TTC after a MMC

[susan_1981]

I just found out today that I have had a missed miscarriage. I thought I was 12 weeks but found out the baby hadn't developed beyond 7 weeks. I'm obviously upset but not too bad as I didn't feel like I ever connected with my baby. I don't know whether this was because subconsiously I knew or if it's just me but I just want to know is it true you are more fertile after a miscarriage? I need to go to the hospital tomorrow to arrange to have my pregnancy removed. The midwife said that they recommend you don't start trying again until after your first period. Well I'm obviously going to start as soon as the bleeding stops from the termination and I'm just wondering if I will be more fertile then as I've read of lots of women falling quite quickly after that and my sister in law went through the same thing and got pregnant pretty much straight afterwards.

I'm just trying to find comfort in the fact that I have a fantastic husband and family and that I have all the support I need. It's the thought of going through this all again that I'm finding hard.

 

[Rumpskin]

I just replied to your other thread but again, i am really sorry for your news.

I was advised after my 1st m/c to wait three months which for me personally suited me fine. I picked myself up and was ready to go. After my 2nd, they said to go for it after my first period came - it came back exactly 28 days to the start of my m/c.

Yes, you are right in thinking you are more fertile after a miscarriage.

If you are both ready mentally and physically, I would say go for it.

I know how you feeling in not feeling really attached to the pregnancy as this is how I felt in my last one. I knew in the back of my mind that this one was not going to make it.

Thinking of you xxx

 

[TheNewWife]

Hi Susan,

Our doctor told us to wait until after my first period, primarily for ease of dating the pregnancy as well as making sure we were emotionally ready. He also said that my body wouldn't get pregnant until it was ready, so no harm in trying right away if we wished. I didn't want to wait and we made the decision to TTC right away. I got pregnant that first month.

 

[susan_1981]

I hope and pray that I will be the same as you and I hope that next time, my pregnancy feels completely different. I never really "felt" pregnant if you know what I mean. My sore boobs and sicky feelings seemed to dissappear a few weeks ago but I thought it was just normal. It's so horrible. I've never been the most patient of people and now I'm just willing time to pass so I can get on with things.

 

[liliellesmum]

Hi, firstly sorry for your loss but i just wanted to give you a glimmer of hope in an awful situation, I miscarried in November and was devestated my doctor said it was fine to ttc straight away, but that if i got pregnant he would have to do a scan for dating purposes... anyways here's the good bit, its now been 33 days since the miscarriage and on day 29 i got yet another wonderful ! yes it is true you are more fertile after a miscarriage (and apparently you also have a higher chance of making twins!- scary! haha) By the way my doctor also says that if you get pregnant straight away the chance of miscarriage is no higher than if you had never miscarried at all.

 

[liliellesmum]

I know how you feeling in not feeling really attached to the pregnancy as this is how I felt in my last one. I knew in the back of my mind that this one was not going to make it.

Thinking of you xxx[/QUOTE]


Its true- I wouldn't let oh tell anyone as i just somehow knew something wasn't right, this time though -fingers crossed- I actually Feel pregnant!! I think mothers intuition says a lot.

 

[susan_1981]

Thank you so much for your support. Ad thanks liliellesmum, you have definitely made me feel a lot more optimistic. I know some ppl say you should wait for your body to recover from a miscarriage but I really don't think I can wait. It seemed to take forever to get to my 12 week scan but at least if/when I get pregnant again, I will hopefully have earlier scans which might set my mind at rest and hopefully this awful situation won't happen again.

What is upsetting so much is that I really did do everything I could for a healthy pregnancy. I gave up smoking and drinking as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Now I feel bad because the first thing I did after I had this news was stop at the off-licence and get a bottle of wine and some fags, which I have missed soooo much since getting my BFP but giving it up was obviously what I needed to do and I wouldn't have done it any other way. Tomorrow is another day and I will try and be good from then.

As for being more likely to have twins, that's a scary thought, especially as I'm a twin myself!

