Anyone else not telling people you're trying? I have only told my best friend. People are constantly asking when we are gonna try and keep saying we need to soon so there isn't a huge age gap between the next one and DS. blah bla bla. I just don't wanna deal with having to tell people "no" every month, if it takes awhile, when they ask if I am pregnant so it is just easier to tell people we don't know when we are gonna start trying.
Ttc a secret?
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dinosaur2010
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I don't broadcast it either- only told my mum with dd1 and didn't tell anyone with dd2.
This time I've casually mentioned to a few friends but just kind if saying we are 'seeing what happens'
For me it's a personal journey between me and DH
This time I've casually mentioned to a few friends but just kind if saying we are 'seeing what happens'
For me it's a personal journey between me and DH
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I am religious so I just tell people that it'll happen when God says it can happen...
Well that works! 😊
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Me too. Only my DB and I know. I don't want all the questions that come with it, plus when it does happen I want it to be a BIG surprise,which it will!
I know exactly what you mean. I told too many people and regret it. It's become an awkward subject that I know my friends don't want to ask about. Lately I've just been saying "When the universe is ready I'll be pregnant" stuff like that. My mother-in-law is the worst. I just told her the other day "When God decides it's time we'll be pregnant" - what I really wanted to say is "Please shut the f up" 
I know exactly what you mean. I told too many people and regret it. It's become an awkward subject that I know my friends don't want to ask about. Lately I've just been saying "When the universe is ready I'll be pregnant" stuff like that. My mother-in-law is the worst. I just told her the other day "When God decides it's time we'll be pregnant" - what I really wanted to say is "Please shut the f up"
Hahahaha. Seriously! We didn't tell anyone last time either and it was a HUGE shock to everyone. This time I think people are kind of expecting we are gonna start trying soon.
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I didn't tell anyone with DS as we were going through fertility testing and treatment. This time I have been a little more open with my best friend and mom. I have needed the support and advise along the way.
the_rhodora
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Nope! Most of our friends are already trying for their second so you can imagine the constant questions and pressure. 
When they ask whether we are trying we just vaguely answer yes a baby is in our plan. It's tempting to let all my girl friends know that I am trying because they've all become mommies already and they can share their experiences with me, but on the other hand they've all had seemingly easy pregnancies and I don't know if I can deal it when they pop our their second babies when I'm still stuck with TTC#1. For sake of keeping friendships, I'll keep quiet. 
When they ask whether we are trying we just vaguely answer yes a baby is in our plan. It's tempting to let all my girl friends know that I am trying because they've all become mommies already and they can share their experiences with me, but on the other hand they've all had seemingly easy pregnancies and I don't know if I can deal it when they pop our their second babies when I'm still stuck with TTC#1. For sake of keeping friendships, I'll keep quiet. We've told a few people, I think it's a shame that generally people aren't open about ttcing and fertility issues, neither are anything to be ashamed of and I expect there is more of it out there than any of us realise.
I don't think people in the general sense are being mean when they ask about babies, just probably nosey and don't realise that their question might be quite hurtful. I'd have no issues with saying to someone who asked us.... 'we'd love a baby and have been working on it for a while but nature seems to be working against us. I'm sure you meant no harm but your question is a reminder that it's not happening for us and is a bit hurtful'.
I'm pretty sure something like that would stop people just blurting questions out!
I don't think people in the general sense are being mean when they ask about babies, just probably nosey and don't realise that their question might be quite hurtful. I'd have no issues with saying to someone who asked us.... 'we'd love a baby and have been working on it for a while but nature seems to be working against us. I'm sure you meant no harm but your question is a reminder that it's not happening for us and is a bit hurtful'.
I'm pretty sure something like that would stop people just blurting questions out!
Well another reason we want to keep it a secret is for the surprise factor. If nobody thinks we are trying it will be that much more of a surprise when it does happen. Nobody was expecting it when I became pregnant with DS so the look of surprise and shock on family and friend's faces when we told them was priceless. I am all about surprises, another reason we didn't find out the sex the first time and plan not to when I get pregnant again. 😊
jules87
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We didn't tell anyone we were ttc either. Now 3.5 years later, they all know that we are in it for the long haul so they don't ask questions. We don't tell anyone if we are going on a different treatment or anything. Less stress for us that way.
Aayla
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We are TTC #1 and I don't ovulate without pills. We have been going to the doc for 5 years now and I have had other issues that kept us from really trying until last year. I was open about all of it. I posted everything on facebook what I was going through. everything the doc said. I thought maybe someone else in my world is going through this and doesn't know or needs advice. I was surprised at how many people I knew had fertility issues, did IVF and struggled just like me. It was great. BUT..
There is no surprise factor. I always wanted to be able to tell people in one of those quirky ways you see online. I love watching pregnancy announcement videos on youtube. I won't really get that because of how open I have been. I have recently deleted my facebook account (for other reasons) so the majority won't know until I give my family the go ahead to announce it.
