TTC #1 over age 35 after a loss?

[pbl_ge]

Hi All,

Not sure if this thread is best started in this forum or in the TTC after a loss forum, but I'm going to try here and see how it goes.

Full disclosure: I'm not QUITE 35 yet. Turning 35 in exactly 18 days, though, and I've been reading the stats for those over 35 for months, anyway. Most forums, even the TTCAL one, are dominated by such young little things that I'd prefer to stay away. I don't think a loss is the same at age 35(ish) as it is when you're 25, anyway. (When I was crying in the doctor's office during my recent m/c, the NP told me, "Don't worry, you're so young! Time is on your side!" I told her my age, she looked shocked, and scurried away without providing further encouragement. Sigh.)

Anyway, I just got my first BFP (been TTC since May) in August, and then had an early miscarriage around 5+5. I started bleeding again today, which I think means it's CD1 of my first normal cycle, but we'll have to wait to find out. I'm trying to gear up for TTC again, although I'm petrified both of getting a BFP again, and of not getting another one. Would love to talk to some other ladies who are in the same boat.

Anyone?

 

[PositiveUs]

I am sorry for your loss. Maybe you could find more help at the TTC After a Loss site on here.
Take care.

 

[AngelNoelle]

So sorry for your loss. I understand how scary it is to start again right away, I did it too. You want that baby so badly, but after the trauma you've suffered you're terrified to go through it again, especially so soon. Don't be discouraged, I read that the rate of mc after a previous mc is actually less then if you've never had a mc at all! I saw that a few different places, wish I could remember where, but it's been a year now.

Silly NP! She meant well, but...

I'm 35, 36 next month and had a loss a year ago. There are a lot of women on the TTC after a loss board that are our age so don't be discouraged to visit there. We have been through it and will be able to offer you support and hope.

Best of luck to you, I'm crossing my fingers that you'll get your BFP before the end of the year!

 

[Taurus8484]

Im 38 and had 3 losses now in the last 6 months. The last one, I started bleeding 4 days late so definately a chemical. I now have a fear of dread when I see a positive test instead of excitement. I hate that that has been taken away from me.

 

[AngelNoelle]

Oh Taurus, I'm so sorry for your losses.

Ladies that keep trying after a loss, or multiple losses are the strongest and bravest women I know. I want to take a moment to give us all we deserve it and heaven knows we need it.

Here's to the future and getting our sticky BFPs at "Over 35"!!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for all of us that we'll get it before the New Year.

 

[anorak]

I know what you are going through. I suffered a loss in Feb, and was so fed up I went back on the evil Cerazette. I am off that now and TTC again. 3DPO as we speak and feeling pretty rubbish. We will get our

 

[pbl_ge]

Thanks, ladies. Taurus, I'm so sorry to hear you've gone through this three times! Has your doctor followed up to determine if there's an underlying problem?

I too am trying to stay optimistic for another quick, stickier BFP. As others have said, even those with multiple m/cs almost always have a healthy pregnancy within a year or two. Just gotta stay strong!!!

and sticky to all of us.

 

[Taurus8484]

Thanks, ladies. Taurus, I'm so sorry to hear you've gone through this three times! Has your doctor followed up to determine if there's an underlying problem?

I too am trying to stay optimistic for another quick, stickier BFP. As others have said, even those with multiple m/cs almost always have a healthy pregnancy within a year or two. Just gotta stay strong!!!

and sticky to all of us.

Currently undergoing all the RPL testing at the moment. Have appointment tomorrow afternoon to get results. Little nervous to be honest. I want there to be a problem so that we can say, yeah there is a problem and this is how we fix it but I dont want there to be a problem.......hope that makes sense

Plus this month I have all but written off because of my ridiculous looking temps this month..... not sure what is going on.

Yes, Im sure we will all have our take home babies soon.......good luck everyone

 

[LuckyW]

I now have a fear of dread when I see a positive test instead of excitement. I hate that that has been taken away from me.

That's sad! I'm so sorry for your losses, and for your apprehensions.

I think my loss earlier this year just sort of taught me the 2WW is only the beginning of many more uncertainties to come.

The rate of first tri miscarriages for women 40+ is pretty high (40%), but of course no one likes to think it's going to happen to them. Or, maybe I should say, knowing the stats beforehand didn't prevent the surprise or disappointment I faced with my miscarriage.

I'm in a 2WW now and just hoping that if it's not going to happen, the HPT will be negative right away. The mate and I have decided we will try through the end of this year, so it feels like there just isn't time for another 8 wk pregnancy + d&c + cycle break + next attempt.

 

[Taurus8484]

I now have a fear of dread when I see a positive test instead of excitement. I hate that that has been taken away from me.

That's sad! I'm so sorry for your losses, and for your apprehensions.

I think my loss earlier this year just sort of taught me the 2WW is only the beginning of many more uncertainties to come.

The rate of first tri miscarriages for women 40+ is pretty high (40%), but of course no one likes to think it's going to happen to them. Or, maybe I should say, knowing the stats beforehand didn't prevent the surprise or disappointment I faced with my miscarriage.