I have to say that I have always been quite a big drinker, not an alcoholic but I was always out and about with friends enjoying myself and I can't help but wonder if my body all of a sudden having to deal with withdrawing from the smoking and alcohol had a reaction on my pregnancy. I have a friend who also had a miscarriage and she was the same as me, as soon as she got her BFP, she gave up smoking and drinking straight away. This time, I'm going to still stay off of it (or at least limit it to a bare minimum) and then hopefully all will be ok next time.

At the moment, all I want is my husband. It's strange. I'm not a needy person but then I've never been through anything like this. I'd made the mistake of telling quite a lot of ppl I was pregnant, purely because I didn't want them to guess because I'd given up smoking and drinking but they have all been great. My sister was nearly in tears, as was my dad. My mum has been great. Everyone has been calling/texting me, which hasn't been so great because I just break down and cry. But I will get over this. I suppose I just want to be with my husband so much at the moment is because he is feeling the same as I am. I know everyone else is sympathising with me and, to an extent, feeling some of my pain but it's not the same for them.

Thanks girls. You are so supportive, I don't know what I'd do without you. When I first found out, I thought I wouldn't be able to come on here any more but I think as long as I stay out of the first trimester, I'll be fine.

 

[TheNewWife]

At the moment, all I want is my husband. It's strange. I'm not a needy person but then I've never been through anything like this. I'd made the mistake of telling quite a lot of ppl I was pregnant, purely because I didn't want them to guess because I'd given up smoking and drinking but they have all been great. My sister was nearly in tears, as was my dad. My mum has been great. Everyone has been calling/texting me, which hasn't been so great because I just break down and cry. But I will get over this. I suppose I just want to be with my husband so much at the moment is because he is feeling the same as I am. I know everyone else is sympathising with me and, to an extent, feeling some of my pain but it's not the same for them.

I felt the same way. My Mom wanted to come over straight away but I just wanted to be alone with my husband. I wanted to grieve privately first. Sounds like you are a very strong person. You will get through this.

 

[FEDup1981]

my friend had a mc, and after her bleeding stopped she started TTC again. She never had another period, and fell preg straight away. Ive heard that ur more fertile after a mc, so if this what feels right for you, then good luck hun! xx

Sorry again for ur loss

 

[moomoo]

Hey hun, i had a similar situ, was 11 weeks but baby measured 7..althoug i had already started bleeding a week before so knew something was up. I was the same in that i never truly felt pregnant. The only thing i will say is that i think you have made the right desision to have a d and c, because m/c naturally was the the most excruciatingly painful thing (both mentally and phisically)

hope it all goes well..pm if you need to xx

 

[Lyns]

Susan, I am so sorry to hear this - as you probably remember, I understand totally as I went through exactly the same only 2 weeks ago.

I found a solace in research...not about the miscarriage but in looking at my chances, possibilites and options for the future, and I was delighted to find that to be honest the doctors and midwives advise you wait for a fresh cycle, for dating purposes only. If I didn't wait and was lucky enough to fall straight away then I would need to be scanned to 'date' my pregnancy, which to be honest, I would welcome as an extra reassurance now.

I was devastated....still am really, but am optimistic and positive for the future and have been doing HPT's daily. it was sad to see then go back to negative, but at that point, we started trying again and I hope I am lucky enough to fall. This cycle will be luck only....as I have no idea when i will Ov (although i am now doing OPK's)...but fingers crossed. I feel sad but ready to be pregnant again....and am utterly determined this one will stick! I am 40 next year, so cautious about time, but my cycles were absolutely dead on regular, so I no my chances are good.

Reading between your lines sweetie, I can understand you are devastated too, and possibly slightly angry this happened to you, as I know I was, but I can detect a strength that will get you through this. I feel sure you will be rejoicing at another BFP soon.

I've still not ventured back into 1st tri, and even though we're trying again, I don't even head into TTC that much...I tend to message people direct and stick here or in journals...amongst friends who have shared similar journeys....comfort in our grief if you like but people here know how one another feel!