Also being so open was frustrating when it came to the un-asked-for advice I got. Or the constant "don't stress and it will happen." That for me was the worst, especially since I have made it clear I do not have stress induced infertility. I have, likely, never ovulated in my life. I could be a Yogi and still not get pregnant without the help of meds.
But I still loved being open with it all. I plan on announcing right away too. yes, it would be hard to re-announce a mc or cp but I know then that I wouldn't be alone in my sadness. I would have the support of so many people.
There is no surprise factor. I always wanted to be able to tell people in one of those quirky ways you see online. I love watching pregnancy announcement videos on youtube. I won't really get that because of how open I have been. I have recently deleted my facebook account (for other reasons) so the majority won't know until I give my family the go ahead to announce it.
Also being so open was frustrating when it came to the un-asked-for advice I got. Or the constant "don't stress and it will happen." That for me was the worst, especially since I have made it clear I do not have stress induced infertility. I have, likely, never ovulated in my life. I could be a Yogi and still not get pregnant without the help of meds.
But I still loved being open with it all. I plan on announcing right away too. yes, it would be hard to re-announce a mc or cp but I know then that I wouldn't be alone in my sadness. I would have the support of so many people.
Angel5000
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We've told a few people, and sometimes I wish we hadn't. My friends are great, but my family is on top of us. My mom has even asked me why I haven't gone to a doctor yet to get checked out, because "I should have gotten pregnant already". I stopped bc in February but we've only really been TRYING the last two months, the previous cycles were trying to get my body regular and figuring out what was going on with my body after a LOOOONG time on bc.
Since my parents know, it seems like my ENTIRE family knows as we were just at a family reunion last weekend (and which also happened to be my ovulation weekend). I jokingly told my sister I'd have to slip away to take care of business and she told my mom, and next thing I know my aunts are giving me fertility advice. We are a very very open family and so talking about sex and babies and fertility isn't an issue - it's more like I'm tired of my mom asking WHEN it will happen and hinting that maybe something is wrong when it hasn't. Then they are all "well maybe you shouldn't put so much effort in, tracking temps and taking OPKs is too much - you are stressing out and that'll cause problems" I'm not stressed about it, all that stuff is just because I don't know my body or my cycle and it's still changing from the bc. And I like data - I'm a math teacher - I LOVE to gather data and watch the graph change.... I'm a total nerd. The data part is fun for me.
*sigh*
That was a huge rant, sorry!!!!
Short answer: I wish I hadn't told anyone. But I was too tired of hearing "don't you think you guys should start having kids soon? You're 30!"
Since my parents know, it seems like my ENTIRE family knows as we were just at a family reunion last weekend (and which also happened to be my ovulation weekend). I jokingly told my sister I'd have to slip away to take care of business and she told my mom, and next thing I know my aunts are giving me fertility advice. We are a very very open family and so talking about sex and babies and fertility isn't an issue - it's more like I'm tired of my mom asking WHEN it will happen and hinting that maybe something is wrong when it hasn't. Then they are all "well maybe you shouldn't put so much effort in, tracking temps and taking OPKs is too much - you are stressing out and that'll cause problems" I'm not stressed about it, all that stuff is just because I don't know my body or my cycle and it's still changing from the bc. And I like data - I'm a math teacher - I LOVE to gather data and watch the graph change.... I'm a total nerd. The data part is fun for me.
*sigh*
That was a huge rant, sorry!!!!
Short answer: I wish I hadn't told anyone. But I was too tired of hearing "don't you think you guys should start having kids soon? You're 30!"
We've told a few people, and sometimes I wish we hadn't. My friends are great, but my family is on top of us. My mom has even asked me why I haven't gone to a doctor yet to get checked out, because "I should have gotten pregnant already". I stopped bc in February but we've only really been TRYING the last two months, the previous cycles were trying to get my body regular and figuring out what was going on with my body after a LOOOONG time on bc.
Since my parents know, it seems like my ENTIRE family knows as we were just at a family reunion last weekend (and which also happened to be my ovulation weekend). I jokingly told my sister I'd have to slip away to take care of business and she told my mom, and next thing I know my aunts are giving me fertility advice. We are a very very open family and so talking about sex and babies and fertility isn't an issue - it's more like I'm tired of my mom asking WHEN it will happen and hinting that maybe something is wrong when it hasn't. Then they are all "well maybe you shouldn't put so much effort in, tracking temps and taking OPKs is too much - you are stressing out and that'll cause problems" I'm not stressed about it, all that stuff is just because I don't know my body or my cycle and it's still changing from the bc. And I like data - I'm a math teacher - I LOVE to gather data and watch the graph change.... I'm a total nerd. The data part is fun for me.
*sigh*
That was a huge rant, sorry!!!!
Short answer: I wish I hadn't told anyone. But I was too tired of hearing "don't you think you guys should start having kids soon? You're 30!"
Ahhhh what a pain! I know what ya mean, either people are bugging you about when you're going to try or bugging you why you aren't pregnant yet!
