Urrrghh stress! need to vent

[ajsmummy86]

Just need to vent! A lot has gone on this pregnancy between me and the babys dad which has basically ended up with horrible things being said on both sides and me not moving in with him. Anyways we have sort of sorted things out and are back together but not living together, he lives 100 miles away but once baby is born we are hoping to get a house and live together. He doesn't get on with my mum anymore because he blames her for me not going back saying that she shouldn't have had an opinion and kept her nose out, my argument is though that if a mum sees a child of hers upset shes going to have an opinion. She banned him from her house for a while because she thought it would be unfair to have a bad atmosphere around my other two boys and it would be best to let everyone calm down first, i agreed. The babys dad hasn't been over for scans or midwifes appointments and at first was saying he didn't want anything to do with the baby so my mum has been there for me throughout the whole thing. When i was talking to the dad lastnight and told him that my mum was going to be at the birth too he totally flipped out saying he didnt want her there he didnt want to see her and stuff. Now im stuck and dont know what to do, i want them both there but he just wont have any of it 2 weeks off giving birth and he's making things awkward for me how am i supposed to tell my mum who has been there for me that she cant be at the birth. I think he's being unfair, my mum is willing to draw a line under it all and start again for the sake of the kids i dont understand why he can't. sorry for the long message i'm just so mad and needed to vent x

 

[justhoping]

Just need to vent! A lot has gone on this pregnancy between me and the babys dad which has basically ended up with horrible things being said on both sides and me not moving in with him. Anyways we have sort of sorted things out and are back together but not living together, he lives 100 miles away but once baby is born we are hoping to get a house and live together. He doesn't get on with my mum anymore because he blames her for me not going back saying that she shouldn't have had an opinion and kept her nose out, my argument is though that if a mum sees a child of hers upset shes going to have an opinion. She banned him from her house for a while because she thought it would be unfair to have a bad atmosphere around my other two boys and it would be best to let everyone calm down first, i agreed. The babys dad hasn't been over for scans or midwifes appointments and at first was saying he didn't want anything to do with the baby so my mum has been there for me throughout the whole thing. When i was talking to the dad lastnight and told him that my mum was going to be at the birth too he totally flipped out saying he didnt want her there he didnt want to see her and stuff. Now im stuck and dont know what to do, i want them both there but he just wont have any of it 2 weeks off giving birth and he's making things awkward for me how am i supposed to tell my mum who has been there for me that she cant be at the birth. I think he's being unfair, my mum is willing to draw a line under it all and start again for the sake of the kids i dont understand why he can't. sorry for the long message i'm just so mad and needed to vent x

He is wrong, and pig headed...I can see how is pride is hurt but he has to see that your mom has been helping you out in a really hard time in your life...
and he has not lifted a finger..
he could have come to SOMETHING but he hasnt and that was HIS fault..not your moms....

i wouldnt buy any house with him until he proves himself a bit....just to be sure....
as for the delivery room..i know its his baby, but your mom has been your rock...and support and its not right for him to take that away from you..expecially when she is ready to clear the slate with him....he should be ready to put an olive branch out as well....i mean she has been helping with HIS baby,...he should be thankful for that.....not punishing her or you......

im sorry he is making you chose...it shouldnt be a choice..you love them both and he should see this, not make it difficult....

 

[Mum2BKW]

Totally agree with JustHoping - it sounds like he hasn't been there for you at all during this pregnancy (especially not coming to scans, which to me is just plain rude).

I think a face to face conversation with him is the way to go, it sounds like you don't see each other very often and a phonecall isn't really the ideal way to go through this with him. He needs to realise that he wasn't there for you but your Mum was and therefore you need her to be in the delivery room with you. This isn't about him - it's about you and you having the support you need in labour. He needs to stop being selfish and accept the way things are.

 

[AllieM]

Just need to vent! A lot has gone on this pregnancy between me and the babys dad which has basically ended up with horrible things being said on both sides and me not moving in with him. Anyways we have sort of sorted things out and are back together but not living together, he lives 100 miles away but once baby is born we are hoping to get a house and live together. He doesn't get on with my mum anymore because he blames her for me not going back saying that she shouldn't have had an opinion and kept her nose out, my argument is though that if a mum sees a child of hers upset shes going to have an opinion. She banned him from her house for a while because she thought it would be unfair to have a bad atmosphere around my other two boys and it would be best to let everyone calm down first, i agreed. The babys dad hasn't been over for scans or midwifes appointments and at first was saying he didn't want anything to do with the baby so my mum has been there for me throughout the whole thing. When i was talking to the dad lastnight and told him that my mum was going to be at the birth too he totally flipped out saying he didnt want her there he didnt want to see her and stuff. Now im stuck and dont know what to do, i want them both there but he just wont have any of it 2 weeks off giving birth and he's making things awkward for me how am i supposed to tell my mum who has been there for me that she cant be at the birth. I think he's being unfair, my mum is willing to draw a line under it all and start again for the sake of the kids i dont understand why he can't. sorry for the long message i'm just so mad and needed to vent x

He is wrong, and pig headed...I can see how is pride is hurt but he has to see that your mom has been helping you out in a really hard time in your life...
and he has not lifted a finger..L
he could have come to SOMETHING but he hasnt and that was HIS fault..not your moms....

i wouldnt buy any house with him until he proves himself a bit....just to be sure....
as for the delivery room..i know its his baby, but your mom has been your rock...and support and its not right for him to take that away from you..expecially when she is ready to clear the slate with him....he should be ready to put an olive branch out as well....i mean she has been helping with HIS baby,...he should be thankful for that.....not punishing her or you......

im sorry he is making you chose...it shouldnt be a choice..you love them both and he should see this, not make it difficult....

^^^^^ great advice! Spot on! Your man sounds ore like a child. Stick with those who support you, not those that seem to be nothing more than a sperm donor. What an ass! You certainly don't need to be dealing with his childish crap.