TTC #2 and Back Here Again...

[kategirl]

Hi all,

I used to be active here when I was TTC my daughter and I had an early MC. This forum was such a great source of support and well, I'm back again unfortunately....

We've been TTC for five cycles now, and this past cycle (#5) I was a day late so tested on Friday and got a BFP. However, AF came on Sunday morning when I got up. My symptoms had already been really strong, and the bleeding has been very heavy, so I know my body was really gearing up to be pregnant again, but it wasn't to be. I would have been due in April...

I knew it might happen, but I feel a bit shell shocked since I didn't expect it a second time (I figured the first time was just bad luck). I'm trying not to be depressed like I was last time, but it's hard. It's already taken us a while (I know, it can take a lot longer, I know) and I was starting to get stressed out, especially since several others we know are now pregnant with #2 after having a baby with us the first time around.

I just want to be pregnant again. I'm scared it will take a lot longer. I know I have nothing to complain about since it was so early, but I'm still really sad. I'm also scared it will keep happening. Ugh, I don't even know how to really express how I feel about this.

 

[Pusscat]

Hi. I'm in a similar position. TTC #2 and got BFP this time last week. However I started bleeding on Sunday and it's just like AF so I know it's gone. I had lots of symptoms but they've all disappeared. I was only 5 weeks pregnant so it was really early. I'm hopeful it was a one off and we'll be pregnant again soon but you can't help worrying it's going to happen again.

Are you going to try this cycle or have a break? I want to get straight on with it!

 

[kategirl]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss Pusscut - I hope we both get sticky BFPs soon!

I'm going to try right away. AF was technically only three days late, so while I am having a lot more clots than a normal AF, I figure it's pretty much like a normal AF. When I MC last time a week later than I was now the OB said I could try again that month as long as I got a negative HPT before I tried to rule out any complications (I'm going to take one tomorrow morning).

I think we're going to try SMEP this month, I've heard people say it helps a bit. If nothing else, hopefully it will make me feel more positive, like I'm actually "doing" something.

 

[kategirl]

And about fearing it's going to happen again - I think if I am able to get a BFP again we're not going to tell anyone (including parents) until we get the ultrasound. I'll also do my best not to get excited or start planning, but I know that's probably a lost cause.

 

[Pusscat]

Same here, AF only really 3 days late. So yeah, hope our bodies return to normal and we get our ov at the normal time this cycle. I've ordered some HPTs and think I'll test on Thursday to check it's negative. I don't know much about SMEP. Will you be temping and using OPKs? I use FF and had only been temping but think I might try OPKs this time as well. Tracking my cycle using temping has definitely made me feel more in control of TTC.

 

[Pusscat]

And about fearing it's going to happen again - I think if I am able to get a BFP again we're not going to tell anyone (including parents) until we get the ultrasound. I'll also do my best not to get excited or start planning, but I know that's probably a lost cause.

Will you get an early ultrasound?

 

[kategirl]

I'll use OPK's again, but no temping (I find it too hard with the toddler waking me up sometimes in the early morning, and I get up early for work).

I won't get an early ultrasound, just the one at 8 weeks to check for heartbeat.

 

[Pusscat]

Agreed, temping is hard with a toddler. Last cycle DD was going through a stage of waking in the early hours and coming into bed with us so temping was hard! And probably not that accurate. Touch wood she's stopped that now so might be easier.

In the UK you don't get a scan until 12 weeks, which is a really long time to wait!

 

[kategirl]

Waiting until 12 weeks woud be so hard! Even waiting for 8 weeks was really hard on me last time.

 

[whitglass]

Hi girls! I'm in the same boat. So sorry for your losses. I know how you feel..I got a BFP on 14dpo, AF came 5 days later so I was at 4w5days. I got pregnant with my 2.5 year old DS without having a loss before, so I assumed a baby was coming in 9 months when I got that BFP. Gutted when I started really bleeding, but kept hope thinking some women just bleed when they're pregnant. So I tested, and it was a very very faint positive, so I knew. What's strange is I never had a good feeling about this one for some reason, I think because when I tested at 14dpo it wasn't a super strong line, and then my FMU 15dpo line was the same.

