TTC but getting really denoralised

[pixie1305]

Hi, I'm new to this forum and just looking to speak to anyone who understands about it. My husband and I have been TTC for 19months now. Have been diagnosed with PCOS. My GP referred me to a fertility clinic after a year of trying. We were seen really quickly however due to my husbands work being sticky they won't allow him the time off to go and do his sperm sample. I feel like we're in limbo. To top it off I am now feeling quite nauseous a lot and have a sore pelvis and breasts but due to past disappointments I am scared to do a test. I don't think I can cope emotionally with another negative result. I know there are problably loads of people who have been in this situatuoon but I just feel.so lost and alone husband says it'll happen but I'm really starting to.think its not. Would really like to ve positive but I just can be anymore.
Sorry if this doesnt even make sense. Does anyone have any advise or anything?
Thanks
Pixie xx

 

[Briss]

sorry I cant offer you any advice I am in a similar situation and I do not remember last time I felt positive about anything. LTTTC is tough. I stopped testing a while ago, simply could not bear seeing yet another BFN, I patiently wait for AF to show up month after month hoping that it wont, have a little cry on CD 1 and then carry on with my routine OPK, CBFM, temping, vitamins etc etc making various changes hoping something will do the trick.

 

[pixie1305]

Thanks for replying. I braved another test this evening and was a big fat negative. My husband doesn't understand why I'm so upset. Feel like such a failure. The fertility clinic won't help until a) my husband .an get a sample in and b) until I loose weight.
Sorry your having difficulty also. Do you mind me asking have you been down the fertility clinic path? Just feel like they are being awkward and not sure if all clinics are like that.

 

[Briss]

I have been through the process staring with GP and then moving to a fertility clinic and have done bloods, scans, HSG, Lap&Dye/Hysteroscopy etc, I think I have done everything and to be honest I wish I have not because it did not really help me a bit but all those invasive procedures damaged my cycle (it got shorter) and who knows what else. I have been talking to FS for over a year now and it was quite obvious from the start that the problem was with my DH's low sperm count and yet they made me go through all these tests only to say in the end that we are not eligible for NHS funding for IVF because over the last year my FSH levels increased above the required standard. We are now at a point where my DH has to try to limit his beer intake and repeat sperm test to see if this can make any difference in which case we might be able to do IUI and if not then either we wait until my FSH level goes down or do IVF privately. I felt that it was a box ticking exercise for FS, she did not offer any advice whatsoever just made me go through the procedures to establish whether we qualify for funding, that's all she did.

 

[phrumkidost]

Pixie and Briss, I know exactly how you are feeling! I am almost 36 and have been ttc #1 for 12 months. My acupuncturist and those tracking my cycle this month are at a loss as to why I am not ovulating. I am heartbroken. Hubs is understanding to an extent but I can't help but feel so awful.

Lots of for you both. I can imagine how you feel.

 

[Briss]

phrumkidost, have you tried clomid? I think this is something that supposed to help with ovulation although I have not taken it myself.

Why does it have to be so hard and depressing, I always thought getting pregnant should be a joyful and happy time

 

[phrumkidost]

Briss, I have an appointment with my FS in two weeks. I'm praying that she finally decides to prescribe clomid for me. I've been doing vitex, EPO, and drinking soy milk, but so far no luck. Clomid seems like the next natural step, so fingers crossed.

Briss, since you ovulate, have you any idea why it's taking a while for you? I see you and I take a lot of the same stuff and I also gave up on testing. Too many BFNs.

I know exactly how you feel about this being hard and depressing. Sometimes it feels like an awful dream. If you were closer I'd offer to take you out for a glass of wine (though see you're a non-drinker)! Somehow this has to get better for all of us.

 

[Briss]

a glass of wine would be nice although I gave up alcohol and seriously cut down coffee (my favourite thing!) after I was told that my time is running out by FS, nice! they can be so insensitive. it was due to my high FSH, so I am trying to be as healthy as possible, even tried yoga but it did not stick with me. I have been taking lots of vitamins and supplements over the last 10-11 months and force feeding them to my DH. I noticed that EPO has a tendency to delay my ovulation which is a good thing for me cos it extends my otherwise short cycle. I am taking Chinese herbs and teas but only before O cos I am not at all sure how they work.

I blame it all on hubby's drinking beer excessively, cos his sperm count is going from low to super low which obviously does not help. If he could only quit beer for 6-8 months I am sure I would get pregnant right away.

I think you have a very good chance of getting pregnant as soon as they put you on clomid, probably once you get your first ovulation. fingers crossed this is going to do the trick for you.

