Urghh think I'll be staying away from first tri section

[daopdesign]

I haven't really wanted to venture into that section anyway but I thought I'd have a quick look and now I have I certainly won't be visiting again.

There was a post that caught my eye which basically said that all pregnant ladies need to stop worrying about having a m/c, you'll be fine, there's nothing to worry about. OK, that's all very well for those ladies that have never experienced a loss.

I appreciate that there are some ladies who have had early m/c but surely I'm not the only one that thinks a mid to late term loss is a bit different seeing as we had to deliver out babies.

I'm not trying to be negative but I'm sure theres a few of you that can see my point of view?

 

[CelticStar]

If it's the same post that I read then the writer of it has had six m/c herself, it was a post aimed at trying to get ladies to enjoy being pregnant rather than a "suck it up" thread.

And yes, I do know what it's like to lose a baby, I m/c myself at around 14 weeks a few years ago.

 

[daopdesign]

I just think it's a bit offensive especially when you have quite a few threads in that section from ladies worrying because they have already experineced a loss and then there's some that announce they have just m/c. I know there's a section dedicated to this but I think it's a bit unfair to shove the feelings of some woman aside.

 

[CelticStar]

If you read the post again I think you'll see that she's not shoving anyone's feelings to one side, she was merely making a point about how people should relax (which she says is easier said than done) and enjoy being pregnant.

I think that the OP would more than understand what it's like to m/c as she's had six herself.

Maybe you're reading too much into it or taking it too personally?

Congratulations on being pregnant and I'll be praying it's a sticky bean for you

 

[daopdesign]

No I'm not taking it personally, I just found it a bit odd that that post was posted and then underneath that you have all these threads about someone having a m/c, worrying, scared etc etc. I know this kind of thing can do other people's heads in but like I said, it's a sad reality that they do happen.

I have to admit that it wasn't until I had my 2nd tri loss until I realised just what it's like. I'm not worrying, I've learnt that what will be will be! x

 

[CelticStar]

I agree, it is a sad reality that it happens, I'm someone who likes to live life without thinking about the "what if's" though, for instance, it's a sad reality that people get knocked down crossing the road but I don't live in fear of crossing the road (I know it's a crappy example but am currently having a brain fart and couldn't think of anything else!)

I'm sorry, I've just sat here and tried to think how else I can word my post so that it doesn't sound as if I'm being argumentative and I really can't find some other way to word it.

I have a feeling that the OP of that thread is like me, it's not that she doesn't care, it's just that with life, it's a case of what will be, will be.

I currently have doubts as to whether I will get pregnant again (ttc) because I'm wondering if I didn't care enough when I had my m/c (long story, I didn't know I was pregnant, it might even be the time for me to talk about what happened) but you know what? If Allah/God doesn't think it's time for me to be pregnant, then so be it. I've got plenty of nephews, nieces, great nieces and a great nephew to shower with love.

Actually, reading back through the above paragraph, I'm not sure whether it's relevant, I'll leave it in for now but if you tell me it's not then I'll edit and delete it.

I'm really not trying to be argumentative, I'm just trying to say there's two ways of looking at that thread

 

[CelticStar]

Just realised that you also said "what will be, will be"

I'm just going to go off and let this brain fart disappear ok? I'll be back once I've reclaimed my intelligence!

 

[Andypanda6570]

The thing is people think it can never happen to them, but it can and they will never ever ever know our pain and I pray they never do. I have had 3 healthy boys and when i lost Ava i could not believe it, they still can't really tell me why she died, i will never really know. It can happen to anyone any age any race anywhere. I know people who are 20 who loose their babies or 40 or 23 and had a baby with downs when all the test were fine for them, it just happens and it is a part of life. it is easy for other people who never experienced this pain to tell people oh don't worry so much, but you can never tell us that, we will worry till that baby is in our arms. i know what you mean, we are not supposed to worry but how can we not. i think and it's only my opinion that people who have never experienced a loss really should not give advice on it. Just say i am sorry and be a friend, just like I don't know what it is to never not be able to carry a child, can I tell that mother I know how she feels? No , cause I have carried a child so i will never know her pain of not being able to, we all have our pain and I just think we should be there for each other but not give advice on how one should not feel or how one should feel if they have never been through this. I would rather you just be my friend .. JMO...xoxoxoxoox

 

[daopdesign]

