update of my break-up and a little advice needed please.

[hancake100]

Hi
As some of you will know I have just joing all you lovely strong single mummys
As a quick overall, fob ended it with me just over a week ago, didnt think it was working and said he has been feeling it for along time but now has just been in it for Ellie and that he cant do it anymore. He said he wants nothing to do with me and wated to go through csa and get a solicitor etc..........

Well for a few nights he has been asking to come round to see Ellie but its always been after gym or football and I have said no as she will be in bed by that time and I didnt want to see him. One of the night he wouldnt take no for an answer after me saying so many time I didnt want him round here I was sat on pins thinking was he coming or not every time I heard a car, It was a horrible feeling.

Well after than, we got talking over facebook chat and he was just saying that it is all down to him and not wanting to commit and being scared that I wanted to settle down, get married and have more children. Not once have I said I wanted this at this point in my life as I am more than happy and want to enjoy Ellie and just have a happy life (but dont we all) His life has not changed once since she has come along he still goes out most weekends and goes to the gym after work, plays football and computer games. I told him how that was never fair and that I would like to maybe go out once in awhile but I never could as he ALWAYS had plans with his friends and he would drop me and Ellie for then. (he is 25 by the way but acts like a kid) I explained everything to him how I felt and how he has made me feel doing this and made out that he hates me. He then asked again to come round and I said no as I need to think for myself and get a clear head as he ha put me through this so many times and it is really dragging me down.
Last night we were again talking over facebook and most of the same things were said and he was saying how more chilled out he his since he decided to end things and that he had time to think, we got on to talking about Ellie, having a laugh and kind of being normal with each other, then he said he had to nip to his mums and he would text me later, which he never did.

So me being a mug and thinking about him and missing him etc.......... text him today to check if everything was ok as I didnt hear anything from him. He text back saying he was fine and had a day off work and was at the gym. That was all I heard off him all day till he popped up on facebook to ask had I spoken to the solicitors yet?????? I was like WHAT????? I didnt expect that and he was being so off with my and saying that it was the right thing we were doing and that we need to do this. His mum then knocked at the door as she was coming round to see Ellie.
It then clicked that he said he was going to his mums but then never got intouch after that so I asked him about that and was it maybe to do with something she had said to make him like this again?? He said that yes he was talking to her about it and she gave her advice but he didnt tell me what.

So hearing him say that and having his mum here really pissed me off then she got out her camra and said 'oh I said I was going to get a video for your daddy so he can see you crawling as he hasnt seen you do it yet' (she started craling when we split and he hasnt seen her do that yet) then she asked had she said any words and I said no then she sarted going 'dada dada, Ellie say dada' OH MY GOD, I thought is this woman for real she know what is going on at the moment and talking about him was the last thing I wanted. I got mad and upset and did so well to keep it all inside, she then didnt speak to me and just played with Ellie, I didnt feel right being around her and having her in my home she made me feel so small and angry. She gave Ellie her bedtime bottle and I came back into the room and she said to me 'Well I am sorry to say that Ellie isnt one little bit tired' I said well its time for bed now as this is the time she goes and she sill settle in no time and I took her of her, So she got her coat on and left.
I dont want this woman in my house again, am I being unfair my saying that???
She isnt together with fob's dad iykwim and she has been another woman of a married couple who have now split and she is with him, so she has torn a family up and I just felt that she was trying to do the same by what ever she said to him, I am driving myself mad and keep thinking if I just let him round to talk when he asked would everything be ok.

But I also think I cant think like that because the way he treats me and how little he does for Ellie I know deep down I am much better off with out him.
He is also going on holiday tomorrow with the lads for a week (I wounder what he will be getting upto on that holiday then???? ) So he has left it like this and I just feel to heartbroke and to be honest dont really know how I feel towards the whole thing.

Friends and family have said to get intouch with a solicitor while he is away and get advice etc about everything so I have something to go bay for when he gets back and with him not being able to text me asking to come round everynight will be a weight lifted of my shoulder and might give me time to think things wont be all that different without him around.

I feel like an emotional wreck at the moment, one moment I am happy then I am in fits of tears. Its so hard that I still love this guy so much its untrue but I dont want to love him anymore. I wish moving on was so simple.

