TTC or NOT? I dont know where I stand!

[spyfytiffy]

Hi, I am kind of torn between my feelings and logic. Let me give a brief history. I became PG with twins in 2007 about 6 mo after DH and I were married. It was not planned. I miscarried both babies at 8 wks. We decided to wait a while to ttc again. In May 2008 I conceived my DD, using Fertility Friend as my guide. She is now 5. I then got pg with DS in Nov 2010 and he is almost 3. We both agreed we were done ttc. I thought I was, but always had a deep gut feeling that I wanted one more later on. Well, we had a slip this cycle and I am pretty sure Im not pg, but not 100%. My husband I both were freaking out when I realized I was fertile. We are currently living with my dad and living paycheck to paycheck, so logically we dont want one right now, but something has changed in us both. At first We were upset now the thought of not being pg makes us sad. I was shocked he felt the same way. We never got over our loss from the first pg. i dont know whether I really want a baby or still trying to fill that void. I feel like if AF comes I will cry. Emotional roller coaster. So confused!