The thing is people think it can never happen to them, but it can and they will never ever ever know our pain and I pray they never do. I have had 3 healthy boys and when i lost Ava i could not believe it, they still can't really tell me why she died, i will never really know. It can happen to anyone any age any race anywhere. I know people who are 20 who loose their babies or 40 or 23 and had a baby with downs when all the test were fine for them, it just happens and it is a part of life. it is easy for other people who never experienced this pain to tell people oh don't worry so much, but you can never tell us that, we will worry till that baby is in our arms. i know what you mean, we are not supposed to worry but how can we not. i think and it's only my opinion that people who have never experienced a loss really should not give advice on it. Just say i am sorry and be a friend, just like I don't know what it is to never not be able to carry a child, can I tell that mother I know how she feels? No , cause I have carried a child so i will never know her pain of not being able to, we all have our pain and I just think we should be there for each other but not give advice on how one should not feel or how one should feel if they have never been through this. I would rather you just be my friend .. JMO...xoxoxoxoox

Thanks hun, you put it into words much better than I did xxx

 

[daopdesign]

Just realised that you also said "what will be, will be"

I'm just going to go off and let this brain fart disappear ok? I'll be back once I've reclaimed my intelligence!

haha it's alright hun, I don't think you're being argumentative at all. Every is allowed their opinion x

 

[yazoo]

AndyPanda, I completely agree with you. Anyone who has experienced a loss (especially a late one) IMO will always worry. Yes maybe we should not worry, maybe we should relax and have the opinion of what will be will be but that is easier said than done and in reality I don't think there are many women, or men for that matter who will not worry about the next pregnancy. The thought of losing the baby will always be in the back of your mind. I personally will not relax until I have a little rainbow baby in my arms.

 

[MaevesMummy]

Just realised that you also said "what will be, will be"

I'm just going to go off and let this brain fart disappear ok? I'll be back once I've reclaimed my intelligence!

sorry that post made me giggle.
I have experienced early loss, loss at 21 wks 5 days, and i hope you just dont mind me saying, just had my rainbow,
I kind of appreciate whats tried to be said here. hard to explain, while i was so so so worried about early loss, then late loss and then still birth ( i had iugr and blood flow issues) I really did TRY to be positive as much as possible and enjoy the tiny life inside me. my main theory was enjoy it while i have it as it could all be taken away... sorry for the crappy ramble xxxxx

 

[SarahJane]

OK here's my call on this. I agree with both points of view!!

From a perspective of a mum who has never suffered a 2nd tri loss, it is a good thing to be positive. It is good to see that statistics prove that miscarriage is unlikely. It is right not to worry as the reality is that M/C doesn't happen to everyone.

From my perspective on the other hand, a mum who delivered a baby who had died after a 7 and a half hour labour(plus 2 early losses), the statistics hurt. I mean they REALLY hurt. What the stats say to me is that I am a minority, I am one of the "unlucky ones" who people feel sorry for. I am the 0.5%. It is bad enough to be known in real life as "that poor girl who lost her baby" but to also see it on a forum hurts like hell.

It is true that people shouldn't worry, the reality is that after 12 weeks I didn't worry at all with Evelyn. But the sad truth is that it DOES happen to 0.5% or 1 in 200 people and we are in that statistic. It is that which hurts me as I will never ever be able to relax in pregnancy again.

Having said all of that, I do not begrudge anyone the right to relax and be happy in pregnancy. I don't want another person on Earth to feel the way I do on a daily basis. If a positive thread makes one more person relaxed then let them have it but i will avoid at all costs when I am pregnant

Hugs and congrats to all of the mum to be's - I hope you have a very uneventful and healthy 9 months xxxx

 

[ms.hope]

It depends on how you interpret things.

 

[CelticStar]

Just realised that you also said "what will be, will be"

I'm just going to go off and let this brain fart disappear ok? I'll be back once I've reclaimed my intelligence!

sorry that post made me giggle.
I have experienced early loss, loss at 21 wks 5 days, and i hope you just dont mind me saying, just had my rainbow,
I kind of appreciate whats tried to be said here. hard to explain, while i was so so so worried about early loss, then late loss and then still birth ( i had iugr and blood flow issues) I really did TRY to be positive as much as possible and enjoy the tiny life inside me. my main theory was enjoy it while i have it as it could all be taken away... sorry for the crappy ramble xxxxx

I have brain farts on a regular basis....I think someone stole my brain cell

What you say about enjoying it because it could all be taken away also makes sense, I posted today about my m/c five years ago, it was the last time I was pregnant and I hadn't ttc after it until two months ago.
Slightly different for me in that I didn't know I was pregnant when I m/c'd but the same in that I am left with worries now.
I found out today that I'm pregnant again (I'm sorry, I won't go on about it)
and while I will still have those worries until after the date I m/c'd last time (14 weeks) I am not going to let those worries spoil my enjoyment of this pregnancy or stress me out so much that I can't look back on the days before 14 weeks and remember them with happiness.