In any case I'm starting again this month, but am just confused as to when I might ovulate, like you were mentioning. Hoping my body jumps back to normal! I'll be doing SMEP this month, I did it last month with my BFP. Also used softcups which worked with my DS and this last pregnancy.

FX for all of us!

 

[kategirl]

whitglass, I'm going to try SMEP this month, too! I've never done it before, but I did similar when TTC #1 (we BD'd every night or every other night for the whole ferti window). I also used Softcups when TTC #1. I haven't used them yet this time, but I'm going to starting this month. I so desperately want to get pregnant again now since we've been waiting a while, it's time to pull out some more things to try!

 

[Pusscat]

Hi whitglass, sorry for your loss. It's such a shock to have this happen when your last pregnancy happened without any losses. We got pregnant first cycle trying last time round so of course I was the same, thinking I had the same 9 months ahead of me. Then the bleeding started

As for OV, I'm really just hoping this bleed is like AF and therefore OV will follow as normal. But I've ordered some OPKs today which I'm hoping will help pinpoint OV.

 

[kategirl]

With my last loss (which was our first month TTC - that was really a shock when it ended! ), I OV'd right on track as if it were a normal cycle according to OPKs. I think it's because I lost it at 5 and a half weeks (still so early). I'm not to that point yet (still bleeding) with this one, but I'm going to assume it will be the same. I just can't wait for Sunday to come, that's when we should be able to start SMEP!

I hope we all get our stickies in the next cycle or two! Fx!

(Though, secretly, I have a feeling it will be next spring or summer before my next BFP. I'm not sure why I feel that way, and I sure hope I'm wrong!)

 

[whitglass]

Thanks girls! There's something about opks that make me a little more stressed out, probably because of the testing. I will look out for the signs around day 13-16, which is in about 8 days from now since I'm counting the first day of bleed as CD1. My ovulation signs are pretty strong, lots of twinges and pressure and always a lot of EWCM. I'll be looking out for that soon - just waiting for the bleeding to stop! I'm on day 5 of it now, and what's weird is yesterday it was brown and tapering off, and now it's bright red and heavy again. Daily and hourly reminder of what happened, which is super annoying.

Kategirl - looks like your loss was one day after mine, so we may be on the same track for O. If our bodies get back to work like normal

Pusscat - when are you due to O?

 

[Pusscat]

That gives us hope kategirl! Keep thinking positive. We will get it to stick this time round!

whitglass - that's great that you have so many signs of ov. I hardly get any ewcm so opks will really help. I can see that they might just add in an extra level of stress but fingers crossed it will just be for one cycle.

My bleeding has stopped now I think. It was very light and brown yesterday so hoping that's it. Hope yours stops soon. It's not a nice reminder is it. FF says I'm due to ov on the 26th. So I've got quite a wait. ..

 

[kategirl]

Yaya, my bleeding was still quite heavy until yesterday evening, but now it's slowed a bit (still red, but quite light). I'm really hoping it will stop in time for us to start SMEP on Sunday!

 

[whitglass]

We're starting SMEP tonight- feels good to be productive! Not sure when I'm going to O this month though, so we may be DTD every other day for awhile - which is fine with me. And DH for sure! How's everyone?

 

[kategirl]

We started SMEP last night. I'm doubltful about this months, but for some reason I have really high hopes about September. I hope I don't end up disappointed when it takes longer than that!

 

[kategirl]

Ugh, I just feel so depressed and hopeless about all of this today. I feel like it's going to take us another 5 cycles to get a BFP again, and then I don't even know if it will stick (so far I've only had a 1/3 success rate for BFPs). I know we're trying harder now than we were initially (we were trying, but didn't always BD exactly when we should have), but I was already getting to a point where it was driving me nuts not to have gotten a BFP, and then I did and MC'd...

Ugh, I just hate the waiting. As much as I usually hate the TWW, I think I'd like it better than now since at least then I might have a little hope. Right now I just feel like there's no hope that this will happen in the near future. I need to shake off this feeling.

 

[Pusscat]

Good luck with SMEP ladies I wish I could be doing something more productive too. The waiting is getting me down as well. I know what you mean about preferring the 2ww. At least then you can day dream about what might be happening and symptom spot to pass the time. With this wait it's just pure waiting for ov which might not even happen this cycle

I'm still getting very light brown AF and really hoping that doesn't push back ov even further.