University & being a teen mum?

[Lou]

hey chick,

Im currently in uni at the moment, in my second year, and whilst iv been with my most perfect bf for 3 years and I'd love a little baba, I know its just going to be so much hard work. Your first year is pretty light and stress free (apart from exams and things) but second year seriously steps up, and third year again... the step up is a bit of a shock to the system and I dread to think what it could do to your baba inside you. Personally I wouldnt recommend it, I know that there are some brilliant facilities out there to help women who fall pregnant, but that's not to say that those women don't struggle. At the end of the day no one has the right to tell you what you can and can not do, but whilst having a little one seems like the most perfect idea in the world, add in:

*Morning sickness - on exam mid terms / coursework deadlines
*being tired and dealing with stress (I cry about once a fortnight and im not an emotional person!!!!haha)
*having to heave ur books around with a bumo (not good for you or little one.)
*and having to put up with peers, people will always watch, always judge and if life isnt hard enough with a bump, imagine when ur little one arrives.

I really share your dream of having a little one, but my personal opinion is to wait until uni is over.

Good luck with what ever you decide, and if you ever want to chat to someone in a not so different position, feel free to PM me. Im always happy to chat.

Take care

Lou
xxx

 

[AprilMummy09.]

I'm 27 weeks pregnant, + due to go to Uni in September,
but obviously, taking a 6 month old to Uni is extremely unfair as my course would require lots of time + effort [performing arts]
so i'm taking a year out, + then moving away to go to uni with her.

I personally, after a LOT of thinking, think it's not fair to bring a new-born up in Uni surroundings as I don't think many people would properly cope,
new-born's need stability, + having to go to lectures or lessons wouldn't be very stable...
if your baby was say...6 months+, i don't think that's unfair, just a newborn + balancing it isn't exactly ideal.

I know I may seem a hypocrit, but I've thought about it rationally, alot, + i really didn't think it was the right thing to do,
maybe go to Uni next year, after the baby has been born?
also, the stress of Uni + being pregnant isn't ideal either,
I mean, college was enough for me, + i'm stressed to the max in my final year of it,
a year out may do you good..?

but that's my opinion,
I wish you all the luck in the world if you go through with it,
I really do.
xx

 

[beaniebopps]

Thanks so much to everyone for all your replies, its really helped. To answer some questions - e.g. what would I do with my baby when the nursery isnt available. Do remember my partner is very supportive. His girlfriend when he was a teen got pregrant (unplanned) so hes already got a 7 year old and has been through the whole baby thing - he knows how hard it is from experience. And I know what a great father he is - he stuck around for 4 years even though he never loved the mother, and she just cheated and treated him badly - just for the sake of the baby. And he still is supportive in whatever way he can be.

The nursery looks great and I've already looked into what funding I could get for it. However, for now I've decided to wait. Hearing that the 4 years will fly by seems reassuring. If I really still want a baby after I've finished 2nd year (to give me a good idea of how hard the uni work is) then I'll consider it then, and maybe finish my course after 3 years with a BSc degree. It just seems a little baby would complete my life so much - but I suppose theres no rush to get that feeling of completion - I can always look forward to it!

 

[~curiosity~]

thats exactly how I feel hun, I'd love to have a baby sooo much but know I have to put it off for now, but at least we've got something great to look forward to in the future

 

[Drazic<3]

Honestly hun, i think your doing the right thing, as long as your happy.
Uni is hard work, but it feels like yesterday i registered, now im about to start week4 of my last semester! The whole time ive been wtt, but its wizzed by.

Good luck in you course, if you need any advice, message me

 

[BumbleBump]

I'm so relieved you've decided to wait hun. I was at Uni when I fell pg with my first LO. My OH, like yours, was extremely supportive but even so I was so ill with the pregnancy (nothing really wrong, just MS etc) I had to give up for the year. She was 6 months when I started up again, and I did my 3 year course. And BOY was it hard work!! She went to a lovely nursery, made lots of friends, is well loved and well adjusted, so it can definately be done. But i would NEVER have chosen to do it the way i did. I was expected to get a first, but I ended up getting a basic pass. I'm still proud of myself, it's given me so many more options, but I didn't get the grade I deserved not because I didn't work hard but because when you have a kid sometimes you just can't do it all - and the babe will come first. She used to get tummy bugs, chicken pox etc etc while at nursery - there's nothing you can do it stop it when it comes around! And to catchup the work you miss when LO is home whilst then also having to do current work and be a mummy, its very hard to catch back up.