That's just me though

 

[Andypanda6570]

Just realised that you also said "what will be, will be"

I'm just going to go off and let this brain fart disappear ok? I'll be back once I've reclaimed my intelligence!

sorry that post made me giggle.
I have experienced early loss, loss at 21 wks 5 days, and i hope you just dont mind me saying, just had my rainbow,
I kind of appreciate whats tried to be said here. hard to explain, while i was so so so worried about early loss, then late loss and then still birth ( i had iugr and blood flow issues) I really did TRY to be positive as much as possible and enjoy the tiny life inside me. my main theory was enjoy it while i have it as it could all be taken away... sorry for the crappy ramble xxxxx

I have brain farts on a regular basis....I think someone stole my brain cell

What you say about enjoying it because it could all be taken away also makes sense, I posted today about my m/c five years ago, it was the last time I was pregnant and I hadn't ttc after it until two months ago.
Slightly different for me in that I didn't know I was pregnant when I m/c'd but the same in that I am left with worries now.
I found out today that I'm pregnant again (I'm sorry, I won't go on about it)
and while I will still have those worries until after the date I m/c'd last time (14 weeks) I am not going to let those worries spoil my enjoyment of this pregnancy or stress me out so much that I can't look back on the days before 14 weeks and remember them with happiness.

That's just me though

I am Soooooooo happy for you, congratulations!!!!!! I wish you all the best... XOXOOXOOXOOX

 

[CelticStar]

Thank you, I don't want to make a fuss on here though, it's not the right place in my eyes

 

[Nikki_d72]

OK here's my call on this. I agree with both points of view!!

From a perspective of a mum who has never suffered a 2nd tri loss, it is a good thing to be positive. It is good to see that statistics prove that miscarriage is unlikely. It is right not to worry as the reality is that M/C doesn't happen to everyone.

From my perspective on the other hand, a mum who delivered a baby who had died after a 7 and a half hour labour(plus 2 early losses), the statistics hurt. I mean they REALLY hurt. What the stats say to me is that I am a minority, I am one of the "unlucky ones" who people feel sorry for. I am the 0.5%. It is bad enough to be known in real life as "that poor girl who lost her baby" but to also see it on a forum hurts like hell.

It is true that people shouldn't worry, the reality is that after 12 weeks I didn't worry at all with Evelyn. But the sad truth is that it DOES happen to 0.5% or 1 in 200 people and we are in that statistic. It is that which hurts me as I will never ever be able to relax in pregnancy again.

Having said all of that, I do not begrudge anyone the right to relax and be happy in pregnancy. I don't want another person on Earth to feel the way I do on a daily basis. If a positive thread makes one more person relaxed then let them have it but i will avoid at all costs when I am pregnant

Hugs and congrats to all of the mum to be's - I hope you have a very uneventful and healthy 9 months xxxx

This is how I feel too - I've been at the end of some really tiny statistics. I was originally planning on homebirthing (before I knew for certain it was twins, I wouldn't have taken it that far) and we live about 4 hours from the main hospital, but I'd worked out that the risk of rupture (I'd have been VBAC-ing)
was less than 1%, the rate of cord prolapse was less than 2% and blah blah. I'd been throwing these statistics around and I feel really foolish and humbled now because the rate of pPROM is about 0.7% but it happened. To me. I was talking to my MW recently and telling her that I wouldn't have the confidence to HB now, not up here anyway - thinking about cord prolapse and suchlike and she said "it's very rare you know" and I just said "so was this". It's a shame, it's destroyed my faith in everything.

I think it's just best to stay away from the main boards, there are too many things that will upset you. Best we leave them to their innocence, lucky them. xxx

 

[Hellylou]

I know what you mean about statistics. They are pretty meaningless when you are one of the small percentage it happens to, as we all are.

After my loss I had to go back in for the D & E and they had to talk me through the 'risks' associated with the procedure, including a 1% chance of perforating my uterus. They seemed to think I would be comforted by such a small statistic, without realising that I had already beaten pretty crappy odds by losing a baby at 16 weeks! I am hardly going to look at 1% and feel better...

 

[SarahJane]

Thank you, I don't want to make a fuss on here though, it's not the right place in my eyes

There isn't a single angel mummy on earth that won't be jumping for joy with you hun, rainbow news is always heartwarming. Enjoy every minute and I really hope you have no problems at all and a healthy bundle in 36 weeks time or so. Massive congratulations

I am also so sorry about your loss (Meant to say that yesterday so apologies)