my copper coil removed on the 26th of November. I felt different this month however I have discovered today this was just wishful thinking as my period arrived this morning during my yoga class.

Please don't think me rude or uninformed, I am aware that trying to conceive can take time, and hopefully I have lots of this but I cannot help but feel devastated at the arrival of my period this month.

I have been very tearful this morning coming to terms with the fact that this month is not my month, and I feel engulfed in the feeling that my body is failing.

I would like to ask you all for your advise on how to reduce the pain of hoping to be pregnant and having a treasured baby, and coming to terms with not being able to achieve that goal?

So many say that noone is aware of what one person is going through unless they are facing or have faced similar torment. How do you remain positive? I really wish not to face this pain again next month.

Thank you for all of your help.

Shininglight x
 
Hello,

I have been reading through all of your touching posts, all of which are incredibly helpful, comforting and hopeful, so thank you for posting all that you have.

My partner and I have been TTC our first since the end of November 2013. I had my copper coil removed on the 26th of November. I felt different this month however I have discovered today this was just wishful thinking as my period arrived this morning during my yoga class.

Please don't think me rude or uninformed, I am aware that trying to conceive can take time, and hopefully I have lots of this but I cannot help but feel devastated at the arrival of my period this month.

I have been very tearful this morning coming to terms with the fact that this month is not my month, and I feel engulfed in the feeling that my body is failing.

I would like to ask you all for your advise on how to reduce the pain of hoping to be pregnant and having a treasured baby, and coming to terms with not being able to achieve that goal?

So many say that noone is aware of what one person is going through unless they are facing or have faced similar torment. How do you remain positive? I really wish not to face this pain again next month.

Thank you for all of your help.

Shininglight x
Hi Shininglight!

I am in the same boat as you. My husband and I have been TTC since December 2013. I too know this is really not so long but I feel like it is completely consuming me. I too have been so dissapointed the past few months after that two week wait to find out I am not pregnant. It is literally so emotionally draining. I try to make myself feel better by telling myself that I am being irrational and impatient but it is so hard to make myself feel better. My husband feels like TTC is private so I can't even really talk to anyone about it and I am pretty sure he is sick of me being so devastated each month when it has not really been that long. I have been using the CBFM for two months and I can't help but think, if I timed sex correctly and I ovulate then why and I am getting pregnant?? I can't wrap my mind around this. I guess I just have this fear that the dissapointment I have felt the past few months with continue on and it scares me. To top it off, my two best friends are trying to get pregnant now too, one of them who already has a child. I know this is horrible but I feel nervous finding out that one of them is pregnant because it will make me feel even worse. I know most of my problem is that I am being a control freak but when my mother tells me "oh I got pregnant on the first try with your brother" it makes me feel like there might be something wrong with me. Anyways, we will try again this month, waiting for my CBFM to indicate High and peak fertility which is supposed to happen around Thursday of this week. I don't usually post on threads but am feeling like getting support through this journey is really important for me.

Best,

NEG
 
Hello,

I have been reading through all of your touching posts, all of which are incredibly helpful, comforting and hopeful, so thank you for posting all that you have.

My partner and I have been TTC our first since the end of November 2013. I had my copper coil removed on the 26th of November. I felt different this month however I have discovered today this was just wishful thinking as my period arrived this morning during my yoga class.

Please don't think me rude or uninformed, I am aware that trying to conceive can take time, and hopefully I have lots of this but I cannot help but feel devastated at the arrival of my period this month.

I have been very tearful this morning coming to terms with the fact that this month is not my month, and I feel engulfed in the feeling that my body is failing.

I would like to ask you all for your advise on how to reduce the pain of hoping to be pregnant and having a treasured baby, and coming to terms with not being able to achieve that goal?

So many say that noone is aware of what one person is going through unless they are facing or have faced similar torment. How do you remain positive? I really wish not to face this pain again next month.

Thank you for all of your help.

