Update on me for anyone interested :)

[suzanne108]

I don't get online much anymore - I don't know how all you ladies find the time, I must be VERY unorganised!!

So for anyone interested I thought I'd update on my situation....

Lola was born on 31 December....I let FOB come to the hospital to see her but because it was new years eve my mum had to let him stay here as he couldn't get a hotel he really outstayed his welcome though (I was in hospital a while afterwards) and made my parents feel like strangers in their own homes, my mum is too nice to tell him to leave!!!

Since then he's been twice, the first time was the worst day of my life!! SOooooooooooo awkward and he made no effort at all. I tried to talk to him about money and he was having none of it....I tried twice whilst I was pregnant and was ignored so I've filled in my CSA forms, just waiting on my child benefit number before I can send. I'd seen something on facebook, one of his friends asking if he had his house yet, then FOB had deleted it so I asked him about it whilst he was here....he said his mates were moving in together and had asked him but he didn't want to...I knew it was a load of shit but I just smiled and nodded!

Two days later he text me saying he had a house on his own, when he got home from mine he'd had letters saying it'd all been accepted. (I found out yesterday that it'd gone through well before that day!!) So why he lied I don't know? His stepmum said it was supposed to be a "surprise" for me. But I don't give a shit where or who he lives with!!!!!!

So anyway he came again to register her. I was in two minds whether to put him on the BC and I did it in the end. I kind of regret it now but I have a feeling that if I hadn't he would have took me to court - his mum would have forced him too. So he would have gotten his name on there eventually. Was horrible though when the lady said "mum you have 100% rights, do you want to share them with dad?" For a second I nearly said no!!!

Anyway yesterday I got a text off him....."I can't believe Lola is a month old and we haven't discussed money yet! I would like to give you £50 a month as I have bills to pay now. Would you like me to transfer it to your bank or give you the cash each month? Thank you"

FIFTY QUID A MONTH????!!!!!!! As if matey. CSA it is. I reckon I'll get about £30 a month from them.

And as if I haven't tried to talk to him about money!!! And I don't give a shit about his bills!

I've been chatting to his stepmum, she's been lovely, she's very ashamed of the way he is being because truth be told its just not the person that everyone thinks he is. His stepmum said that the CSA used to look at outgoings as well as earnings when working out maintenance (they don't anymore - just earnings) but she thinks that FOBs mum doesn't know this. And apparently the whole family think that FOBs mum forced him to buy the house so that it'd affect his maintenance .... I don't know if thats true but she certainly is very manipulative. He was going to buy a house but its all been very rushed so maybe they're right. They know her better than me, and they all hate her!!!

Anyway....his stepmum is coming to visit today so I may get more gossip!!

Sorry this is long and probably boring ha, feels good to write it all down though! xxx

 

[sweetlullaby]

Awwwk its good to hear from ya !

Sounds a bit bleh for you but hun il only say one thing...its sounds as if you're being walked over a bit be careful coz ul end up unhappy ur Lola's mummy and what you say goes dont let them change things on you

make sure you go through csa...50quid a month pfft better than some offers i suppose but if he has a decent income you'd get more than that

 

[lou_w34]

I was wondering how you were doing!
Shame on his mother if that was her intention... Does she not want her grandchild to have as much as she possibly can??

And well done for putting him on the BC... it sounds like youve been really mature about it, especially since it seems you didnt have much choice about it.

Im glad his step mum is nice though.

Dont let them walk over you! Your her mummy, your doing a fab job!!

xxx

 

[expecting09]

He said he can't believe you haven't talked about money yet, but you was the one trying to talk to him about it right at the start! What a twat. CSA is definatly the way to go, that way he can't get out of not sending the money one month or whatever

 

[suzanne108]

Thanks girlies I hope you are both doing well!! I am checking things from my phone but I can't actually log in from there to reply - I am lurking in the background though

Don't worry I won't be accepting the £50. The CSA calculator gave me a figure of £30 a week when I guessed at his earnings so finger crossed thats what I'll get. I have a feeling he didn't take maintenance into account when sorting out his mortgage and he will struggle to afford everything - more fool him!!

Luckily a lot of his family are on my 'side' so I am keeping in touch with them and I think they would help me if anything dodgy happened. I actually trust FOB not to do anything dodgy off his own back (he doesn't have it in him!!) its his mother I don't trust. I know she has no rights as such but she has a lot of influence over FOB.

xxx

 

[teal]

Glad to see you updating!

I agree sounds best going through the csa That's really bad if it's his mum pushing him and buying a house just because it could mean less money goes to Lola.

Glad a lot of his family are on your side though xx

 

[purpledahlia]

hey! congrats on lola i cant remember if ive said it here or fb... pics are cuute!!

I think he sounds like hes trying to be grown up but hes gonna fall on his face. £50 a month isnt good enough, glad your doing CSA. its so much more reliable and legal and everything.

will check for updates x

 

[suzanne108]

Oops I read my original message back and I said I would get £30 a month from CSA....I meant £30 a week told you I still wasn't with it! xxx

 

[nievesmama]

Aww hun i love the name Lola, its my LOs middle name.
I agree CSA is defiantely the best way to go xx