TTC after losing son at 21 weeks.....

[adge]

Hi all,

We lost our son in June of this year at 21 weeks after a healthy uneventful pregnancy. I went into sudden preterm labor with contractions about 3-5 mins apart for a good 16 hours. They stopped after being given a medication and progesterone. However, kicked back in after stopping for about 16 hours and my son was born in about 45 mins. After which I ended up being readmitted the following day because I was running a fever and needed iv antibiotics as I contracted an infection.

The problem is that there is no way to tell what happened first....did my cervix shorten on its own (I am on the fence about this one I had been having regular contractions for a good 12-14 hours when they measured it and it was still closed but very short at 0.9cm) and then caused labor? did I start contracting on my own first? did I have an infection that caused me to go into labor?....there are no clear answers.
Which of course leaves me paralyzed with fear for our next pregnancy. I have come up with a care plan with my OB that I guess is going to make me as comfortable as I will ever be.... this is what we are planning on doing.

-Early ultrasound to ensure dates are correct
-Progesterone (right now I just have a prescription for the transvaginal pills but my OB was going to look into the shots-I live in Canada and the shots are not normally given).
-Weekly ultrasounds to check cervical length weeks 16-28
-My OB didn't say this needed to happen but I am putting myself on bedrest around 18 weeks simply because its one thing I can control.

Any other suggestions?
I'm currently 6-7 DPO after our first cycle trying. I have been feeling nauseous the past few days (I think its too early for it to be due to pregnancy if I even am pregnant....). Took us 4-5 months last time to get pregnant....hoping it happens quickly this time.
Thanks in advance

 

[lilmisscaviar]

Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you had to endure all that I couldn't imagine losing a child that you carried so long. Hopefully the doctor will keep a better eye on things next time and things go more smoothly. The nausea you've been experiencing could be from conceiving... I know in the past when I conceived I just "knew" I was pregnant from symptoms I had during the tww... on the other hand your anxiety about becoming pregnant again probably isn't helping matters either. I wish you the best of luck and all the baby dust in the world!

 

[Rcp925]

Wow. Just wow. I'm sending you so much love and hugs. This sounds like one of the most difficult and heart wrenching things and I'm so sorry this happened to you.

As far as advice, I don't know if I have anything helpful to say. I think you're on the right track with the plan you've set with your OB. You will be a nervous wreck no matter what you do...I have faith your rainbow baby will come. I think you should do whatever you need to do to feel as comfortable as possible so you can get through to holding your happy and healthy baby-to-be. Best wishes to you!

 

[Squig34]

Hi there, I lost my son at 21 weeks in February. It was for a different reason than yours, but I just wanted to offer I totally understand your fear even though of course I sincerely hope for a healthy rainbow for you & want to wish you lots of luck for the future.

 

[tcinks]

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my little girl in July also at 21 weeks. I've been diagnosed with incompetent cervix. I had another loss last year at 13 weeks which they suspected could have been a preterm labor ir cervix issue, but since it was still an early loss that mostly brushed it off as bad luck.

Don't be nervous going into yout next pregnancy, but if you have questions or concerns or something doesn't feel right...talk to your doctor! Have a plan and try to ask as many questions as you can to make you feel more comfortable. With my next pregnancy, I'll also do progesterone shots and more ultrasounds to monitor my cervix. Hoping you get a rainbow soon!

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

I am very sorry for your loss.

I lost a son at nearly 18 weeks in almost the exact same way (preterm labour, thinning cervix, stopped labour, cervical stitch, water broke). It was written as incompetent cervix but pathology came back with signs of chronic Chorioamnionitis (infection of the membranes). No one was able to tell us the order of events.

I had exactly the same worries as well. I fell pregnant my 3rd cycle after our loss (#2 took us 3 years so that was a surprise). Your plan sounds like what we did, but I also saw a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist from 14-28 wks instead of a regular ob. I felt so safe when I was in that building and it was a huge relief to have such attentive care.

