Understanding the labour process

[Jennifurball]

Even though I have given birth before, I feel stupid and also that my lack of knowledge ruined my last labour, and also panicking and not knowing how to deal with it, it felt much worse than it should have I think.

Obviously it hurts like hell and everyone suffers but I didn't feel any progress whatsoever, like you see on the labour shows where you see them getting through their contractions and their pushing actually does something. I was pushing for 2 hours, had to do the whole thing with no pain relief (I will make sure they don't refuse me this time). Also begged for forceps and ended up with them and an episiotomy cos I personally think I was too weak to push as I should have done.

Has anyone got any tips on how to make me feel I have SOME control when it happens again. I am honestly panicking already worrying about it.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Many women find it a lot easier to get in tune with labour the 2nd+ time around as even though you think you didn't feel your progress last time you might recognize it when you feel it this time around. Also it is common for pushing to be shorter in subsequent labours. I pushed for 2 hours with my 1st, pushing felt the same in the first minute as it did in the last, I honestly couldn't have told you when my DS was about to be born. With my 2nd I pushed for 14 minutes and I was much more aware of how it was going and felt more in control.

 

[Jennifurball]

That is very reassuring, thank you.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Ina may gaskins books are very good x

 

[BabyBlondex]

My 1st labour was alot like yours I panicked made the whole experience worse and came out torn to shreds! By my 2nd labour I was so worried of panicking again, but seriously it was so much easier! I didn't move off the bed and was laughing and joking with the midwives as ds was on his way out! I only had gas and air and it was the best experience of my life! And it didn't hurt half as much as 1st time. You'll be fine sweetie x

 

[Livvy]

I wish they did gas & air in the US!

 

[JT2013]

I also pushed for two hours with my DS and ended up needing just one push with ventouse because I had no strength...and no strong urge to push. I think the main thing I would do differently this time is to NOT be lying down. You're working against gravity! I felt totally in control, I had gone from 4cms to fully in 2 hours and felt in control until I was asked to get out of the bath to be examined at fully dilated. and Once I lay down for that exam I didn't have the strength to get back up and it took two hours from there. Anyway I've not got there yet but I think the main thing is to have someone with you that can advocate for you when you really NEED something (like pain relief!) or gently suggest moving etc if things aren't progressing. Good luck!

 

[tommyg]

I am hoping for exactly the same kind of birth as last time. I laboured at home for just around 29 hrs, was 4cm when I got to hospital. DS was born 3 hours later, pushed for about 35minutes, water birth, gas n air.
Certainly no hurting like hell! To me hurting like hell is the agony of a burst appendix and giving birth was no where near that level of pain.
I hope first time mums realise that labour and birth do not hurt like hell for everyone.

The extent of my antenatal advice was stay at home as long as possible, you'll find other things to think about other than dwelling on pain, and relax let your body do its job. If you tense up you stop your body trying to do what it needs to do.
Other than an exam when I arrived in hospital at no point in the whole process did I lie down.

 

[Parkep]

I think, going into it knowing your body can do it. And working through one contraction at a time. Don't freak out at the bigger picture. One second at a time. And dont lay flat. On all fours, standing, swaying, anything but on your back. And learning how to push efficiently, basically the same muscles it takes to poop lol. For my last, the first two pushes I could feel her slip back up after i was done pushing. So during the resting part i barred down a bit to keep her where she was. She was out in 5 pushes. Just listen to your body.

 

[sparkle_bump]

I agree with what's been said by previous people. With my first I definitely wasn't pushing effectively and I was on my back the whole time. It took 20 mins (nothing compared to 2 hours) but it still made me feel like I was getting nowhere because every time I stopped pushing DS just slipped back. With my second son, I pushed like I needed to poop and that worked a treat. In fact I did end up pooping but at that point I didn't care because my boy was on his way out!!

So main points that I'll be taking with my this time:

- stay off your back as much as possible
- push like you have to poop
- listen to your body

I know the last one sounds vague, but with my second labour, because I'd already been through it once, when I felt what I will call 'THE PRESSURE', I knew that's when I needed to push. I told the midwife that I thought I was ready and she was like 'yup, go for it'. That was actually really empowering and helped me feel in control.

 

[ProudArmyWife]

Many women find it a lot easier to get in tune with labour the 2nd+ time around as even though you think you didn't feel your progress last time you might recognize it when you feel it this time around. Also it is common for pushing to be shorter in subsequent labours. I pushed for 2 hours with my 1st, pushing felt the same in the first minute as it did in the last, I honestly couldn't have told you when my DS was about to be born. With my 2nd I pushed for 14 minutes and I was much more aware of how it was going and felt more in control.

I agree with this completely! With my first I had no idea at all what I was doing, I had no clue how to breath through the contractions. I would literally get a contraction and hold my breath, my wonder labor nurse saw me doing this and walked me through breathing and I suddenly felt more in control. It took me over an hour to push her out and I was just over the whole thing by the time we finally got her out.

My second was completely different, It felt more instinctual. Like I just knew what to do, how to breath and how to cope. My labor was about half the time so everything progressed much quicker with my second and it took me about 20 mins to get her out (she was a 9lb baby).


Try not to panick momma. I think you'll know what to do

 

[lakotachris]

Find a really good OB (probably a woman) who will listen to your concerns as you exactly addressed them here. I've had five babies and with each I become more in charge of my labor and after. For example, I didn't want to wear the gowns and I didn't. I also didn't want the nurses in hovering and after the first one they all sat outside the door. I ate during my labors and told then I was going to as the with the first being crazy hungry certainly didn't help. It was against policy but I just told them point blank I needed to eat and they EVEN brought me food!

Other things I've took charge of were don't force me to push, I don't want the bed dropped with my butt up in the air so I literally give birth curled up on myside on a bed like I'm at home. I push when I am ready not when they tell me I have to which I believe caused my first 4th degree tear.

I also don't want nurses watching me pee afterward so I make them wait outside instead of standing there while do it. I also told them flat out I was going to carry my baby instead of pushing it around in the cart and they allowed me to do that.

Anyway, by my last I had a beautiful lovely experience with almost no medical intervention even though I was in a hospital. Nurses stayed out unless I asked and doctor came in when I said it was time and she left me totally alone and let me do it myself when I was ready.

I felt rushed and unprepared my first labor and like they directed me to do things my body wasn't ready for including pushing when I was only 9 instead of a 10.

Granted I have almost unbelievably fast easy labors but I am moving and ready to go with no recovery time almost immediately and I feel this is because the doctor I have allows me to handle labor the way that comes naturally to me and doesn't make do all of the standard hospital protocol and rules.

 

[Jennifurball]

Thank you all for your replies, they have really calmed me down!

I think in a way knowing what to expect makes you worry more, but at the same time it reminds you that it wasn't nice but it does end, and as I had to do it last time without pain relief, I am hoping I can have it this time and have a nicer experience. I want control and calm, I just need to stop thinking too far ahead. x

 

[2have4kids]

I think what worked for me was being in the shower on all fours at home for a long length of time. It took most of the pain away so much so I had to come out every now and then to time contractions properly. Then when I came out and all of a sudden it hit me like a truck I thought if I dudn't move my arse to the hospital I'd have too much pain to deal with. So after 4 hours we left and when I got there I was 6 cm dilated. I took gas & air which did nothing for me and got the epidural. After that I was 10 cm and ready to go. It took 2 pushes and she was out. I don't expect my twins to be that smooth but the ob has instructed me to come in earlier as they'll likely come much more quickly than the 1st.