Shininglight x
Hi Shininglight!

I am in the same boat as you. My husband and I have been TTC since December 2013. I too know this is really not so long but I feel like it is completely consuming me. I too have been so dissapointed the past few months after that two week wait to find out I am not pregnant. It is literally so emotionally draining. I try to make myself feel better by telling myself that I am being irrational and impatient but it is so hard to make myself feel better. My husband feels like TTC is private so I can't even really talk to anyone about it and I am pretty sure he is sick of me being so devastated each month when it has not really been that long. I have been using the CBFM for two months and I can't help but think, if I timed sex correctly and I ovulate then why and I am getting pregnant?? I can't wrap my mind around this. I guess I just have this fear that the dissapointment I have felt the past few months with continue on and it scares me. To top it off, my two best friends are trying to get pregnant now too, one of them who already has a child. I know this is horrible but I feel nervous finding out that one of them is pregnant because it will make me feel even worse. I know most of my problem is that I am being a control freak but when my mother tells me "oh I got pregnant on the first try with your brother" it makes me feel like there might be something wrong with me. Anyways, we will try again this month, waiting for my CBFM to indicate High and peak fertility which is supposed to happen around Thursday of this week. I don't usually post on threads but am feeling like getting support through this journey is really important for me.

Best,

NEG

Ladies! I feel the same! I don't really have anyone to talk to either because we are not telling anyone that we are tying! I also bought the CBFM this month and have done it for 2 days.... No flashing smiley yet, just a clear circle. Hopefully it flashes by Thursday!

We have been officially trying since November 2013 as well. Last month was the first time I cried. :( I hope the monitor will help out with timing!

Keep me posted!
 
The OH and I have been TTC since Nov. 2013 as well. And I know in the grand world of TTC that isn't very long, but I was so hopefully that it would happen in the first couple months I can't help but get a little depressed when AF shows.

I don't really have anyone to talk to in my life either. Which is why this board has been a GOD SEND!! I honestly don't know if I could be so strong without everyone here.

It is starting to get a little draining, and I'm starting to wonder if we are even capable of conceiving. Although if you do enough research and look at the stats, it's pretty common that it can take a healthy couple 6 months to a year.

I don't really think I can say anything that will cheer you up. But know you are not alone in your feelings!
 
I need to stop reading so much information!!! I keep thinking maybe I have endometriosis or DH has a problem with his sperm.... Even though I have no reason to believe either of those things. It is still really hard to not think them! I just really think our timing has been off.
 
Hi ladies, we've only been TTC since January but I can really relate... I'm so worried that my close friends are going to announce a pregnancy, I won't be able to cope, I know it. It happened last year with other friends before we could even start trying but whilst happy for them, I was so upset for me. I'm worried something is wrong and I wish I had the whole ignorance is bliss thing going on as I feel life would be easier! That being said I am remaining really positive and keeping that mental attitude focused on the prize!

Shininglight that's what I find hard: we timed bd to ovulation (using OPKs) and we used preseed. We don't drink anymore we have never smoked, we eat super foods and no meat! I mean, what's not connecting!? The wondering can drive you mental.

I know it'll happen! Soon too!
 
Hi ladies, we've only been TTC since January but I can really relate... I'm so worried that my close friends are going to announce a pregnancy, I won't be able to cope, I know it. It happened last year with other friends before we could even start trying but whilst happy for them, I was so upset for me. I'm worried something is wrong and I wish I had the whole ignorance is bliss thing going on as I feel life would be easier! That being said I am remaining really positive and keeping that mental attitude focused on the prize!

Shininglight that's what I find hard: we timed bd to ovulation (using OPKs) and we used preseed. We don't drink anymore we have never smoked, we eat super foods and no meat! I mean, what's not connecting!? The wondering can drive you mental.

I know it'll happen! Soon too!

Since we've started TTC I've noticed multiple pregnancy announcements on FB and at work!! It's like I can't get away from it.