I'm in a 2WW now and just hoping that if it's not going to happen, the HPT will be negative right away. The mate and I have decided we will try through the end of this year, so it feels like there just isn't time for another 8 wk pregnancy + d&c + cycle break + next attempt.

Sorry for your loss.......its heartbreaking isnt it. And I understand the time thing. I wish I was 10 years younger so I could have a couple months NT to get my mind emotionally and body ready again but feel I cant because Im running out of time now.

I never thought when I started this journey that I would be where I am now. I felt broken mentally after the chemical, wishing I never seen it positive and that it was negative. I actually broke down and cried when I seen the second line, and not because I was happy. I thought here we go again. The last 6 months have been horrible. Caught my hubby crying after the chemical and he is a real manly man. First time I have seen him cry. And I hated myself and my body for letting my husband down, again!! This TTC is not exciting like it was when we first started. Seeing all my friends pregnant hurts.

Just have to try and stay positive that one day, we get our take home baby too.

 

[beth5555]

My situation is very similar to yours... I just turned 36 and am ttc my first. We started trying in early spring and after 4 months was thrilled to get a bfp...However, ended in mmc at 9 weeks :< Had a D&C in July, got AF back in August and just finished my first cycle ttc which ended w/ a BFN :< (well, got AF yesterday). So now I am CD2 of second cycle ttc...Gosh I don't know how we all keep going month after month, I was in tears yesterday when AF came, just want to be pregnant again! Part of me wishes dh and I had started trying earlier b/c I REALLY feel like the clock is ticking now..but yet, I need to RELAX in order to maximize my chances of conceiving, ugh :>

 

[Rose38]

Wishing you the best of luck. Sorry for you loss.

If it makes you feel any better about your age, I am 38, so just turned 35 you are just a baby LOL i think we hear the words "over 35 " so much regarding fertility but it is just a number. I think you will be fine next time.

I am TTC and at 38 still trying to be hopeful. Loss at 15 weeks then D and C and having some weird cycles so I am just hoping that the D and C has done no damage and that the D and C hasnt' done damage to my ovaries regarding the shock etc and put me into perimenopause. I have just had a 20 day cycle which I have never had in my life and I have PCOS so if anything cycles are 30 or 33 or 35. So I am a bit worried.

Wishing you the best of luck and I am sure things will be fine next time for you.

 

[AngelNoelle]

Taurus hunny! Your husbands tears weren't just for the lost baby, but for him hating that you had to go through it. He loves you and this is just not something that he can fix and for manly men that is about their only weakness. Please don't feel bad about yourself. Love yourself and your body and be gentle to you emotionally! It would break your DH's heart if he thought you believed he was upset with you.

I know it's so easy to blame ourselves and believe that the rest of the world does too, but we cannot allow ourselves to go there. Our poor bodies and minds have been through too much to treat ourselves with anything less than love and tenderness.

Taurus, take a moment alone. Close your eyes and picture yourself as two seperate people. One your body and one your mind. Have your mind give your body a big hug and tell your body that you're sorry it went through that trauma, and you know it had no way of preventing it. Tell your body that you love it and that you believe in it's ability to carry a healthy baby to term. Take a few deep breaths and open your eyes.

This is an exercise my therapist taught me to deal with past emotional trauma and it helped me heal in a big way. Practice this once a day so it sticks in your mind. You gotta love yourself, mind and body. You are a worthy person and you deserve love, understanding and your BFP!

 

[Taurus8484]

Taurus hunny! Your husbands tears weren't just for the lost baby, but for him hating that you had to go through it. He loves you and this is just not something that he can fix and for manly men that is about their only weakness. Please don't feel bad about yourself. Love yourself and your body and be gentle to you emotionally! It would break your DH's heart if he thought you believed he was upset with you.

I know it's so easy to blame ourselves and believe that the rest of the world does too, but we cannot allow ourselves to go there. Our poor bodies and minds have been through too much to treat ourselves with anything less than love and tenderness.

Taurus, take a moment alone. Close your eyes and picture yourself as two seperate people. One your body and one your mind. Have your mind give your body a big hug and tell your body that you're sorry it went through that trauma, and you know it had no way of preventing it. Tell your body that you love it and that you believe in it's ability to carry a healthy baby to term. Take a few deep breaths and open your eyes.

This is an exercise my therapist taught me to deal with past emotional trauma and it helped me heal in a big way. Practice this once a day so it sticks in your mind. You gotta love yourself, mind and body. You are a worthy person and you deserve love, understanding and your BFP!

Thanks luv xxx Your kind words made me a little teary

Just having a bad day yesterday.....have them every now and then. Im going stay positive!!!!

 

[pbl_ge]

It IS hard to stay positive! Especially when most of this whole TTC thing is a stupid waiting game! Wait to O, wait to see if there's a BFP, wait to see if it will stick, wait to see how long the m/c will last, wait to see when the cycles will normalize so that you can try again. Lots of time for bad days and nervous fretting!

...And of course, if all goes well, then you have to wait nine long months for the wee one!

Isn't all this fun!