 

[phrumkidost]

Thanks for the positive attitude, Briss! I so hope you are right. Also interesting to hear about the EPO delaying ovulation. I wonder if that's what's happening to me?

As for hubby's beer, I remember reading a post from another girl that she got pregnant the month her hubby stopped drinking! Maybe you could get him to stop for a month?

Those Docs can be so insensitive! I wonder if you both couldn't get new FSs who 1) can be more optimistic; and 2) start to treat you, Pixie, while your hubby is getting sorted out?

 

[pixie1305]

Briss and phrumkidost thanks for replying. I received a letter today from dd saying I had a high level adrenosterone. Never even heard of this. All the letter says if I have a high level it in my blood samples and is likely linked to my pcos and it will be discussed at next appointment. A bit more info would be nice.
I'm like you Briss trying to make myself as healthy as possible. I've cut.out alcohol, trying to eat healthy and dont drink coffee. However hubby still drinking and smoking and a small part of me blames him.
Phrumkidost, I am seriously considering asking for a rerefferal. I work in the nhs and would be disgusted if any of my patients were kept hanging in limbo like we all seem to be. I've only had the one dd appointment and it was the worst experience I've ever had. They did an internal ultrasound and the nurse said "oh you have no ovaries" at the time I heard it that I was devastated thinking that all hope was lost. But later I've come to realise that I much do as i have periods (just not frequently). Have either of you had a "good" fs appointment?
Xx

 

[adunny]

Hi Pixie,

Our stories sound pretty similar. I can relate wholeheartedly. My husband and I started trying 4 years ago. I have PCOS & was told I needed to lose weight before my doc would help me. I ended up losing weight & it made my periods basically normal in general but still didn't get pregnant. My DH has a SA done, he has poor motility & normalcy. I had an HGC, but my tubes are fine. Our next step is now I am on progesterone and waiting for AF..then I start my first run of Clomid on C5. I should be happy that we are getting help but can't help but get more and more depressed as I wait.

 

[jcr1988]

hey pixie,
Im right there with you on this one!! ttc for 15 months now, mild endo but tubes are clear, high fsh but other then that no reason im not pregnant! DH wont do SA, not sure why. he shrugs it off and wont say anything. I just wanna know if this can happen or im getting my hopes up.
Being 24 and having all my friends and family announcing babies right now is killing me!! the last 12hrs have been brutal, and hubby is no support in this. he says 'it'll happen when its ment to" and i cry and feel like a failure as a woman!
baby dust to you all!

 

[pixie1305]

Adunny I can totally understand where you are coming from. Until my husband does his SA the fertility clinic won't see me again. Feel completely lost. Can I ask how you best managed to lose the weight? I was following a diet plan by dietitian but I injured my neck a few months ago and being unable to.go.to gym and being on heavy duty pain killers its gone out the window. I'm desperately trying to get back on it but I just find myself picking during the day.
JCR1988 your situation is so similar. After another negative result at start of week I tried talking to husband about doing his SA but like yours he shrugged it off. What I don't understand is he's desperate for kids like me. He puts his hands on my stomach saying he can't wait until he can feel his child kick. I feel like such a failure. And I'm jealous of people when they first tell me they are pregnant which makes me feel like such a horrible person

 

[angel0685]

Hi all, I haven't been on here for a while. I got to the point where I have had enough. I am now 27 and been trying for over 4 years. Reading all of your posts has helped me remember again that I am not alone. I have been through Dr's and fertility clinics and nothing has ever changed. All my life I get told when your this age or if your this but when i get to that stage it is another story. I have tried Clomid, Metformin and Injections and still no better off than i was before i feel i am actually worse. I have very irregular periods got given contraceptives to regulate my cycles and try and relieve some of the pain i was always in and feel this is why i can't have a baby.i also got diagnosed with PCOS when i was 16. I was told then they wouldn't help me unless i was trying for a baby and now my NHS in Southampton will not offer 1 trial of IVF on the NHS because I am under 30... I really don't know what i can do now it is always 1 excuse after the other. We really can't afford to go private. I tried loosing weight and with all the different meds and the PCOS I am struggling with it again. My partner has twin girls from his previous marriage (conceived with clomid) they are 21 now and their mum took them to live abroad when they were 5 (he is 49) there is absolutely nothing wrong with him the fertility clinic used to praise him up all the time i always end up leaving crying. I feel useless as i can not give him what we both want. Can anyone please please help me. I am so sorry this is not good news just really need people who understand to talk to.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Much baby dust for you all.

