Trying too hard???

[lisa1014]

Do people ever tell you that you are trying too hard and that's why you haven't conceived yet? How about- You'll get pregnant when the time is right...

I'm getting irritated with these suggestions but they may be true. Have you known of people who are more carefree about TTC who soon become pregnant? Should I quit charting and reading up on stuff all the time? I just tested and I'm about 14-16 dpo. AF should have come yesterday. Came up with a bfn. A little let down and discouraged. Thoughts?

 

[suzan]

I read that stress doesn't interfere with TTC, which makes it a myth. But if we think with our brain, doesn't stress ruin our AF dates? It does.

I went once to see my doc before TTC, and he told me and explained how our brain affects conceiving, and it does make sense.
I stopped charting my CM, and testing for ovulation, bec they did make me stress and irretable. I went to TTC the natural way and it happened that month.

Quitting charting, and other TTC obsessions can reduce ur stress. Try it, what if it works for you? It did for me.

When my doc gives us the green light to TTC again after our second miscarriage, I wont charge anything, neither test for ovulation, but maybe will check only my fertile week so that I know when baby dancing should happen the most. If u wana know where to calculate it, check it here https://www.babycenter.com/ovulation-calculator and there are other websites, google them.

Good luck!

 

[HAYS]

yeh i was talking about this last night,people always say stop thinking about it let it just happen, how can u no think about it when your trying????winds me up

 

[FJL]

It REALLY pisses me off when people say things like 'just relax' 'you're trying too hard' 'its not meant to be' funny how these comments fly from peoples mouths that have conceived right away.

They don't know what its like or what they're talking about, so just ignore them or tell them that it is a proven fact that stress plays no part in conceiving!

You do hear of people saying that once they forgot about TTC, they got pregnant...but i'm a firm believer that stress plays no part!

 

[lisa1014]

Thanks ladies, you all truly ARE a great support team. I do get irritated with people about these comments because they obviously haven't walked in my shoes, so they shouldn't say things like that. It stresses me out even more! I know they mean well, but....

 

[avistar]

I have heard things like that before. Everyone I know having children right now didn't really plan it and perhaps there is something to that....There is really no right or wrong way I believe. It is informative to watch your body closely and you learn so much. I was officially not TTC since around March without protection and nothing! Even before then, we just thought, if it happens it happens. Now we are at a point in our lives where we are really ready and welcome it! It took my mom 2 years each with conceiving my sister and I...so perhaps for some people, it just TAKES FOR-EV-ER! And irregular periods don't help! I hope I didn't inherit that!! Best of luck to you and whatever method you decide.

 

[Mojo]

i agree with you all! also if i talk about to someone and then they say i am stressing out and should stop thinking about. firstly i am not stressing out, i was simply talking normally and secondly HOW CAN I POSSIBLY NOT THINK ABOUT IT!! at least we all understand each other

 

[ColtonsMom]

It would sort of make sense. I wasn't trying when I got pregnant, I was more so trying not too..

 

[faith_may]

This is the first moth I TTC but I know I would never like to hear that I'm trying to hard and that I will get pregnant when the time is right, if somebody tells me that, I would say to that person that she or he, doesn't know what I'm going through every month when I see that the pregnancy test is negative again, so she or he should think 2 times before talking about something she or he doesn't know nothing about.

 

[justme00]

I have been off b/c for over two years and haven't even had a slight pregnancy scare. So for those who say they get pregnant the minute they stop thinking about it I'm not so sure that works for everyone. I think for some of us it actually takes a hard effort of charting and actively planning to get the timing right!

 

[Tiffers]

it is not possible to forget about a dream so the ladies that say to not think about it whether they are trying to help or not obviously have never wanted something so much that there is always the thought in the back of ur mind. It just takes longer for some...but good things come to them that wait. But this will make us appreciate it even that much more!

 

[Arcanegirl]

Ive had workmates tell me this, even worse when one of them took a long time to concieve so youd think they understand!
It has got me thinking "what if" though. But weve taken months off, i had months where i didnt even know where i was in my cycle and still nothing!

I dont think were trying to hard, theres plenty we can do to try harder.

 

[jo27]

I don't know part of me does think that sometimes but i agree it's really frustrating when people come out with comments like that. My aunty was trying for 2 years about to go for IVF then conceived naturally she believes its because she didn't think it was possible for her to conceive naturally and because she had stopped stressing about it happened, who knows!!??

 

[HAYS]

the one i always get is 'your young you have plenty of time'

grrrr !!!! makes me so angry

 

[lisa1014]

the one i always get is 'your young you have plenty of time'

grrrr !!!! makes me so angry

I hear ya girl! I'm 23 so people say this to me ALL THE TIME!

 

[tinytoes]

i believe stress can have a huge impact on the body so i would imagine it would affect ttc. however, i was thinking of baby all the time, is this the month?? Whats that twinge?? How will I feel if it isnt this month?? etc-- and i got a bfp.

...maybe it will happen when it's the right time....I kind of believe in fate - like the one sperm and the one egg that made my little bean were mean to be those ones, so I get the one particular child that was destined to be mine. If it had happend a month early it would have been an entirely different child...and i am meant to meet this one... but I am very possibly spouting a load of nonsense!!

... you've got to be trying a bit, to have the right ingredients for a baby!! So keep on trying I say, but just try being patient, even if that is hard.

 

[TrixieLox]

Annoys me too - I am ready NOW, it will not come 'naturally' hence the use of the word 'trying' in the trying to conceive' bit. Grrrrr!

However, there is a lot to be said for the whole 'chill out and it'll come' approach. Mainly the fact that stress has been linked to infertility, and stress is caused by obsessing too much about the whole TTC thang. See:

https://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6252608.stm
https://www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/suspectingaproblem/stressaffectexpert/

 

[Arcanegirl]

Best one i heard the other night that really got to me was the hospital wont help me because of my age.
Yea that really makes me feel better, thanks!

 

[Tam]

 

[Tiffet]

It is so nice to read this thread! I have been getting so annoyed with all those comments too! "You are trying too hard". "Just let it happen". "Stop thinking about it and it will happen". "Stop stressing about it". "Your time will come". "Just have sex all the time and it will happen". I've decided that I'm not going to talk about it anymore. I can't stand to hear the same response over and over. I do have a few fabulous friends/family who say just the right thing to make me feel good. For them I am grateful! Just to hear, "I hope this is the month for you", is really all I need to hear. I thank all of the supportive and fabulous women out there. xoxoxo