UPDATE: letter back from fob's parents

[surprisebaby]

For people who do not know my situation

Basically when I found out I was pregnant (at 3 1/2 weeks pregnant), I texted FOB the news I was pregnant and did not hear from him at all until 3 months later. He ignored all my means of communication during this time and it was so frustrating. Eventually i managed to find out his parent's home address in Northern Ireland (I live in Scotland) and I wrote to his mum telling her the whole situation (me being pregnant and I asked her to let me know whether they wanted to be involved as grandparents.

So anyway the day she received this letter by recorded delivery by me was the day my FOB contacted me by email (three months after I first told him news). I was 17 weeks pregnant by this time.

This was his email at the time (10th November):
"First and foremost, I don’t know how you managed to gain access to my
parent’s home address but don’t dare bring them into this. Leave them
be. I don't live at home, you won't be able to contact me there. I don’t
want to hear from you. I can only apologise for that but I have my
entire future ahead of me, I don’t need you ruining that. I would like
to think you’d do the honourable thing and have an abortion – but that’s
your choice. If what you want is financial aid then that’s fine. But
don’t expect me to contact you again. I’d appreciate you not
contacting me either.

Anyway I wrote back an email that week to him and then have not contacted him at all or his parents since (almost a month of no contact).

Anyway today: I got a letter through the post from Belfast (a royal mail enevelope with my name and address typed). Inside was the letter I had wrote to his parents which had been opened and it looked like it had been read- it wasn't in the envelope any more and the scan photos I had put in carefully had been deliberately folded right across the picture so that the photos are almost ruined. On the envelope my letter had been in, someone had wrote R T S (return to sender) on the envelope and his parents address scored out with with the words "Not at this address". However there is a red sticker saying item was refused with the date 12th november.

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!

I am so confused now. Was it fob that returned it or the parents. I presume they read it, but how could they if they had refused item at door? unless they accepted it at door and then took it back to the post office.

I just feel really horrible about it. Like my offer of being involved has been thrown in my face. Any thoughts?

 

[expecting09]

FOB doesn't live there does he? So I doubt he would of sent it back. Don't understand how it can be open if it was refused at the door, I didn't think they let you take it, open it THEN refuse it. I'm not sure.

But you did try and involve them, nothing more you can do, they obviously don't wanna be involved. I'd just leave it at that, they could always contact you

xx

 

[surprisebaby]

I think they had to have opened the letter for him to know it was from me. He doesn't live there, but in Scotland, so yeah suppose it must have been them.

 

[surprisebaby]

i dunno just makes me feel really angry with him again. I thought i was becomig more accepting of the situation, but now I just feel like somehow my power has gone. Like his parents aren't on my side at all.

OMG I am so angry with the way he has treated me. He still hasn't said any of this to my face. I know he has exams this week and I know where his exams are so for the first time this had happened I could actually find him and have it all out with him in person. Do you think this is a good idea or not?

 

[surprisebaby]

I am just looking back at my emails and the one I sent back to him that week was written in the morning of the day the letter was "refused", and in my email I had wrote that I would be giving his parent's home address to the CSA as his contact address. so maybe he wanted to pretend his parents didn't live there by returning the letter. Hope that makes sense.

 

[purpledahlia]

i am so confused aswell, i really dont know.. i would still give that adress to CSA.. they can dig more than you. I wouldnt go to where his exams are tho... just leave it for now, he sounds like a pig. x

 

[sleepinbeauty]

Yeah, CSA can take that address and sort out where the stuff really needs to go if not there.

*hugs* I'm sorry he's such a dick to you.

 

[nightkd]

Wow, what a wankstain. It sounds like a really strange situation... I don't get why his parents would have felt the need to ruin the scan photos like that, seems unnecessarily spiteful... Did you ever talk to them/meet them before all this?

xx

 

[Welshcob]

I am so sorry at this awful response from the parents too. Its disgusting. I suspect it was them that refused the letter. I can see where their son gets it then! I know that it probably hurts tons, but at least you can say you did invite them to be part of the babies life. They seem to have been too cowardly to respond and say no, but would rather hide and pretend they did not receive the letter!
hugs

 

[helen1234]

honourable thing and have an abortion

dear i think your better off without them you've done the honourable thing and let baby's father and grandparents know. you owed that to your son/daughter and you've done that.
they have no morals and its their loss

 

[surprisebaby]

Wow, what a wankstain. It sounds like a really strange situation... I don't get why his parents would have felt the need to ruin the scan photos like that, seems unnecessarily spiteful... Did you ever talk to them/meet them before all this?

xx

no I have never met them before. Because when i was going out with my fob he was in scotland like me. They're in Northern Ireland. i think ruining the scan photos to me is a subtle silent message to me that they don't want to know the baby and think of us both as something to discard. I could be wrong but thats what I thought when I saw the photos.