Huge hugs to you for your sadness so far, and luck to you for the future. I for one am always here if you need a proverbial shoulder to scribble or cry on! xxx

 

[susan_1981]

Thanks Lyns - and sorry for your loss. I didn't realise you had miscarried, although I had noticed you hadn't been in the 1st trimester for a while. I'm trying to remain hopeful as I know a lot of ppl say you risk miscarrying again if you get pregnant again quickly but out of the 3 ppl I know who have miscarried, all of them have gone on to get pregnant again very quickly and all without any problems. I have no intentions of giving up. It's just an awful feeling but I just feel a little grateful that I never really bonded with this pregnancy. I just didn't feel any different and I thought that today's scan would change that. Obviously not. I probably wasn't bonding with it because it wasn't there any more. I just want this out of me (I can't even put that into words - I don't like to keep calling my baby an "it" but I can't help it because I do feel upset and angry). Especially as on Monday I saw a young girl heavily pregnant out shopping and smoking. I know some people do struggle to give up (which I completely sympathise with) but to be blatantly smoking on the street when that heavily pregnant made me angry.

But I know I will get through this, it's just going to take time and Christmas time isn't a good time for this to happen (not that any time is a good time for it to happen), although maybe it will take my mind off of it having friends and family around x

 

[honey08]

hiya susan,ive also sent u a pm, cos like many i know only2well wot going for 12wk scan and finding out uv mmc, im terrified the same will happen with this pregnancy aswell,although i was lucky enough to get an 8wk scan,and saw HB,but stil i know im not outa the woods yet
i cant totally understand u feeling u need ur hubby with u, he will defo need u aswell hun,pls pls dont blame ur self, stopping the cigs and drink wont have caused this, it happens to so many that smoke or not hun
wishing u and lyns super strong asap xxxx

 

[LauraW]

I found out that I had miscarried when I was 14 weeks, and only because I had an ultrasound. My husband was great, but my mom was a bit much. I had my actual "miscarriage" the week the 3rd week in November, and started trying again as soon as I stopped bleeding. I have my period now, but I am having pregnancy symptoms like I did the first time. We shall see.

Here's to hoping, right?

 

[charliesmom]

Susan, I was reading your old posts and saw that you had a UTI in which they prescribed you antibiotics?? Well I'm asking because my first pregnancy ended in a missed m/c too, they found out at 12 week scan. The baby was dated 8 weeks. I had a UTI in the middle of that pregnancy too, and they gave me antibiotics. They assured me nothing of that sort would affect the baby... but this is just a very odd coincidence.

 

[eclipse]

Susan and Lyns, I'm sorry for your losses, I had a missed mc a few years ago. Similar situation. I actually waited a few months because of me, not because of anything else. But once I decided to go for it, I got pregnant almost immediately. So if you decide to wait, the fertility lasts for a bit it seems. I'm not the only one of my friends to find this out. And that second pregnancy was COMPLETELY different with the symptoms and everything, I knew everything was going right just by how different I felt. So I wish you the best of luck, and keep taking the vitamins now while you wait to heal. I'm really glad I did the D and C, it seemed to regulate everything for me and I still think it made it easier for my second pregnancy because everything was all fresh and new. Ok, I'm shutting up now

 

[susan_1981]

Susan, I was reading your old posts and saw that you had a UTI in which they prescribed you antibiotics?? Well I'm asking because my first pregnancy ended in a missed m/c too, they found out at 12 week scan. The baby was dated 8 weeks. I had a UTI in the middle of that pregnancy too, and they gave me antibiotics. They assured me nothing of that sort would affect the baby... but this is just a very odd coincidence.

Well I was really reluctant to take the antibiotics but did anyway and started these on Monday so I know this didn't cause the miscarriage. But when I saw the doctor today and told her which antibiotics I'd been prescribed, the look on her face said it all. She immediately asked me "When did you start taking these?". I obviously shouldn't have been prescribed them!

Also thanks everyone. I do feel a lot better about the future today. I'm hoping I will get pregnant again straight away and try and stay relaxed about it rather than obsessing. It'll happen when it happens. I remember when i came off the pill back in August, I wish I had done more research then about when I was most fertile because I had loads and loads of EWCM but didn't know it was a sign you are most fertile so I probably didn't BD then so I possibly missed my most fertile stage then (because I know ppl say that some ppl are more fertile when they come off the pill).