My friends announced they are pregnant in November, our fist month trying. They were NTNP, basically just having unprotected sex...and they are pregnant with TWINS!

I'm so happy for them...but I'm not going to lie, it was a dagger in the heart. They already have one DS.
 
Hi ladies, we've only been TTC since January but I can really relate... I'm so worried that my close friends are going to announce a pregnancy, I won't be able to cope, I know it. It happened last year with other friends before we could even start trying but whilst happy for them, I was so upset for me. I'm worried something is wrong and I wish I had the whole ignorance is bliss thing going on as I feel life would be easier! That being said I am remaining really positive and keeping that mental attitude focused on the prize!

Shininglight that's what I find hard: we timed bd to ovulation (using OPKs) and we used preseed. We don't drink anymore we have never smoked, we eat super foods and no meat! I mean, what's not connecting!? The wondering can drive you mental.

I know it'll happen! Soon too!

Since we've started TTC I've noticed multiple pregnancy announcements on FB and at work!! It's like I can't get away from it.

My friends announced they are pregnant in November, our fist month trying. They were NTNP, basically just having unprotected sex...and they are pregnant with TWINS!

I'm so happy for them...but I'm not going to lie, it was a dagger in the heart. They already have one DS.

Oh gosh, twins and NTNP! That's some amazing luck right there. I'm jealous and I don't even know them. Haha!
 
Thank you all for responding to my post with your kind words and understanding. Sites like these are a blessing when you're feeling alone in this whirl wind of TTC, and knowing there is the support there from ladies like yourselves feeling all that you feel shows that all the thoughts I'm having are completely normal and not irrational. Thank you so much for helping to place my mind at ease. Please know you're not alone in this! We are all feeling this heartache, and I hope each one of you receives the positive you deserve in the coming months!

You tend to spend so much of your life trying to prevent pregnancy, and then when the time comes when you're able to take care, and love a baby with everything you are it seems to become the most difficult thing in the world.

I too am facing multiple friends, and family members who are announcing pregnancies or had babies, and similar to if any of you guys got pregnant all I would ever wish is that mum and baby are healthy and happy for all of eternity.

Having said this something I cannot help, and I wish I could, the feeling of my heart breaking each time I hold my partners 3 month old nephew is destroying me. Each month that my period arrives is a painful reminder that not only am I not pregnant but now I get to face the standard pains, aches and mood swings of a general monthly menstrual cycle. *rubbing salt into the wound*

My partner does not seem to understand that at this current stage (towards the end of the TWW) it hurts me to be around our friends and family who are pregnant, and have beautiful children when we cannot have a precious baby of our own.

I will be using an ovulation predictor kit this month. Tuesdays baby, I understand exactly where you're coming from, myself and my partner have never really drank, and have stopped altogether since summer last year. I have been taking the appropriate vitamins, eating well, I took up yoga, I decreased/distressed my workload. I feel like I'm doing everything by the book, and nothing....

I also need to stop reading up on things trumpetbeth, it's not helping us in the long run really, not at this stage anyway. When we feel like reading up on 'TTC' we should make a pact that instead we do something we love. Read a book, do a little online retail therapy, go for a walk, baking.

Beachyfeelin, I totally understand. The dagger in the heart is without a doubt the way to explain the feeling. Twins is incredible. They are so lucky! I found myself whilst in the car yesterday thinking to myself, I would go through all the morning sickness in the world, the back ache, the mood swings, the actual pain of labour itself to hold our baby in my arms. Lets hope this month is the month for all of us!

Please let me know how you get on, as will I. I wish nothing but a BFP, and healthy pregnancies for you all! x
 
Hello,

I have been reading through all of your touching posts, all of which are incredibly helpful, comforting and hopeful, so thank you for posting all that you have.

My partner and I have been TTC our first since the end of November 2013. I had my copper coil removed on the 26th of November. I felt different this month however I have discovered today this was just wishful thinking as my period arrived this morning during my yoga class.

