Happy Monday!
Holy crap 10 weeks Rachel! That's so far along lol! I am so excited to get further along, and for my bump
I am trying to take this pregnancy month by month (like a cycle, while spying on TTCers!
) so that time flies faster. Although that is a bit hard when every Sunday I am one week further along, and my bean does another amazing feat!
But it feels all too familiar to me, like I said, an exact repeat of last year. I remember being sick every morning in the fall. I remember it being cold and windy in the mornings, rolling down the windows for a freeze-out because my stomach was doing backflips. It is just so weird to me. I sit at home on my preggo apps watching as my bean sprouts fingers and loses a tail.. It's just all so fresh still. I don't want to sound unthankful but it just hurts sometimes. Having to go through this whole other year, waiting, praying, daydreaming of a little person I may get to keep forever. Should I let my heart go and love this bean will all I've got? Is it okay yet? I just have constant questions flowing though my mind, wondering what the results will be this time. We were in traffic this morning and had to slam on the breaks quite a few times, I just sobbed. I hate this feeling and I miss Jaxon. I hope he knows that this baby will never change my love for him, he is the one I will long to be with forever.
I am just feeling a bit scared and overwhelmed by having to wait 9 more months for my baby to keep. Lol I know that sounds silly, but I don't trust life. I just want to live on my couch so that nothing happens to me and my bean. This is going to be a long winter!
*On a positive note- Lastnight I splurged on a crapload of online maternity clothes (and scarf, jewelry, legwarmers, boots
) from New Look (free shipping to the U.S!
) https://www.newlook.com/shop/maternity/view-all-maternity_1920039?No=0&Nrpp=100
And also ordered DH a new hat for the Steeler's game, and a new bible. Now I'm set for vacation, think I may make a ticker for that now.. lol