TTC since Oct '15 no luck so far

[Missy1087]

Hi Everyone,

So DH works nights and I work days so we have schedule conflicts often when it comes to trying to conceive. We are taking a laid back approach to it, him more than me, and when it happens it happens. But I'm becoming more and more frustrated. October it just happened we did it around the time I ovulated, according to my calendar, which happened to be my birthday. I was so hoping we would conceive and thought we had when I was a week late for AF. I took a HPT and it came back neg and the next day on Oct 31st there she was.

My cycles were regular for the next two months - usually like clockwork could set your watch 30 day cycle practically to the hour. I had a doctors appointment for checkup and mentioned it he said it's not uncommon to be late once in a while and that given the circumstances it may have been that I had conceived but the pregnancy terminated before I could get a positive result.

This past cycle I was 11 days late, took a HPT on day 7 and was negative. My mother had said it's possible it was a false negative, given how late I was. I planned on retesting this coming Tuesday but today, I believe AF started. I had cramps all day and thought it could've been gas, but then after I used the bathroom I felt something, checked and when I wiped there was blood, a moderate amount and not light or dark but not bright red either (sorry tmi). Of course on Valentine's Day. Being that he works tonight we are celebrating Tuesday and I hoped, again, that that would be his Valentine's Day gift, a positive. I broke down crying earlier but have hid it from DH I haven't said anything but have told my mother. I haven't realized how much I really want this until today. The frustration is terrible and it's only been a few months of trying I feel awful for others that have gone longer.

I guess my question is, how do you stay strong? I feel depressed and am already starting to beat myself up over it which I know won't help the process either. That plus his sister in law became pregnant the first time she and his brother had tried for a baby makes me feel inadequate and question my ability to conceive. She's got a cyst on her ovary and a few other issues so she anticipated obstacles she did not have after all, yet here I am, yes with a cyst too, and having obstacles myself yet doc says nothing to worry about yet. :/

 

[ABmommy]

Hi Missy. Like you, we have been trying since Oct '15 as well. Unfortunately DH was back and forth about wanting it so after 3 TTC cycles we went to NTNP. It's very hard on me. He now says he's ready but I'm skeptical so I do my best to not think about it constantly. It is depressing especially because both of my sisters had babies in 2015 and my mother keeps asking when the family is going to grow and usually directs that at me. Do your best to keep busy and I know it sounds cliche but try not to stress as that'll only affect the whole process negatively. We can help each other through this. Keep your head up.

 

[Missy1087]

Thanks ABmommy, we can definitely support one another. I can understand the challenge when there are family members involved, and feeling as though they've set a benchmark. Every time it feels like I'm reaching for the hoop and can't score a basket. I'm happy for those around me having babies, being pregnant and all that. It just seems so crazy how others can conceive at the snap of a finger and others struggle.

Have you had trouble tracking ovulation after late menstration? I've considered letting my body reset itself for a cycle and then try again since like you we're basically NTNP - he wouldn't know the difference, just me and my impatience. I will definitely use work as a distraction and try to stress-free. Glad to have a friend in this, hopefully we get baby dust sprinkles soon!

 

[KatO79]

Sorry you're having such a tough time with TTC Missy

I think it's important to remember that it can take up to 1 year to conceive and still be considered normal. Each cycle, you only have a 15-20% chance of conceiving. I wouldn't worry until you've hit the 1 year mark, providing you're under 35. After that you and your DH can get tested. I'd say your SIL getting pregnant 1st month out is super, super lucky and not considered normal in the sense that most do need a few months before it happens for them. I've seen plenty of ladies on here get pregnant after 6-7 cycles or more. Don't measure yourself against others, it's a sure way to destroy your self-esteem and create issues. Anyone that gets pregnant so quickly must've been super lucky!

Maybe go for a totally NTNP approach for a few months until you feel in a more positive place?

Also if you've gone off any type of birth control, it can take a while for your body to get back to normal.

As for annoying family members, I'd just give them polite brush offs and say it'll happen when it happens, you'll let them know if there's any positive news and until then don't wish to discuss it further. You just don't need them stressing you like that!

As to being late, are you sure you Oed when you think you did? Because you could've Oed later than you thought. What calender are you using? If it's one of those that guesses O based on cycle length, those aren't very accurate. You maybe should try using OPKs and/or temping to see when you O as that's a more reliable way of knowing. Also it's not unusual to have a wonky cycle once in a while. I've had a couple of cycles where I was 100% sure of my O date, was like 5 days late and not pregnant with only BFNs to show for it. AF can be late for numerous reasons that have nothing to do with pregnancy.

