TTC#2 with a child with serious health issues

[Cara x]

Hey ladies! Also posted this in TTC discussion groups but I'm wondering if this is a better place for it?

I have been desperate for #2 since Oliver was about 1 year. When he was 3.5 he was diagnosed with a heart condition and I think that is half the reason we waited so long to ttc #2.

I was an only child and hated it, I don't want him to be one and he keeps asking for a sibling. I am more desperate than ever to have another baby and I get so upset every cycle that goes by without a BFP.

But in spite of all that, I sometimes wonder if we are being selfish for trying to bring another child into the family just now. We don't know for sure if Oliver's condition is hereditary or not (although it's unlikely), and I think of all the time and attention he needs and I worry if that's unfair on another child. He needs monitored regularly and A&E is a common occurrence for us, and everything moves quite fast and frighteningly when it happens. So #2 may end up being left with grandparents or, worst case scenario, having to come to hospital and watch it all.

Just wondering if anyone else TTC#2+ shares these worries, or if any mummies have experience of having another after a child with serious health issues?

 

[alibaba24]

Iv not been in this position but first daughter had IUGR And although it was a worry if it would happen again you just have to keep faith. My second daughter was born 10 days late and a very healthy 8lb 4oz. so far developmentally shes doing brilliant unlike her big sis who has some struggles.

in your situation I would say not to worry your child is desperate for a sibling too and it will give him someone to share his special journey with. I think if anything it would bring the both of them closer together . Im sure everyone has different opinions but there is always enough time and love for another child you just make it as parents always adapt to their situation. all the best x

 

[southernbound]

Hi Cara We're in similar situations. My son was born with a liver issue that also has us in the emergency room quickly at times and, like you mentioned, its HIGHLY unlikely that it's hereditary but it makes us nervous.

We're working on #2 and the way we figure it, kids are flexible and as long as they have great childcare (like grandparents) during those times they'll be happy as larks and they'll probably grow up accepting that their brother's condition is apart of life and be better people because of it.

I know that when I worked at a learning center, many of our special needs kids were only children, and occasionally they would confide in us that mommy and daddy didn't have any more babies because of them and they felt horribly guilty and like burdens. Most of our kids with siblings were pretty well rounded though and the families always seemed stable. I wouldn't feel guilty just my two cents though. I hope you get your BFP soon!

 

[lusterleaf]

I posted something similar a while back. My son doesn't have a physical issue but has ASD. I read that if your first had ASD then your second has a higher chance statistically of having it too. Despite this DH and I knew that we wanted more than one child and still TTC... I am 20 weeks pregnant now...my parents didn't really have positive things to say (I was afraid to tell my own mother about my pregnancy based on how I knew she was going to react) but I am sure once the new baby is here they will change their mind. Yes it will be a lot of work to raise a special needs child along with a newborn but other people have done it and I have heard others say that the sibling was such a special gift for the older child as well.

 

[Cara x]

Thanks ladies, you've made me feel a lot better.

We are very lucky in that Oliver is very able mentally and physically so he's not extra 'work' in that way, he's just extra 'worry' if you know what I mean. We have to monitor his heart rate regularly and keep a close eye on how he looks and acts, and he has his heart rate monitored at least once a day in school. But most of the time he's a normal kid, and we try in every other respect to treat him like one, so I guess there's no harm in him having a sibling like other kids.

Thanks ladies