Also, we did the vag suppositories not the shots. I have done shots before, they ball up the muscle and bruise. Just my experience/preference but I'd take the suppositories (I took them 4x/day) over the shots. The constant needles are really hard emotionally and physically on top of raging hormones I'd be a total mess!

I also got a doppler. And was on pelvic rest, by choice, for the whole pregnancy as I was too paranoid about infection.

The pregnancy after our loss was relatively uneventful. I can elaborate if you'd like, but the most important thing is my daughter was born healthy. It was stressful but we made it.

 

[adge]

I am very sorry for your loss.

I lost a son at nearly 18 weeks in almost the exact same way (preterm labour, thinning cervix, stopped labour, cervical stitch, water broke). It was written as incompetent cervix but pathology came back with signs of chronic Chorioamnionitis (infection of the membranes). No one was able to tell us the order of events.

I had exactly the same worries as well. I fell pregnant my 3rd cycle after our loss (#2 took us 3 years so that was a surprise). Your plan sounds like what we did, but I also saw a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist from 14-28 wks instead of a regular ob. I felt so safe when I was in that building and it was a huge relief to have such attentive care.

Also, we did the vag suppositories not the shots. I have done shots before, they ball up the muscle and bruise. Just my experience/preference but I'd take the suppositories (I took them 4x/day) over the shots. The constant needles are really hard emotionally and physically on top of raging hormones I'd be a total mess!

I also got a doppler. And was on pelvic rest, by choice, for the whole pregnancy as I was too paranoid about infection.

The pregnancy after our loss was relatively uneventful. I can elaborate if you'd like, but the most important thing is my daughter was born healthy. It was stressful but we made it.

Thank you so much for sharing your story it gives me so much hope. I'm thinking about asking to be transferred to a mfm during that period of my pregnancy as well- might make me feel more at ease during what I'm sure will be the most stressful period of my pregnancy. My ob is very reasonable so I feel quite comfortable with her.
As for the progesterone I'll have to ask her about taking it more frequently the prescription I have right now is just two pills vaginally at bed time- it's prometrium so I don't know if it just because it's different or what. I live in Canada and the shots aren't used here regularly like it is in the states because I guess the states don't have the prometrium pill and it's not as effective? Do you remember what the actual prescription was that you had? Again thanks so much!

 

[adge]

Thanks for all your support and love I really appreciate it!!
I am not pregnant this month. In fact I got my period five whole days early!!! Which is so not like me my cycles have been quite regular after giving birth.....

I was extraordinarily anxious after ttc (like to the point that I was making myself physically ill) and I think that it messed with my hormones and made my period come early.
I have to calm down or this is never going to happen-we are headed to Hawaii on Tuesday over what would be my sons due date and I plan on doing a whole lot of self care so I can be in a better state of mind this month and hopefully better results

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

Thank you so much for sharing your story it gives me so much hope. I'm thinking about asking to be transferred to a mfm during that period of my pregnancy as well- might make me feel more at ease during what I'm sure will be the most stressful period of my pregnancy. My ob is very reasonable so I feel quite comfortable with her.
As for the progesterone I'll have to ask her about taking it more frequently the prescription I have right now is just two pills vaginally at bed time- it's prometrium so I don't know if it just because it's different or what. I live in Canada and the shots aren't used here regularly like it is in the states because I guess the states don't have the prometrium pill and it's not as effective? Do you remember what the actual prescription was that you had? Again thanks so much!

I'm in Toronto. I took pressed progesterone suppositories made by a (compounding) pharmacy. I took the shots during 2 of our ivf cycles. I was at the Mt Sinai mfm, there were long wait times but totally worth it.

Eta: after 28 weeks I was given the option to continue with the mfm or be released back to my ob. I opted to go back as he delivered my other babies and I was comfortable with him. They gave me the option of doing a cerclage as well but we felt weekly monitoring with cerclage as a back up was a better choice for us.