ttc, marriage, and social life

[kazazza]

I've been ttc for two years now and had my second miscarriage a few months ago.

I've almost completely given up on socializing for now since I find it too hard to spend time with all the new parents we know. However, my husband is a very social person and these interactions just aren't painful for him at all.

So, he's continuing to spend time with friends (a bit less often than before) while I stay at home or do something on my own. This is the 'least worst' option for me, but less than ideal. I don't know how long I can keep up this kind of life.

Any tips out there....?

 

[jules87]

I was the same way this last year. It wasn't until a few months ago that I started to come around. At that time I had found out that my best friend was expecting.... I was ecstatic! After that point it's been a bit easier to take the new.

The thing is, the rest of the world can't stop because we are having a hard time conceiving. Those people are your friends. I know it's hard to be around them and their kids, but do you want to lose all those friendships? I think that thought is what made me start coming back out of the "funk" that I was in.

Many to you. I know it's hard. At some point though, you have to decide if you are going to let ttc rule/ruin your life or if you are going to rule your life and ttc is just a part.

 

[firsttimer123]

You are not alone. I always feel on edge, especially with so many pregnancy and friends being new parents. It's hard to share too because those ppl truly do not get it. I also hate the 'when are you guys going to have some of your own' I want to scream! We have to do what we need to to keep ourselves more sane. It's a tough time in our lives... Me and hubby tend to do more nights out just us. Then we can still feel like we r being social but in our own way

 

[kazazza]

jules87- yes, I'm not looking for the world to stop, just trying to cope with it as I grieve my losses.

firsttimer123- I think that more nights out the two of us is a really good idea, thanks.

 

[jules87]

kazazza- I'm sorry, I didn't mean for my post to sound insensitive. In truth I was moody and didn't think my post out too well. I had just taken a test and received yet another BFN.

I know it's hard. I'm sorry you are going through this. It really does suck, and it's just not fair.

 

[kazazza]

jules87- I'm sorry about your bfn. yes, the unfairness of the universe has been quite a drag for me these last few years...

 

[MariaIsabella]

I completely understand.

The good thing for me is some of my best friends ( even though they are in their mid to late 30s ) are either single, have decided kids are not for them or do not have kids yet so easier to still go out and meet them.

I do struggle meeting my friends who do have kids though. I get so frustrated and sometimes my sister and single friends tell me to stop being silly and face it.. But they don't understand since they have never been in the situation!

I also had a loss in 2013..

 

[tinadecember]

Yep girls I can also sympathise with what everyone is feeling though I think it's quite a common occurance amongst LTTTC women. We've been trying for 2 years now and are starting IVF with ICSI in the next few weeks due to my husband having low sperm motility.

I find it heartbreaking when people announce their pregnancies, in the space of the 2 years that we've been trying at least 10 people who I know have had babies and as much as I want to be happy for them because some are close friends I can't help but feel jealous and upset.

My mum has noticed a change in my personality over the last few months, she says that I am more angry than I used to be. I guess I've become more short tempered and irritable but it's as expected. Nobody understands the stress on your body and mind until you're going through infertility yourself. It's the worst kind of pain

xx

 

[Moma Ali]

I know what you mean, I basically my job after my MC in febuary and now dont really see anyone... they sent me a letter last week saying they have kept my place but I cant face going back, I visit twice and everyone is just so full of awkward questions I dont want to answer.

I even avoid facebook now as several friends got pregnant at they same time and they have their babies now :'( LTTTC is a lonely place, all my friends either dont want kids (serious non maternal anti-child types that dont get why you would 'waste time and money' when were already 'overpopulated') or are happily popping them out one after the other without issue

 

[wannabemummyb]

Unfortunately, I agree. Lttc is a lonely place, I'm now seeing friends who said they didn't want kids pregnant or with babies. I've got a joint baby shower next week for two friends from work and a girl in my team is going on maternity too.

For me any social interaction can be torture .... People at work asking when I'm planning to have kids, people joking there must be something in the water at work with all these pregnant people. Even meeting new people or going to the hairdressers I'm faced with the question of whether we have kids, then when I say no, the question of whether we want them.

But equally it's hard with friends and family who know our struggle, because they ask all the time, give us useless advice etc.

Sometimes I wish I never wanted kids and didn't start this journey, too much heartbreak with no guarantee of anything at the end.

But as someone said, the world goes on around us, and as much as I want to detach myself from it, that's not healthy for me either. It's a fine line between protecting oneself and alienating yourself. It's why groups on here, are in the main a good release

 

[stefdan]

I have read some similar story from some bloggers. You can go check their blog and learn from their experience. I know sometime we would be inspired by reading others' stories Hope this help!

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