Please don't think me rude or uninformed, I am aware that trying to conceive can take time, and hopefully I have lots of this but I cannot help but feel devastated at the arrival of my period this month.

I have been very tearful this morning coming to terms with the fact that this month is not my month, and I feel engulfed in the feeling that my body is failing.

I would like to ask you all for your advise on how to reduce the pain of hoping to be pregnant and having a treasured baby, and coming to terms with not being able to achieve that goal?

So many say that noone is aware of what one person is going through unless they are facing or have faced similar torment. How do you remain positive? I really wish not to face this pain again next month.

Thank you for all of your help.

Shininglight x

Hi Shininglight,

We are in the same boat. We have been trying since Dec 2013, and our TTC is also kind of private other than my sister knowing about it. I also got my period yesterday morning and that too it was late(which was making me hopeful that this was my cycle) - it made me cry yesterday and yes I have made my DH kind of sick too, and I too have other friends who are already pregnant right now and it does make me feel happy for them at the same time I don't know why it makes me kind of feel miserable that why am I not able to do it.

Everywhere I read they suggest that if we are relaxed and positive then its easier to conceive.Here is one of the inspirational post

coping-with-getting-your-period-while-ttc : Need to write it this way as the forum says I cannot post a link because I am new and have not made 10-posts so far.

Hope it helps, and :dust: to all
 
I could a relate a lot to what you all wrote, *hugs*.

I have been TTC #1 since June and each month it hurts so much when AF arrives, or like this month when AF is late but getting a :bfn:

x
 
I can definitely relate, too. I went off the pill in September 2013 and still not pregnant. Some months I'm disappointed but I take it in stride, other months like this one, my period feels like a slap in the face.

Going on Facebook is hard because I see so many pregnancy posts, often times from women who didn't even want a baby yet. It hurts.

So I understand what you feel. We all feel this way when our bodies are not doing what they were designed to do.

I do believe we will have our BFP someday. Keep the faith. Good luck.
 
I got a solid smiley face today on my CBFM... My husband is out of town til tomorrow night!! Boo!! So, looks like I spent 50$ to have bad timing again!!

I will confirm it in a few days with a temp shift. I am so sad right now!
 
Wow, I'm so glad that I'm not alone! I can pretty much relate to each and every one of you. My DH and I have been trying since December 2013 and I seriously feel like I'm going out of my mind. I have close friends that have taken YEARS to get pregnant, so I feel ridiculous being this emotionally drained so early in the process. I just can't seem to find anything to distract myself and not being able to tell anyone is killing me.

I feel like we have always been warned "It only takes once" and now that we're actually ready for it and it isn't working, it's extremely disappointing. I found an article that I think someone tried to link to: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/pregnancy/conception/taking-life-by-the-ovaries!/when-ttc-takes-over/ and it actually made me feel a little better and a little less crazy!

Good luck ladies, fingers crossed that this is our month!
 
Wow, I'm so glad that I'm not alone! I can pretty much relate to each and every one of you. My DH and I have been trying since December 2013 and I seriously feel like I'm going out of my mind. I have close friends that have taken YEARS to get pregnant, so I feel ridiculous being this emotionally drained so early in the process. I just can't seem to find anything to distract myself and not being able to tell anyone is killing me.

I feel like we have always been warned "It only takes once" and now that we're actually ready for it and it isn't working, it's extremely disappointing. I found an article that I think someone tried to link to: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/pregnancy/conception/taking-life-by-the-ovaries!/when-ttc-takes-over/ and it actually made me feel a little better and a little less crazy!

Good luck ladies, fingers crossed that this is our month!

I hear you! I cannot find anything to distract me from TTC! I function normally but internally I'm all about the baby...
 