 

[pixie1305]

Angel I really get where you are coming from. I also have extremely irregular periods due to pcos. They were so irregular at one point that I was referred to an endocrinologist as go thought I hah gone through premature menopause. At the time they diagnosed the pcos and like yourself was told I wouldn't get up until I was TTC. Well now I'm at that point bit as you can probably tell I feel like I'm getting no help.
Don't be sorry that its not good news. Part of the reason I join the forum was to not only get help.from other ladies like yourself but also to have the support that only a female who knows what its like .TTC can give
Send you some baby dust back but also a big hug cos I don't know about you but sometimes I just need a hug.
Xxx

 

[littlepeps]

I felt that it was a box ticking exercise for FS, she did not offer any advice whatsoever just made me go through the procedures to establish whether we qualify for funding, that's all she did.

I could agree more .. this is how I felt when I had my appointment ... It makes me mad with rage !!! .. I cant help but think about all the money that is thrown at alcoholics and crackheads and the NHS wouldnt even spent 25 quid on a box of metformin to help with my blood glucose levels because my BMI is at 34 !!! .. it just baffles me !!!!

I wasnt given any advice as to how I could loose weight .. never at any point was a low GI diet mentioned ... we had to push him to get a referral to see a dietitian .. its just a joke !!!!

 

[Briss]

same here, my DH has low sperm count so I asked FS to refer him to urologist to identify the reason and she refused! unbelievable, she did not mind taking me through HSG/lap&dye/Hysteroscopy all very expensive and in my case unnecessary procedures but something so simple and necessary as advice from a urologist was not on her list of things to tick

 

[pixie1305]

I wasnt given any advice as to how I could loose weight .. never at any point was a low GI diet mentioned ... we had to push him to get a referral to see a dietitian .. its just a joke !!!!

Littlepeps I know what you mean. My dietitian referral was offered as an off the cuff remark. Don't think she was expecting me to say yes please. In fact the dietitian is the nicest person I've come across. She has advised me to go back to go as she thinks its appalling that the FS wont give me metformin. When I saw her on Monday it was the first time in months I felt a health care professional cared which is bad given I'm also one.
I hope you have success with your dietitian referral xx

 

[jcr1988]

Pixie, there is hope yet!! out of the blue my hubby did his SA today!!! i maid it as easy as possible for him and it's done good luck getting ur DH to do it too!! baby dust!!

Adunny I can totally understand where you are coming from. Until my husband does his SA the fertility clinic won't see me again. Feel completely lost. Can I ask how you best managed to lose the weight? I was following a diet plan by dietitian but I injured my neck a few months ago and being unable to.go.to gym and being on heavy duty pain killers its gone out the window. I'm desperately trying to get back on it but I just find myself picking during the day.
JCR1988 your situation is so similar. After another negative result at start of week I tried talking to husband about doing his SA but like yours he shrugged it off. What I don't understand is he's desperate for kids like me. He puts his hands on my stomach saying he can't wait until he can feel his child kick. I feel like such a failure. And I'm jealous of people when they first tell me they are pregnant which makes me feel like such a horrible person

 

[adunny]

Adunny I can totally understand where you are coming from. Until my husband does his SA the fertility clinic won't see me again. Feel completely lost. Can I ask how you best managed to lose the weight? I was following a diet plan by dietitian but I injured my neck a few months ago and being unable to.go.to gym and being on heavy duty pain killers its gone out the window. I'm desperately trying to get back on it but I just find myself picking during the day.
JCR1988 your situation is so similar. After another negative result at start of week I tried talking to husband about doing his SA but like yours he shrugged it off. What I don't understand is he's desperate for kids like me. He puts his hands on my stomach saying he can't wait until he can feel his child kick. I feel like such a failure. And I'm jealous of people when they first tell me they are pregnant which makes me feel like such a horrible person

Weight Watchers is pretty much the only thing that works for me, along with heavy exercise. I need to get back on the bandwagon and get some more off. I fully am aware the more I lose the better my chances, but I always get stuck in a rut lol. I also had back surgery in 2010 and I have arthritis which makes it hard for me to find motivation to work out..Trust me girl, we are in the same boat. I wish you luck !

My husband does the same kind of crap to me. I hate when he rubs my stomach and says the same thing. He gets very defensive if we ever talk about the results of his SA ... Sometimes I wish I never found out because now its always a battle ... Do not feel like a failure .. Both of my best friends are pregnant right now and its been a big heartbreak .. I am happy for them but just wish it was me!