So yeah it can take a while to conceive and you shouldn't think you're broken just because you don't conceive 1st month out.

I was BTW TTCing for 2 years and 3/4 months, was diagnosed with unexplained infertility, been through 6 failed IUIs that all ended in AF, an IVF that ended in a CP and am currently 5w5d pregnant after IVF #2 (FXed this one is my take home baby).

 

[Missy1087]

Congratulations! That's very exciting! I'm happy for you especially after your struggles. Your advice is very helpful and I feel better after reading your post, thank you for sharing.

I have heard it takes up to a year, I guess with SIL and the rest of HIS fam (he's 1 of 6, SIL pregnant straight out the gate, and other sister had 2 babies - 3 & 1 yr) it's as if we're up to bat and we strike out. At least I feel I do - I think you're right at sticking to a NTNP mindset and removing the negative vibes is important too. It's bad enough I have a defeatist attitude I don't need help from others with that. I definitely didn't know there's only such a slight chance of conceiving every cycle that's reassuring.

I am using an app powered by Walgreens called P.Tracker (has a 28 for a graphic) and it seems it does predict based off the 14 day period. I had tried tracking mucous however it seems to throw me off...I had the egg white consistency around the 14 day mark, maybe a few times earlier or later, but last month I had it twice - it happened around 14 day mark and again about a week after. I think I'll try temping because that confused me for sure about ov times and maybe temping will help me be more accurate.

Thank you very much for your post! Keep me posted on your progress!

 

[2ducks]

Missy- Hello and welcome!

How I keep myself motivated and keep myself from getting depressed is to feel empowered. I may have PCOS, I am currently being tested. Right now I can't control that I am not ovulating and I can't control long cycles. What I do to feel in control is take lots of supplements and vitamins to support fertility, exercise regularly, and eating healthy. Temping has been a huge thing for me because it proved to me and my OBGYN that I am not ovulating which prompted testing for PCOS. Also, participating in this board and helping support other women has been very therapeutic for me.

I think that you and your husband need to sit down and have an honest talk about ttc. The relaxed approach is not working for you and you obviously want to be actively ttc. Also since your husband works nights if you are not temping, charting and using OPKs you should start. That will give you an accurate window and let you know your exact O date.

Good luck and I hope to keep seeing you around this board.

 

[Missy1087]

Thank you! I've been charting but not temping I think I'm going to try that next time around. I guess I just have to keep positive. Do you irregular cycles or long cycles? I hope that your tests come back the way you wish!

 

[2ducks]

Irregular cycles AND long cycles. Currently on CD 75, I am starting Clomid next month after I get back from vacation. I also highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weshler, to really walks you through everything you need to know about ttc and fertility.

 

[Missy1087]

Thanks for the recommendation I'll check it out. This whole process seems so much more involved then I thought. It seems so instant for people, and "accidental" pregnancies.

Hope vacation is fun and relaxing, hopefully Clomid works for you. I've heard of it but am not very familiar with it. Odd question but has your cycle always been that way? I've noticed my menses length and intensity changed last couple of cycles. This most recent one seems more typical as to what I've normally, just thought it was strange. Of course there are the times when I'm late but didn't think that would effect menses.

 

[2ducks]

I was on BCP since the age of 18 and Iam now 32. I honestly don't remember what my cycles were like in high school. I think they were long and light. My OBGYN thinks the BCP may have masked PCOS for years. It seems to make sense. I also had no idea that baby making was such a process. I though you just screwed like crazy and got preggo. The fertile window every month is so short and then the egg only has a %20 chance of sticking. Taking Charge of Your Fertility is so incredibly helpful. I first checked it out from my library but then loved it so much I ordered a copy from Amazon.

 

[pjmm]

Hey girl ! I'm in the same boat as you. We started NTNP in late October '15 and ttc in Jan of this year. It's only been two cycles but it's exhausting... I had been testing since Monday (9dpo) feeling super convinced this was the month. I also envisioned telling DH and feeling so overwhelmed with joy. Looks like AF is here after all... I started spotting earlier today and just feel overall gloomy. We haven't told anyone we are tying and it's hard to find people in my circle who I could talk to this stuff about since most of my friends are not married yet. I am hoping I feel better and more optimistic tomorrow ....