Ladies.. I'm sharing my story .. copying and pasting it from another forum so you may see it else where, sorry it's way to long to retype lol

Hey ladies! I wanted to share my clomid story because a lot of these forums are out dated and when I was TTC I was always hopeful with the outdated posts but always wanted a current one... This may get long so sorry in advanced !!

Just a little history my husband and I are both healthy young adults now 24 and 25. I battle with being underweight, I'm a very small person. Due to this I have never been able to hold a proper cycle. I started birth control at age 16 and took it until I was 22 and seriously only took a pill late only a hand full of times (I married my high school sweetheart, we were so afraid to get pregnant when we were little).

Anyway, once I got off the pill at 22 I never got my period on my own. So after three months (I read online to search medical help after 90 days of no period after birth control) I went to a new OBGYN. She pretty much told me my hormones were just adjusting and I could either wait it out or take some progesterone pills and that should kick start my cycle. She did warn me it could take a few tries to get it going. So, my husband and I decided we wanted to start a family and I started progesterone.

So in Nov. of 2011 I took the pill for ten days and then a few days later I should of started... didn't. We would wait until what we discussed was cycle day 31 and I called back to let her know nothing. She would then give me the pills again and we would restart. I did this for three months and nothing.

My OBGYN called me into her office so we could talk about the next step. Again, she still said she really thought it was because my hormones were all out of wack because of being on birth control for so long and during puberty. *Side note: In fact, she told me MOST doctors require a six month to a year break after 3 years of being on birth control if you started taking it as a young teenager.* So she said I could keep trying progesterone pills and eventually my cycle would kick into place or I could do a few other tests. She did my BMI which was extremely low (I'm 5ft 3in and I was only 98lbs on a full stomach). She said that my BMI could be playing a huge role in not getting a period. So she suggested gaining weight (which by the way I was already trying to do). She also suggested a CT or MRI of my pituitary gland to make sure it was working properly and there were no tumors which would cause me not to have balanced hormones. And finally she said lastly we could be a HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) BUT she would save that for very last because she didn't think anything was blocking my ovaries since I lacked pain and there are risks for infections, scarring, etc.

Well, I myself have been doing research on the case and I told her I would really like to try Clomid. She explained the risks, first off to much use has shown to have an increased risk for cervical cancer (which was scary for me because literally every female [grandma, all my blood related aunts, cousins both whom were older and around my age] have all either had cervical cancer cancer or had cancer cells which resulted into removing part of the cervix. She also explained the increased risk for multiples which lead to an increase risk of miscarriages, premature birth, and other pregnancy and baby health problems. Then she explained the horrible side effects. After she went through everything my husband and I decided I would try clomid. Even though I knew it could take several times to figure out my dose and possibly not even work.. So before we started she did a ton of blood work to see where I was with all my hormones so we could see if it was working (I can give you all my numbers if you're interested.. they were VERY low).

The first month (Feb of 2012) I did progesterone for 10 days, then five days later on cycle days 15-19 I took 50mg of clomid. I ate a very well balanced diet and on cycle day 21 I had to get blood work done to see my progesterone levels. They didn't go up and I didn't get a period. Second month I did the same thing but this time 100mg of clomid. Nothing. The third month I did the same thing but this time 150mg of clomid. On my blood work it jumped way up to 144!! But I NEVER started a period. My levels actually dropped down to below what my progesterone levels were prior to starting clomid. So tried it again.. my levels were so close to ovulation numbers but then I never started. We did this until July... nothing.

My doctor called me back to tell me she honestly believes now that I have PCOS and need to see a specialist to get pregnant. She said she could no longer help me but I was not responding to either progesterone or clomid... wow I couldn't believe it. I was in such shock and pain I couldn't stop crying on the phone. First off, being told at 22 that you have to see a specialist was beyond scary.. especially since I knew I could NEVER afford it.. which means I could never have kids. All our savings for our what we thought was going to be our soon to be baby would go towards treatments that may fail..