Another thing I regret about things working out that way was money - student loans, nursery grants etc are great but they only cover the essentials. I had huge amounts of guilt about not being able to provide as much as I'd like for my LO - she always had everything she needed, but those little extras that working mums could afford wasn't something I could give her. It is MUCH easier juggling work with a LO, all those rules to give you maternity leave, being able to leave work at work when you come home so it's real family time - At uni you are expected to put as many hours in outside of uni as you do actually in class and when babes spends the whole time screaming while you have an important piece of coursework in the next day - not fun.

You are making the most responsible descion ever by going through Uni and then TTC. You'll get a much better job than if you hadn't gone to Uni, and really be able to provide for LO. You'll be a great role model too. Take care hun

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

i would pick one or the other hunni. I'm at college(going back in march) and im really struggling to get coursework done. And i assume in uni you would have 10 times more work than i have.
good luck with what ever you decide
xx

 

[Rees]

I went to uni, had to work part time, and didn't have a baby, that was hard enough, trying to pay the bills of a single person living away from home on a student loan and a part time job was stressful.

so stressful that i ended up moving back home, changing companies, but still within the same industry then changing campuses (had a sister college that ran the last year of my degree) this time last year i had about 3 months to go and it was all over, but i gave it up for work, i now only have diploma in health and social care management instead of the BA that i wanted, and i wanted it for years.

i'm now 7 weeks pregnant and extremely happy with the choice that i made in giving up a career in health and social care, i'm now an assistant manager in a bookies. i often do wonder what life would have been like if i hadn't given up on my degree just before i met my fiance, but i'm happy now.

a few girls who were on my course fell pregnant at some point or another, and it was VERY hard on them, and they were mature students.

i'm not being harsh but you're gonna have to put one of your dreams on hold, uni can wait until a child is in school, but it'll be easier to go into uni now, child free where you can go out, get bladdered and not worry about dirty nappies, and also while you remember how to learn.

i don't mean for anything in this post to have been offensive, just trying to give you some advice/perspective

but good luck with whatever you choose!

 

[PeanutButter]

I know you've said you're going to wait, and I'm really happy you are - but I can tell you still are a little undecided. Just incase you change your mind again, I really want you to think about what having a baby will be like.

Have you ever thought about what it's like to be pregnant, and go to school? For most women morning sickness isn't just in the morning, it's all through-out the day. Can you imagine studying, trying to concentrate when you constantly feel like you're going to get sick? You'll absolutely take time off of school due to feeling sick, which will make it hard for you to keep up. Migraines (which I suffer through 24/7), trouble sleeping, weakness, and constant fatigue (it will be nothing like you've ever experienced before) are just a few things you might experience. Your pregnancy will it make it extremely hard for you to go to school, let alone study - and there will be plenty of studying.

Now when you actually have the baby, that's a whole new set of challenges. It's easy to think of how fulfilling having a baby can be, which it is, but there is just so many different challenges to come with it. Have you thought about what it's like to change a baby every two hours, or constantly feeding a demanding baby? What happens if your baby is colicky? How do you plan to deal with a baby that will constantly cry due to being colicky? Or when it constantly cries because it's teething. What about the times that your baby has a high fever and you have to spend the night at the hospital, and you have to go to university the next day?

My point is, that having a baby can't be planned out the way you've planned it. It's full of unexpected challenges which will throw your plan out the window. I guarantee you there is a lot of things you haven't considered, things you didn't know you would have to be prepared for. I also don't think you really realize how expensive a kid is, considering how expensive baby products are. You've probably been online and searched up a lot of stuff that you're going to get, but trust me once you are finally pregnant you will soon realize how much more money you will have to spend.