It is a strange situation. what was weird as well, is that on the enevelope that I used for letter, that was "refused" there are two whole lines of crazy doodles of the figure "8" The lines are really jagged and angry looking. his mum or dad must have done that.

 

[purpledahlia]

is it as if theres dots at each point?? thats like a doodle game.. means they wud of used the paper as nothing and doodled on it.. Also, i would take the hint the same way if the scan pics are ruined etc BUT we dont really know who did it... would they? i dunno.. what if he got hold of it and did it so that you thought no1 lived there like you say for CSA purposes?? whoever did it was pretty rude tho!

 

[surprisebaby]

I am so sorry at this awful response from the parents too. Its disgusting. I suspect it was them that refused the letter. I can see where their son gets it then! I know that it probably hurts tons, but at least you can say you did invite them to be part of the babies life. They seem to have been too cowardly to respond and say no, but would rather hide and pretend they did not receive the letter!
hugs

Just noticed you only have "three days" left on your ticker!!!!!! Good luck for the birth xxxx Thanks for message

 

[surprisebaby]

is it as if theres dots at each point?? thats like a doodle game.. means they wud of used the paper as nothing and doodled on it.. Also, i would take the hint the same way if the scan pics are ruined etc BUT we dont really know who did it... would they? i dunno.. what if he got hold of it and did it so that you thought no1 lived there like you say for CSA purposes?? whoever did it was pretty rude tho!

ok looks like something like this; If you imagine the lines (____) being the top and bottom of the envelope:
___________________________________________
00 8 8 88888888 88 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8
00
888 8 8 8 8888888888888 8



____________________________________________

But the "8's" are all different sizes and are not neat , kinda look more like lots of circles. I don't think it's been done in a rude way actually, I think that maybe his mum had just read the letter that day and then she called my fob straight away and whilst on the phone doodled circles and figures of 8 whilst feeling angry and distressed ( they are not curved but jagged circle shapes).

 

[Pyrrhic]

Thats the impression I got about the doodles too hun.

Do you know if they are a traditional family at all? He probably fed them a line that it's not his baby and that you were some girl trying to get money out of him.

I would perhaps send one more letter, with no return address, after your LO is born. Just in case they didn't get your letter, making a point it is his baby(esp if he's asked for DNA) you aren't asking them for anything, etc. Then leave it at that if you hear nothing.

 

[nightkd]

^ That's exactly what I was thinking - maybe he told them you're a trouble maker and it's not his baby?

x

 

[purpledahlia]

yeh thats what i meant she was prob doodling on the envelope, but the jaggy ones i was meaning is thers a doodle thing you can do a number 8 without curving the lines.. dunno it cant rem but we used to do it at school, lol. anyways.. haha!
yeh he prob did just make up some bullcrap story about it all, MEN gggrrr

 

[sweetlullaby]

I agree he has possibly made up some bull story for his parents....i would contact them again once your LO is born and let them know their grandchild has arrived etc. It could trigger some emotions and they might get in touch to find out more etc! then at least if they did ignore you ...you have done everything you can for your LO xx

 

[lou_w34]

Im confused for you!!!

How strange! This leaves you in a no better or worse situation than before, as you still dont no!

All i can say is he is a absolute tosser!

You deserve so much better!

Maybe if you want to, go and see his parents instead, but after youve had the baby and feel settled...

 

[tinkerbellita]

crikey, I was really hoping for a positive response for you from his parents. The worst thing is that you'll never know what was said between them since they opened the letter. Do you think he may have gone back to his parents since they recieved the letter to return it all?

His family seem like my fob's sister when I contacted her, she has since deleted the email account she was using so I can't contact her anymore, AND she was using a different name in the emails. I just wish I could get an address like you did and would also love to know what the conversation was like when she told him I had contacted her, but I guess we both will never know. Makes me angry!

I'd leave things for now, cept for CSA, and write to them again when bub's born letting them know he's here.

Good luck, I'm still stunned. x x x