Happybeans
Active Member
- Joined
- May 2, 2009
- Messages
- 44
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Hiya all
Not posted on here for a few months and mainly because I was so ashamed of how weak I have been when in came my expectants babys dad. I stupidly gave up my accommodation (ok it was only a shared flat) to give him a chance to change not just for me but for the baby and moved in with him yet again. I had just been signed off work on the verge of a breakdown and felt so low. I also felt that I owed the baby one last try to make things work and maybe he really was behaving.
Wot a twat. Right from the start I became the unpaid housekeeper, cook, dog walker etc. As well as me working full time whilst he sat indoors doing fcuk all. I went out and bought new furniture and paid the bills. Within a couple of weeks things were back to how they always were, I was scared to answer him back during arguments and often sat in fear that if I was to push him over the edge and he would end up hurting me and the baby. Thankfully my quietness paid off and I wasnt hit but there were several times he was close and it was horrible. Generally the arguments resulted in me being forced to sleep on the living room floor!!!
He still smoked cannabis everyday which I could put up with but then he started to go out after starting a new job and with his first weeks pay went out on a 28 hour bender of drink cocaine and ectasy.
I knew then that I had to escape. So plucked up the courage to go for help and Ive now been in a womens refuge for under 2 weeks. Luckily I managed to get most of my clothes out before he arrived home, but everything else he destroyed. Including all the new furniture I bought, my tv and even the baby buggy and a few bits that I had bought for our baby.
Unfortunatley because Ive had to get away from him Ive had to give up my job and now Im going to miss out on 6 months full maternity pay and struggle on benefits. Until I can claim income support I am having to survive on £38 per week, that is for food, petrol everything. This also means that I can no longer afford my debt repayments of about £350 a month so Im probably going to have to go bankrupt which I never wanted to do but I have a meeting this Wednesday with citizens advice and I have now adopted the attitude that its not my fault and people cant have what I havent got so I try not to worry about it.
On the plus side of my life my parents are being great. They have accepted my pregnancy and are willing to support and help me as long as I dont get back with him. My relationship with my family has greatly improved and for that I am truly greatful. My mum took me shopping for maternity clothes which was great. And 5 weeks ago I became an aunty and my sister has promised to let me have all her baby stuff that she wont be using anymore which will be a bonus. Unfortunatly the refuge Im in is an hours drive to the area I grew up in and where my family are and on my limited budget I cant visit all the time. I am praying that by the time my babys born at Christmas I will have a home closer to them but I wont hold my breath.
I just hate the thought of being here when the baby is born, were not even allowed visitors because the location needs to be kept secret.
Mum has also made me realise that none of this is my own fault, (apart from the falling pregnant by him, maybe that could have been prevented) It was not my choice to fall in love with a drug taking, violent control freak. And the best thing i can do now is walk away forever. I am really determined to do it this time. No-1 can say i haven't tried to make it work.
Ive not heard from him for almost 10 days now and Im not too bothered. His mum and dad havent been in contact even though I sat down and explained everything to them. His mum even said she could see his point of view of him not wanting to buy anything for the baby or give me any money because I could always meet someone else!!!! Is she for real, its still his child and cant believe that he would allow his child to suffer and go without just incase a year down the line I start a relationship with someone else.
But Im determined to get by and manage and I know the baby wont go without, so what if it has a second hand cot/buggy etc. It wont know any different and as long as everything is clean.
But on the whole Im really looking forward to the babys arrival. And love the fact that I feel him/her kicking away inside me.
Sorry this probably wont all make sence but has given me something to do and Im feeling better for it.
Well anyway, enough ranting just wanted you all to know Im back!!!! Lol.
Not posted on here for a few months and mainly because I was so ashamed of how weak I have been when in came my expectants babys dad. I stupidly gave up my accommodation (ok it was only a shared flat) to give him a chance to change not just for me but for the baby and moved in with him yet again. I had just been signed off work on the verge of a breakdown and felt so low. I also felt that I owed the baby one last try to make things work and maybe he really was behaving.
Wot a twat. Right from the start I became the unpaid housekeeper, cook, dog walker etc. As well as me working full time whilst he sat indoors doing fcuk all. I went out and bought new furniture and paid the bills. Within a couple of weeks things were back to how they always were, I was scared to answer him back during arguments and often sat in fear that if I was to push him over the edge and he would end up hurting me and the baby. Thankfully my quietness paid off and I wasnt hit but there were several times he was close and it was horrible. Generally the arguments resulted in me being forced to sleep on the living room floor!!!
He still smoked cannabis everyday which I could put up with but then he started to go out after starting a new job and with his first weeks pay went out on a 28 hour bender of drink cocaine and ectasy.
I knew then that I had to escape. So plucked up the courage to go for help and Ive now been in a womens refuge for under 2 weeks. Luckily I managed to get most of my clothes out before he arrived home, but everything else he destroyed. Including all the new furniture I bought, my tv and even the baby buggy and a few bits that I had bought for our baby.
Unfortunatley because Ive had to get away from him Ive had to give up my job and now Im going to miss out on 6 months full maternity pay and struggle on benefits. Until I can claim income support I am having to survive on £38 per week, that is for food, petrol everything. This also means that I can no longer afford my debt repayments of about £350 a month so Im probably going to have to go bankrupt which I never wanted to do but I have a meeting this Wednesday with citizens advice and I have now adopted the attitude that its not my fault and people cant have what I havent got so I try not to worry about it.
On the plus side of my life my parents are being great. They have accepted my pregnancy and are willing to support and help me as long as I dont get back with him. My relationship with my family has greatly improved and for that I am truly greatful. My mum took me shopping for maternity clothes which was great. And 5 weeks ago I became an aunty and my sister has promised to let me have all her baby stuff that she wont be using anymore which will be a bonus. Unfortunatly the refuge Im in is an hours drive to the area I grew up in and where my family are and on my limited budget I cant visit all the time. I am praying that by the time my babys born at Christmas I will have a home closer to them but I wont hold my breath.
I just hate the thought of being here when the baby is born, were not even allowed visitors because the location needs to be kept secret.
Mum has also made me realise that none of this is my own fault, (apart from the falling pregnant by him, maybe that could have been prevented) It was not my choice to fall in love with a drug taking, violent control freak. And the best thing i can do now is walk away forever. I am really determined to do it this time. No-1 can say i haven't tried to make it work.
Ive not heard from him for almost 10 days now and Im not too bothered. His mum and dad havent been in contact even though I sat down and explained everything to them. His mum even said she could see his point of view of him not wanting to buy anything for the baby or give me any money because I could always meet someone else!!!! Is she for real, its still his child and cant believe that he would allow his child to suffer and go without just incase a year down the line I start a relationship with someone else.
But Im determined to get by and manage and I know the baby wont go without, so what if it has a second hand cot/buggy etc. It wont know any different and as long as everything is clean.
But on the whole Im really looking forward to the babys arrival. And love the fact that I feel him/her kicking away inside me.
Sorry this probably wont all make sence but has given me something to do and Im feeling better for it.
Well anyway, enough ranting just wanted you all to know Im back!!!! Lol.
