twisted nursery rhymes

[Becky123]

Me and my OH were bored last night so were talking about alternative versions of nursery rhymes

Heres they are

Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle
all over the kitchen floor
the little dog laughed to see such fun
so the cat did a little bit more

Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet
eating her curds and whey
along came a spider
and sat down beside her
she farted and it ran away

incy wincy spider climbing up the spout
along came the rain and washed the bugger out


obviously won't be teaching these to LO

What are your 'alternative' rhymes

 

[PepsiChic]

hahaha i love these..i used to know a jack and jill one but i cant remember it now.

 

[pink_rulez]

I know a few but some are quite rude/crude, don't want to offend people, x

 

[hayleyet]

Bump coz I want to see more!! So funny

 

[babyloulou]

Was it this PepsiChic?

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Frankie.

That's what we used to sing at school!

 

[Gemz01]

was it this pepsichic?

Jack and jill went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly jill forgot her pill
and now there's little frankie.

That's what we used to sing at school!

haha!

 

[Princess86]

Was it this PepsiChic?

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Frankie.

That's what we used to sing at school!

Hah' that literally made me LOL!!

 

[PepsiChic]

Was it this PepsiChic?

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Frankie.

That's what we used to sing at school!

that wasnt it but OMG that made me laugh out loud! and its so appropriate considering this is the baby club!

 

[rachael22]

Jack And Jill
went up the hill
so jack could lick jills fanny
jack got a shock
and mouthfull of cock
cos jills a fucking tranny



sorry if ive offended any1 :-/

XX

 

[cowboys angel]

Jack And Jill
went up the hill
so jack could lick jills fanny
jack got a shock
and mouthfull of cock
cos jills a fucking tranny



sorry if ive offended any1 :-/

XX

OMG

 

[cowboys angel]

Okay I googled Alternative Nursery Rhymes.....

WARNING: some are inappropriate but after the previous post I think I'm safe!

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often



Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.


Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her
'twas Little Boy Blue with a horn.


Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman
"What have u got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.


Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon

 

[cowboys angel]

Shall I keep going? I have more!

 

[KatelynsMummy]

Jack and jill went to the dairy,
Jack pulled out his big and hairy,
Jill said oo what a whopper,
Lets get down and do it proper

 

[bathbabe]

i love these

 

[cowboys angel]

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cos he was gay.

Little boy blew.
Hey. He needed the money.

Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore,
Humpty Dumpty fucked her some more,
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Bent the bitch over and fucked her again.


Jack and Jill went up the hill
For just an itty bitty.
Jill’s now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city


Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his front teeth are missing

(Someone's gotta get Jack and Jill under control apparently)


My friend Billy
Had a ten foot willy,
He showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake
And hit it with a rake
And now its only 4 ft 4.

Spider, spider on the wall.
Ain't you got no sense at all?
Can't you see the walls been plastered?
Now you're stuck you silly *******

Hey Diddle, Diddle,
The cat did a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
Then died of electric shock.

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead...
And when she was good,
She was very very good,
But when she was bad
She got a fur coat, jewels, a
Waterfront condo and a sports car.

1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
And if one stick of dynamite should accidentally fall...
There'll be no sticks of dynamite and no f**king wall

Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed
Little Bo Peep was giving him head
As he came, she started to weep
She could tell by the taste he'd been shagging her sheep

 

[cowboys angel]

This website is kinda fun lol, where I got these from

 

[Mama1985]

Lol I haven't got any twisted nusery rhymes but the ones posted here sure are funny!!!
anyone got anymore

 

[skydragonfly]

Old mother Hubard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor doggie a bone.
But when she bent over
old Rover took over
'cause he had a bone of his own.

 

[skydragonfly]

Sing a song of syphilis,
A fanny full of crabs,
4 and 20 ulcers,
All covered up in scabs,
When the scabs were opened,
The **** began to sing,
Isn't this a dirty place to put your penis in

 

[cowboys angel]

Haha I skipped the dog one, not sure why, but that was on that website too.