upset, annoyed and need to rant.

[Googiepie]

My toddler is 20 months old and is not speaking yet. We've talking to her and reading to her since she was an infant. I took her to the doctors and was referred to get her hearing checked as well to get an autism assessment. She throws tantrums...a lot. I think mainly due to not being able to communicate with us when she wants something. Tonight we were having a BBQ at my parents' house and of course, Mia had a tantrum. She wanted something but nobody could figure out what. My mom started saying how she was embarrassed and what are her neighbors gonna think because Mia was crying. So, I took Mia inside to calm her down. I turned on some cartoons and gave her some water, it's really hot outside. Basically everybody was outside talking how it's annoying to listen to her and they're embarrassed of their neighbors. It really hurt, maybe I'm overreacting since I feel so bad and am so worried that she's not talking yet that I take it so harsh. Needless to say, we stayed inside for a bit and then left. I'm just so annoyed. It feels good to write it down.

 

[lcmorla]

Damn, that's awful! I'm sorry

 

[Button#]

That must have been upsetting. Your mums neighbours probably didn't even take any notice and all toddlers have tantrums. I'm pretty sure you're right about her tantrums being due to her not being able to communicate what she wants. My 3 year old will tantrum if we can't understand something he's said or if we mishear him. If it's any comfort to you my friends LO didn't say a word until he was two and went very quickly to speaking full sentences. By the time he was 3 he had the speech level of a 4 year old. Hopefully yours is just waiting until she's fully mastered speaking before sharing it with the world.

 

[confused87com]

My son talked really early considering he was prem. My daughter is faster in other areas but not talking. She would throw the biggest strops. Suddenly she has started talking and in sentences! The strops are subsiding. ..my daughter is 2 and half now.

 

[Googiepie]

I really do think it's the fact that she can't communicate with us as it seems the tantrums happen always when she wants something. I feel so horrible sometime not being able to give her what she wants even though I try SO hard to figure out what she's trying to "say".

 

[Button#]

Try not to beat yourself up about it, even those who can talk at that age have trouble getting across what they want and tantrum over it. My DS had a tantrum that lasted over an hour and it turned out he wanted a box lid that was under the sofa, we didn't have a clue. I could probably think of plenty of other examples.

 

[ElizabethK_]

So sorry you had to feel that way!

A crying baby/ child/ toddler is something normal. All of them do it! If it embarrasses people that's their problem. You never feel guilty about it.

I have a very grumpy baby right now due to teething and she cries when we're out. I don't care. If people don't like it they can walk away.

 

[annanouska]

She's still pretty young to be honest. The tantrums will improve as she gets older and can communicate. Sign is fantastic as are pictur cards or pecs but depends if she is ready to try those things yet.

I do really feel for you as I've been there, my son was so so violent with it too. At 2.5 he still only had 5/10 words. He is 3 next week and a lot better but still not as u would expect. My son does have additional needs but has made huge progress.

Do be a little careful with the young autism screening as things do change very quickly. At 26 months it was ultimately agreed my son has autism and to be fair it was very obvious...Now at 36 they are wondering if it is autism or not as his difficulty has evolved and differ. My son did get the right support and intervention and that is by far the most important than an early diagnosis. I was so excited for speech therapy but he had to learn patience and waiting befor it rally started to be anything constructive.

Xx

 

[hanni]

Is your mum serious?! Who gives a hoot what the neighbours think. She should be proud of her granddaughter no matter what she's doing. Do people forget that they were once toddlers throwing tantrums themselves?!

If that was my mum she'd have been even more embarrassed because I'd hate went off it and really made a show for the neighbours!

 

[sethsmummy]

good lord hun big hugs they should be more concerned about their grandaughter!!

it takes a long long time to get some people to understand things tell them how it is next time. your daughter cant help it .. its extremely common for children who have a speech delay (slight or major) to tantrum when they cannot communicate properly xx

 

[minties]

Wow - your family were horrible to you. She is ONLY 20 months old! Do people forget that toddlers have tantrums??? It is 100% normal. The part of their brain that deals with regulating emotions is not fully developed and this is how they express anger or frustration.

My daughter is a great talker but still has a good couple of tanrums a day. My son still has the odd one.

My son wasn't talking at 20 months but caught right up by 25 months when he had his 2 year check. Sentences and all.

 

[_jellybean_]

Wow...I'd be upset too. They should be ASHAMED of themselves for treating you and you daughter like that.

Does your daughter understand you?

That's great that you're going to get her hearing checked, and that you're going to get her screened.

Does she have any words?

Dh and I were concerned about my son's speech and then at 24 months exactly he had a language explosion.

 

[gigglebox]

Reading about you mom's reaction makes me absolutely livid...she puts the neighbors above her family on the priority list and that's just not OK. Kids cry. They yell. They are easily frustrated. Don't be put off by your Mom. You are doing great.

Hope the screening goes well

 

[Perplexed]

That's so frustrating- the way your family treated you and your daughter. Toddlers have tantrums, it's very normal.

 

[Bella1185]

Agree with button# - DD can talk (somewhat!) and still gets frustrated when we don't know EXACTLY what she means! Today she threw a huge tantrum because we didn't know she randomly wanted us to take off the dogs collar (????).

Agree with all the other ladies too - your mom should be sorry for what she's said and it's totally normal for toddlers to have tantrums! She's only 20 months for goodness sake - what do they want her to do, recite Shakespeare!?

Does she say any words? Do you tend to fill things in for her? For example - she points at her cup and you say "oh you want your cup?" because I've found dd talks less when we assume her words for her.

Either way I'm sorry you've dealt with this! Try to take it day by day and please do tell all the people who are worried about the neighbors to go fly a kite.

 

[Menelly]

My two oldest are Autistic, my baby is only 4 months so we have no clue on him yet. I've done communication delays. Have you considered teaching her sign language? I know a lot of Autistics who can't speak (at all or some of the time) who can sign with no problems. It's totally different parts of the brain.

Signing Time is on Netflix, and is a great resource. And my daughter loves them. It's worth trying!