I just dont have a clue what to do anymore, does anyone have some advice. He also said he is willing not to see Ellie in the mean time of sorting all this out through solicitors if it ment not seeing me (how can he do that) I wouldnt trust him with her alone and he has NEVER changed a dirty nappy and would rather leave her there dirty than change it, poor little thing He just hasnt taken to fatherhood that well and I feel its my duty to help and make him realise what he is doing and throwing away.

Sorry this is so long and I bet half of it doesnt really mean what I wanted it to mean as my head is all over the place right now. Thank god for friends, family and BnB

 

[LittleMadam]

Hiya,

Lots of hugs first of all!

Don't be too harsh on FOB's mum. After all, how he is is not her fault. But if you don't want her around your place, let her know. Perhaps, you can meet somewhere publicly if just to give you a little break. Tbh, it doesn't hurt to have a relationship with her even if she is a bit in la la land.

As for FOB, honey, you need to stop chasing him. If he cannot be bothered to come see Ellie, why on earth are you texting him and chatting to him on FB? Cool it with the communication and let him do the running. As for a solicitor, let him go. That way he can bloody pay for it! And make sure he gives you money for LO. If he doesn't, CSA his arse because if he can afford to go on holiday and out with his mates, he can more than afford to pay for his baby.

Really though, you need to start building a life with him placed in a lesser role. You seem quite wrapped up in him still and it is time to move on. Plan a night out with the girls (if you can) and go meet some other guys, if just for the flirtation. It will boost your confidence.

xxx

 

[mommy2baby2]

Sending lots of You handled the situation much better than I would have, especially with his mom acting like that (the comments about Daddy not seeing the baby crawl...yeah, because he choses NOT to come see her!) If you can, and if you want to, don't let her come over anymore until you are ready or until things setlle some.

And I agree with what the above poster said, stop contacting him, go through the courts, get your child support and visitation schedule in order and take it from there. Until then, give yourself some space from him because contact will only make things harder!

GL!

 

[xxfluffyxx]

hey girl!! dont apologise! I really hope you are ok!! things WILL get easier...promise!! and you are not alone! Im 21 and feel the same! crap! Im due in october..HE DOESNT DESERVE YOU OR ELLIE!!! I know how hard it is to accept that he has said he doesnt want you(believe me!),and it is sooo hard and upsetting! dont give him the opportunity to upset you anymore! f*ck him! It is his loss!! If I were you I would block him completely from facebook!! It is hard but I did it and has made things easier,anything you see will just upset you even more! his nights out etc ..ans especially if hes heading on a lads holiday(GRRRRRRRRR).Cut him off,he is giving you mixed messages and filling your head full of bull! about commitments etc(these are all just excuses)...Im not trying to be harsh Iv just heard it all from my FOB,men dont get "scared" and run off l;ike little babies!! at least not real men! and thats what you deserve he shouldnt say he will text you and not bother and leave you worrying thats terrible! IGNORE HIM! as far as the solicitor is concerned I think he might be just trying to frighten you,dont feed into any of that and try not to worry,listen to your family and get sum advice to see where you stand while he is away! ( I know you prob wish none of this was happening and you could just have your lil family as imagined) ME 2!! My heads a mess aswell!! As for that dragon of a woman.you have no obligation to her or any other members of the family!! YOU ARE NOT been unfair if you dont want her in your house! what a trouble maker! How dare she make you feel like that in your own home,and the child is not a toy to be used in any of this! she sounds really imature and like she just wants drama and doesnt have ellies best interests at heart like she should as her granny.u dont have to entertain it! him been out of the picyure for a week will really really help you! you wont be checking your fone or panicking he might call around,(I had that last week when himself was at the army) and it did make a difference!...try not to be so hard on yourself! you are doing great..honest....and he didnt even change her??? there is your answer.Its hard to admit your in love with an a$$hole! but you will get stronger and stronger and hopefully when he does come back u can tell him that its not good enough to leave you alone!!! Its ok to cry,let it all out! im an emotional wreck half the time,look after yourself,pamper yourself,have lots of baths and take care of ellie your best(which im sure you will!) also chocolate helps ....I hope you have family to help and support you aswell...please dont feel lonly and add me or message me anytime! HUGS!!!! xxxxxxxxxx