Upset and maybe just hormones, but considering giving my baby up...

[drudai]

Let me start by saying that I'm actually very happy being pregnant, and we weren't preventing getting pregnant but we also weren't trying.

But over the last couple of weeks, my OH has become extremely cold. Valentine's Day he didn't even want to get me anything, until he came by to see me at work and found me crying to a co-worker. He had chocolates waiting for me the evening.

But more so lately, he accuses me of cheating on him, demanding a paternity test as soon as the baby is born, and just paying child support. Anything to really get away.



I don't think of this baby as mine, but as our baby that we made and are supposed to love. But yesterday he was ready to walk out and be done with me.

When we first met, I thought we were on the same page of our feelings, but now he says it was all just sexual desire, and that he regrets being with me and moving in together.

He made me admit to being the one who pushed us too fast, or else he would have left yesterday morning.
My truck was getting out of the shop, and his father was paying for the $800 bill, and he told me I owe him $300 for it. After I paid the bills when he quit his job last month.

I'm so alone in all this, I've already packed his things at the door, I'm so upset.

And for the past few days I've been thinking I'll give it up for adoption. A lot of my friends are TTC but, I couldn't bare having the baby in such close proximity. I'd want it to go to a well off couple who can't conceive for infertility issues.



And now I'm just so confused. Any words of advice?

 

[ipen44]

Sorry you are having such a hard time. I am in the opposite side waiting for a child to adopt .

It sounds like you need to separate the decisions about your relationship from your decisions about your baby. My sister had a baby 18 months ago and I know the hormones do play some evil tricks on you so take your time.

I would recommend a counselor to help you with your relationship decisions. Once you get those resolved, then you can move forward making decisions. It seems a little pre-mature to think adoption while you are still hurting from what is happening with your OH. I do know that adoption agencies have counselors that help you sort things out.

Are you in the U.S. or another country? I am sure the resources vary by country.From what I understand, our agency does make a good effort to help you decide whether you want to parent or are not able to right now (obviously not from personal experience). I can give you more info if you would like it. There are also plenty of resources that are not directly tied to adoption. You may feel more comfortable with one of those.

 

[Smashley25]

I'm sorry you're in a such a difficult place right now. I hope things turn around for you and OH comes to his senses.

I agree with ipen. I'd look to see if there is someone in your area who has experience in counseling people who are considering adoption. I'd probably refrain from talking to an adoption agency or attorney right now because while I'm sure some do a good job of helping you decide if this is the right decision, more will probably be interested in trying to push you towards adoption since that's what they're in business to do.

I hope things become more clear and work themselves out for the best.

 

[tay_913]

I agree with the other posters. Take some time to think about your decision. I am also on the other side. My husband and I are looking towards adoption due to infertility. We had an expectant mom contact us 3 weeks ago and then changed her mind at the last minute. We were heartbroken so if you choose adoption, make sure it's for the right reasons and that you are firm in your decision.

Good luck hun and I hope you can work things out with your OH.

 

[drudai]

Thanks, guys.

It was a rough night but I really shocked his senses when he came home to finding his tiny amount of possessions by the door. He kind of realised everything I did for him, and apologised for asking me to pay $300.

We talked long and hard about all the regrets and he felt pretty bad for saying such things. It was because of a financial fight that caused a chain reaction of everything on his mind to come out.

Either way, I am happy to have everything calm again. But adoption is still in the back of my mind. I know I can raise this baby WITH him, but without... I just couldn't handle it. Being a single mom just isn't what I want.

I think it sounds really horrible when I say something like that, because I love my little beanie baby. But s/he would deserve better.

 

[Smashley25]

I'm glad you guys worked things out. .

 

[jaxxx]

I am a birthmother, I placed my child for adoption in april 2006. If you ever need support or someone to talk to about what you are going through please FEEL free to message me with any questions or concerns.

When I placed my daughter i was in the same position - on the fence, its something you really truly need to think about.

If you are wanting to do adoption i would highly suggest you talk to a birth mother, someone who has gone through this and not talk to an agency at first.

Good luck to you!

 

[noshowjo]

oh hunny please to not jump into anything ,
adoption is such a massive thing.
im so glad you and hubby are working things out but even if you dont , your baby you will love unconditionaly . and there are so many single mums who do amazing jobs .
of course this is your decision but unfortunatly relations dont always last . and i know of kids going to new mums and dads and then their relationship has broken down and the cchild ends up with just one parent caring for them anyway .
so i hope this has come accross ok but really think hard hun , xx
and feel free to message me if you want to chat xxxxx

 

[MommytoAudrey]

I just went through the adoption process... my baby girl was born on may 31st 2013. I had already picked out the most amazing adoptive parents for her. the day after she was born they came in and we all spent the next few days bonding with her and each other. but when the time came to sign papers and leave the hospital and let them put my little girl in their car and drive the other direction... it was the hardest choices I ever had to make. even though it was the right thing, because I have nothing I can give her or do for her, I became so close to her in such a short amount of time. I am still hurting from all of it and I miss my baby terribly. The adoptive parents and I have whats called an open adoption. there are different kinds of open adoptions, in this one I receive emails and pictures and updates about my daughter, but at my own choice I will have no direct contact with her until she is of an age where she can decide if she wants me in her life or not. I want all of that to be up to her. In short... I will not see my baby again until she is atleast 16 but more likely when she is grown herself.

Adoption is a very huge and difficult decision to make. forget a bad behaving man and how he makes you feel. the moment you have your baby the motherly feelings will go into over drive. you cant imagine how hard it is to say good bye to your child, even if it is whats best for everyone. really think about how you feel about it and what you truly can do and what you want for your child. s/he is what is most important. not some guy. if you decide that adoption is what is best for you and your baby then go ahead, do your research and find what will work best for you. but just make sure that it is truly what you want. It is very hard and you can't go back once the papers are signed and your baby is gone to another family.