TTC at 43

[Adele1969]

Hi everyone. This is the first time I've ever posted in a forum so please bear with me. I don't know the lingo either so this is going to be fun. Just looking for advice and someone else's thoughts really.

I'm 43 yrs old. My hubby is 44. We have 2 kids. Girl is almost 20 and boy is 17. Last year (2011) we had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks. Well that was when we found out. Baby hadn't developed after 7 weeks. The pregnancy was unplanned but we were all thrilled even the kids.

I had an ERPC end Sept and since then we haven't used any contraception. I was using ovulation sticks (the ones you pee on) until April this year and then became so disheartened with it all I just gave up trying and started having fun again (in bed obviously).

I'm wondering whether to have a mirena coil fitted or do nothing and take my chances & hope for the best. Then I'm thinking oh for gods sake you're 43 just forget it and get on with your life. Really unsure of what to do. Hubby would have 10 kids given the chance. I've read up on statistics of birth defects and my chances of becoming pregnant.

Would any of you (if there's anyone here as old as me) keep trying and hoping or should I forget the whole thing?? Opinions and advice would be hugely appreciated ))

 

[vintage67]

Welcome Adele. You have stumbled into the wrong place to post this. There is a special forum for women over 35 that are TTC.

That being said, I am 44 for today and today only! I will be 45 tomorrow. I had my baby boy in November and he will be eight months old next week.

We went through 3 miscarriages on the way to have him. Some older ladies have trouble getting the "positive" on the pee stick and for others, it's getting them to "hold" as the miscarriage rate is very high. It can be very devastating to keep trying. My last miscarriage was awful. Truly awful. It wa 12 weeks along. We decided to keep going only for a short while longer and that's when this pregnancy happened. It was a scary nine months, or rather 37 weeks. Yes, the statistics for birth defects can seem grim, the but the odds are still on your side.

There are several of us older ones floating about and we've all been through a lot; the grim statistics, the question of genetic testing and amnios, the "what the hell am I doing?"

For me, it has all been worth it, but I had to first address the fact that if it didn't happen that I would be okay. It can be a long and emotional journey that may or not yield the result you want. You have to ask yourself the hard questions about how you will deal with it if you can't conceive, and even face the challenge of asking yourself what you will do if you conceive a child and it is fact confirmed that there is a abnormality.

I wish you all the best.

 

[Adele1969]

Oh dear god I'm totally stupid Just trying to figure all this out. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. There is hope for me yet then. Delighted it has worked out for you in the end )

 

[tasha41]

Moved this to the TTC Over 35 section of the forum, hopefully you will get more responses here Welcome to the site!

By the way here is a link to a thread on some common abbreviations and terms
https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/forum-help-testing-area/730-babyandbump-lingo-abbreviations.html

 

[Miss Fosdyke]

Well I'm new too and totally sympathise.

Am also horrified with the poor statistics for pregnancy for someone my age. I am worried I will get all excited about a BFP (Big Fat Positive) only to miscarry. Maybe I'll never be pregnant at all.

 

[willowbrook]

Hi Adele and welcome, I am new to these forums too, so you're not alone! I am 44 but still trying to remain positive. I already have kids but would love just 1 more. It can be very disheartening at times, but I'm not ready to give up just yet, I just try not to let it take over my life...i know thats easier said than done!

 

[Adele1969]

Hi Adele and welcome, I am new to these forums too, so you're not alone! I am 44 but still trying to remain positive. I already have kids but would love just 1 more. It can be very disheartening at times, but I'm not ready to give up just yet, I just try not to let it take over my life...i know thats easier said than done!

God thats an understatement if ever I saw one lol. Was totally consumed by it all until the end of April this year. Am still hoping and wishing. I guess the reason I came in here was for some reassurance from other women of my age that I'm not completely bonkers....

I wish everyone the very best of luck and here's hoping that BFP's will soon be arriving for everyone

 

[willowbrook]

Good luck to you too Adele

 

[miaculpa]

I am also 43 and had a mc in Dec 2011 at 6 wks. I am currently on my first cycle of clomid/estradiol/progesterone. Baby dust to everyone!

 

[readyformore]

Hi Adele,

This is going to be a negative post, so I apologize for that in advance.


If I had know 2 years ago, what I would be going through now, I never would have started ttc. I started ttc at 33, and although I had primary infertility, I never thought I wouldn't get pregnant again. Now, it's 2 years later and the RE told me I have only a 5% chance of conception. It's so terribly heartbreaking to try so hard for something that I want so badly, and be told that basically it's not going to happen for me.

I really wish that I wouldn't have ever started to ttc. I was much happier prior to infertility. I think that I will look back in 5 years and regret ttc. It's just wasted emotion and I have many more other things to be thankful for and be happy about.

That being said, you could be much more fertile than I am and could conceive easily and have a healthy baby, but you just never know.

I wish someone had had the good sense to say, "Hey, you already have 3 kids and your fertility is crap, just move on and be happy."

Good luck with your decision.

 

[BabyBean14]

I'm 38 and about to start TTC. I don't *think* I'll look back with regrets, even if it doesn't work out. Yes, it will be an emotional ride, for sure, but I know I'd have even more regrets if I didn't try at all. I don't have any kids, and I hope it works out, of course.

If you are at all wondering if you want a baby, put off having a mirena coil fitted. It would be better to NTNP (Not Trying, Not Preventing) while you consider your options. Good luck!

 

[miaculpa]

I agree with Kismet on holding off on the Mirena.

I will go as far to say DON'T GET MIRENA. If you MUST get an IUD, do the non-hormonal paragard. After 35, those things increase stroke risk, especially for smokers.

You're only 35, you're *not* out of options. The original thread poster and I are 43... our endeavors look to be a lot less of a sure thing than yours. There are loads of stories out there with people having unexplained fertility issues in their 30s who go on later to have a couple natural pregnancies.

Yeah, this fertility business is depressing... I agree.