UK Adoption (Rant!)

[xbababellyx]

Okay so I'm probably the last person in the world to know this but i've only just found out that private adoption in the UK in illegal??! WHY???

I considered giving my baby up for adoption a few weeks ago when I first found out I was pregnant, it wasn't that I didn't want this baby but I knew that someone else could possibly give him/her a better life. I know in America, you can have a say in what kind of family your child goes too and you may get to meet the parents before you give birth and get to know them a little. I know if I was to give my child up it would have to be to a couple that have been TTC to conceive for a while and I would like to be able to meet them at least. The English government needs to understand that just because you may want to give your child up, DOES NOT mean that you don't care about who he/she goes to! And by them placing your child into foster care while they try to find adoptive parents for them, isn't that defeating the object of wanting them to have immediate stability?? Of course people in the UK should be given the chance to adopt but shouldn't private adoption also be an option to everyone too?

 

[sweetcheeks78]

I think it's to protect the mum, the baby and the future family. Often a young woman will be vulnerable if she is in the position of having to give up her child, involving social services means that she cannot be pushed or coerced into a decision either way, either financially or emotionally.

I hope things work out well for you

 

[twinklycat]

I completely agree with you xbababellyx, you should be able to have a say in who adopts your baby, especially as adoption agencies these days often have 'contact' arranged where you can meet and spend time with your child and their adopted parents a couple of times a year. It would be nice for all involved if you could have a lovely relationship with your child and their family still (if you wished).
sweetcheeks78, I see what you mean, I hadn't thought about that side of things...good point! However if SS would open up and let the birthmum be involved as above then that might protect all parties?

 

[Lolly1985]

When we had our initial interview we were told all about contact, and while it doesn't allow a birth mother to choose who adopts her child, it allows for involvment in different ways. Our SW told us that unless not appropriate (ie, a child was taken into care for extreme safeguarding issues etc) then the birth mother meets the adopters before placement begins. It allows for both parties to have a feel for one another and as a Q & A session, as well as the BM saying goodbye. After this (again unless not appropriate) contact is in the form of open meetings, where the family meets up at agreed intervals, or letterbox contact, where a letter and photos are sent from both the BM and adoptive family to one another one or two times a year.

I know this isn't the original topic of the thread but Twinkly's post made me want to share this in case it helps anyone in any way.

Love to all, Lolly xxxx

 

[Gunnhilde]

Actually, because America has jus soli (right of soil citizenship rights) you could deliver your child in America and give it up for adoption there (and get to pick the adoptive parents). They usually cover medical costs, etc.

Just a thought if you have your heart set on it.

 

[Liesje]

Thats ridiculous. There must be a way to circumvent that rule. Is there any law stopping a woman from physically handing her child to another couple to care for, then that couple later files for custody?

 

[CareBear]

When giving a child up for adoption the birth parents will be asked for their wishes and feelings on who the child is placed with and these will be adhered to as much as possible. When a couple has been chosen, who will be a couple or a single person who have been assessed and already approved as an adoptive parent, a meeting will be arranged for the birth parents to meet the prospective adoptive parents. The rules around adoption are now changing, prospective adopters can also be approved as short term foster carers so the child is placed with them immediately whilst the adoption process progresses meaning the child does not need to move. There are laws about how much time has to pass before anything can be formalised in case the birth parent changes their mind.

The manner in which adoption is progressed in the UK means that all parties are protected and ongoing contact is maintained and information is gathered for the child to have throughout their live in terms of a lifestory book and kept on file for when the child is 18 or older if they wish to access their files.

There are very few relinquished children placed for adoption in this country now and if private adoption was possible, there would be even less adopters available for children who have to be removed from their families for their own protection. Also as a previous poster said, young woman could be exploited and coerced into giving up their babies and the families the babies then go to may not be suitable for the child.

Liesje - yes there are laws that can stop this from happening, one the couple would have to explain where the child came from, they couldn't claim the child was there's if the female had never been to their GP pregnant or not had antenatal care or not presented to hospital in labour. Private adoption is not possible in this county unless you are registered and approved as a foster carer and have had a child placed with you by a local authority for a certain amount of time. The only order a couple in this situation could apply for is a special guardianship order and social services would be involved to ensure the safeguarding of the child. There are ways round the laws but it would be tricky and in my opionon its not worth it as if you were caught out you would scupper any chance you had of being a parent.

 

[Milty]

If you really want to choose I highly recommend you come to the US.

An agency will pay for everything to be reimbursed by the new parents once you pick them. Sometimes you can even arrange for an open adoption with limited vista or photos or something.

Sorry hun it's a tuff road but I admire you having the courage to make those decisions.

 

[Liesje]

Liesje - yes there are laws that can stop this from happening, one the couple would have to explain where the child came from, they couldn't claim the child was there's if the female had never been to their GP pregnant or not had antenatal care or not presented to hospital in labour. Private adoption is not possible in this county unless you are registered and approved as a foster carer and have had a child placed with you by a local authority for a certain amount of time. The only order a couple in this situation could apply for is a special guardianship order and social services would be involved to ensure the safeguarding of the child. There are ways round the laws but it would be tricky and in my opionon its not worth it as if you were caught out you would scupper any chance you had of being a parent.

I wasn't suggesting doing anything illegal, or even lying. Here in Canada anyone can apply for custody of any child; whether they get it or not is up to the court, but if they have no reason to decline, it would be approved.