Oh and another side note.. we had sex EVERY OTHER DAY! We would stop on cycle day 21 because at that point I was already getting blood work which showed I had already ovulated so there was no point... And then afterward, I would lay on my back with my knees to my chest for almost an hour (some studies show it helps others show it makes no difference, so if it didn't hurt I was doing it!)

So I begged my doctor to do an HSG. She said she would do it once last time with another round of clomid... So middle of August 2012 I went in and had an HSG done... of course there was no blockage and everything was normal. So I ate a well balanced diet and I took my progesterone and then my 150 mg of clomid and... I OVULATED!! My doctor called and said my numbers showed ovulation.. but then cycle day 28 came and no period and a pregnancy test showed BFN .. I waited and waiting and on cylce day 33 I started! Now, of course I wanted to be pregnant but I was BEYOND excited to get a cycle! So my doctor agreed to go ahead and keep taking clomid since the flush worked.. but I only had five months of it because of the risks with clomid I could not take it any longer than a year.

So the next month (Sept).. same thing. I ovulated and got a period but not until cycle day 34.. So even though I was taking clomid as directed my cycles were long. So again, not pregnant she advised me to take clomid on cycle day 14-18. So Oct. 2012 I did so and my levels dropped dramatically, I did got a period (which again was at cycle day 33) but barely ovulated. So in November I went back to taking it on cycle days 15-19 and again, as before got a period on cycle day 33.

So Dec. of 2012 we realized this was going to be our last month of clomid and then it was time to take a break from it and try another medication or just take a break from trying for while. The side effects of clomid for me personally were horrible with the hot flashes, mood swings, and night sweats. Then having sex every other night for a year sounds great.. unless it's planned and then it gets very tiring hah.. So I did everything the same except before after my bloodwork (cycle day 21) we decided to keep trying every other day until my period came..

On Sunday Jan 5th 2013 I was on day 28 of my cycle... I took a test.. BFN :( I cried and cried and cried.. I always cried after not getting good blood work or failing a test.. but this time I really cried. I was very very upset. My worse fear came true..

So I gave up. But my husband still wanted to keep trying. He kept telling me we would have kids and everything would work out.. even if we adopted. He was so positive ladies, I can't even begin to explain. I didn't get into the emotional and very stressful journey of my story because it is simply way to much to write in a forum.. Just know I understand what you're going through and many others do too..

So anyway............. Wed. Jan 9th, 2013 I woke up feeling like I had a sinus infection. So I went back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later feeling even worse! So I went to grab some over the counter sinus Tylenol meds and right before I took it I thought... Jeez, what IF I was pregnant and tested to early? This could really hurt a baby.. I better just check one last time..

So as I sat on the toilet lid trying not to watch as only one line appeared on the test and feeling helpless I played with my cell phone. After three minutes I took a deep breath knowing it would be negative and.. IT WAS POSITIVE! I immediately started shaking uncontrollably and blinked over and over and even rubbed my eyes like a cartoon character to see if I was really seeing what I thought I was seeing.. and yes I finally got my BFP!!! I ran into our bedroom and woke my husband and he said "I told you!" :D

I got bloodwork done a week later and results showed I was barely pregnant.. I literally found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks. I had a healthy pregnancy (I gave birth on 41 weeks) but I did spot the entire time (which is a whole other story and scary in itself). I had a healthy baby girl who is now four and a half months old. I have never felt so lucky in my whole life.

Now I breastfeed so I do not have a cylce.. I am hopeful that I will once I stop but it will be a while before I know.

So, sorry for the book ladies but I wanted to share my journey. Because like I said before, when I was going through this I could not find any updated sources that were helpful.

So, it took me a year to have my sweet pea, and it may take a while to for you too. However DO NOT GIVE UP!!! Nothing is impossible! I wish you all the best of luck and baby dust. Oh, and once last piece of advice keep a well balanced diet, try every other day with knees up, try until your cycle comes (because even if your blood work says you already ovulated I'm proof that it can be off a few days), keep positive and try not to stress out (that will only make it harder), and finally don't be afraid to be firm with your doctor if you feel you need a different way of treatment. If I wouldn't have pushed for an HSG I may not have been given the chance to get pregnant.

One last side note... Most people who don't ovulate do so after an HSG and even more get pregnant within six months after getting a flush. So keep that in mind and talk with your doctor about it. It is painful and scary but it is beyond worth it.
 
Hi ladies, I am in a very similar situation also. We have been trying to conceive since oct 2013 and although it's not a very long time I'm also finding it hard and upsetting. I came off birth control and my cycles are a mess. The first was 7 weeks exactly and the second 9 weeks exactly. I am on my third now and not sure when I will ovulate. We are also getting married next year so I know if it doesn't happen soon we will have to leave it until after the wedding, something I don't wanna do.
 
TTC is so stressful!! I had a loss in 2010, got pregnant after 1 month of trying then it took a year to have my daughter. We tried again last year got pregnant 2nd month but ended in loss so trying again now.

Basically it can take a varied amount of time.

This is really annoying and I struggle with this but the key is to 'not think about it'. Ha ha, as if we ever stop doing that! But I think try to distract yourself with other things in life, ditch the OPKs they only add more stress. You only need to know the week you are fertile and have regular sex.

Good luck
 
I've been ready to start TTC since November 2011 but DH wasn't on board. Finally in Sept 2013 he got on board and we started TTC. We weren't trying too hard, just using the MyDays app and BD a couple times around the peak fertility days.

Come Jan 2014 I decided to buy a FR Ovulation Tests (sorry I don't know all the abbreviations yet). Turns out I ovulate on a different day than we thought. So we made sure to BD on the correct days. We also started using PreSeed.

I was getting hopeful during that TWW because I had cramping around implantation time, so sleepy, sore breasts, vivid dreams. I took about 5 tests being way too hopeful and never positive. AF arrived 5 days late and was horrific cramps and much heavier/longer than normal. When I went to the doctor she said it was probably an early pregnancy but it's a good sign that I do ovulate and things sounded like they were working.

Onto this time around. Feb... during this TWW I told myself no testing nonstop and no going online to research everything. But these symptoms were even more hard to ignore!! Twinges, pulling on one side, tired, breasts got bigger and sore, exhausted, backache, diarrhea, nausea, body aches like I had the flu, implantation bleeding at 6 dpo (it was pink, not bright red), I overall was convinced I was pregnant. But yesterday I tested and BFN and then later AF came by to ruin my day. I went home crying and my husband said it's too early to be this upset, I need to learn patience and that when we have a baby I need that patience, blah blah. I was crying so much and just mad. He finally told me when I get upset like that it makes him feel more pressure and like it's his fault. Here I feel like it's my fault!

I feel like it's my fault because 1. Did I actually have 2 early pregnancies? and if so why didn't they "stick"? Is something wrong with me? Or 2. Am I just that insane to make up these symptoms and feel them because I want it so badly!?!?

It's really hard :/ Back in November 2011 I had told my close group of girlfriends how I wanted to start but he wasn't ready. They were all pretty supportive, etc but they already had kids and didn't really get it. Since then 4/5 of them have had a baby! All last year. I try to be happy and positive but I'm sick of it and then them SnapChatting me pictures of their newborns while they know I'm trying over here.

Every day there is someone new posting on Facebook that they are pregnant, or their pregnancy charts, sonograms, etc. It's driving me mad.

Sorry this was a long rant. It just helps to know I'm not alone. I don't really have many people to talk to about this either. I only talk to 2 of my friends about it and I'm sure they are sick of hearing it because they don't understand. The one doesn't ever want kids and the other has accidentally gotten pregnant 2 times.
 

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monitoring_string = "c48fb0faa520c8dfff8c4deab485d3d2"
<-- Admiral -->