Using Hypnobirthing during a traumatic birth - 16.02.11

Jenniflower

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This is my birth story as written to my HypnoBirthing practitioner. I would like to preface this story by saying though I had a traumatic experience I do not want this story to scare any woman into NOT having a natural birth. My story was a one off that would have happened had I planned a home birth or not. I am only sharing this for those who are curious.


Well just to let you know Phoebe was born last week. Feb 16 at 6:36 weighing in at only 7lbs 8oz. Saying things didn't "go to plan" would be an understatement. My waters broke around 4am on Monday with contractions coming 3 every 10 min. And after 62 hours later she was finally here! I managed for about 12 hours at home with some strong contractions but decided after that that I needed to go into hospital as the back contractions were like nothing I could explain. Sadly I was only 2cm before going but they hoped I would be at least 3 by the time I got there and could get an Epi. Once I got to the hospital it seemed they kicked up a notch so that was great but they convinced me to wait a few more hours to be truly in active labour. I took a bath and that seemed to stop everything sadly enough. So the next morning, still at 2 cm, I was sent home. I was excited that maybe my body just needed time to rest and I could still do this at home. My surges were then irregular and totally doable the whole day with my breathing techniques. It was around 10pm that they started on my back again so I called my midwife out so I could use the gas and air in the house. She hung out until around midnight but by that time encouraged me to use my breathing instead of the G&A due to me STILL being only 2cm. I went to bed in the hopes of getting some sleep as I was scheduled in for an induction that morning (being 48 hours past waters breaking) but was woken up at 5am to some extremely strong and instense contractions. So I jumped in the birth pool in the hopes that it would calm them down before going in, in a few hours but all it seemed to do this time was increase them. So we called my midwife who said I should just call the ambulance now to bring me as she really felt the only thing that was going to get things going was a few drips of some pitocin. Nothing else seemed to shift Phoebe down!

So I Was back in the hospital 50 hours after my waters broke and was finally given my Epi around 10:30. Which felt like an eternity. I used my breathing techniques the whole time with Callum encouraging me the whole way but nothing was shifting those back contractions! They were nice enough to wait to push the pitocin until the Epi was ready. It took them ages to put it in though. After 4 attempts she had to get someone to actually help her find where to put it (Must have been the guy in charge of her). I can STILL feel the tickling, sickly feeling of having the tube shoved up inside of me. At one point they hit a nerve somewhere in my leg that sent my entire body in a wave of shock as if I got electrocuted! This was the one and only time Callum started to feel ill at the whole process and had to sit down as he was feeling light headed. An Epi is definitely not something I would take lightly! They said they would check me again at 4:30 but around 2 I was feeling this intense pressure on my bum so they decided to check me then and I was 10cm!! YAY! I was able to get up on my knees and I tried as hard as I could to breath her down. I had many, many moments where all I wanted to do was push and I did. But Callum would help me to get my breathing back in check. I was in so much pain though, the pain still effects me today. I just never imagined the pressure to be that strong.

Apparently this was because of the way she was sitting. My perfectly LOA little girl was now chin up and back to back! Try as I might she was just not coming down. After about 3 hours and the Epi no longer working we decided to go into Theatre to try for forceps and then if that didn't work a c-section. I can't explain the pain and the terror I felt while in the theatre being prepped. I was made to sit on a cold thin bed while having a spinal put in me. The pain became so unbearable at one point that I actually passed out. I would like to think I went so far within myself with HypnoBirthing that it looked as if I passed out, but I honestly don't know.

In the end the forceps did not work so I was given an emergency c-section. While they were in there they found a tear near my cervix that seemed to extend quite far so I was then put under and was in the theatre for the next 2 hours while having my tear be repaired. They said in the end I lost over 3L of blood so I've had quite a hard recovery since.

Well that's the story in a nut shell, Phoebe's doing great other than a a squished up nose and a sore head due to her position in me for so long. I've had to have my moments of mourning not only the loss of this natural birth but any in the future as I've been advised due to my tear that only a planned section around 37-38 weeks would be safe if I were to get pregnant again, which shouldn't even happen for about 2 years. Though I should feel lucky to get pregnant again according to my doctor. After what I went through I don't know if lucky is the word and if it'll ever happen again. I think I would have rather been left without the choice to be honest.
 
Oh jenni. :hugs: It sounds like you coped amazingly through a very difficult time. :hugs:
 
Big :hugs: I hope you are able to enjoy phoebe and things will continue to improve. You did amazingly in a such a difficult situation.

Clare x
 
Big hugs :hugs: as the others have said, it sounds like you did amazingly throughout a really tough situation :hugs:
 
Ohh Jenni I've been looking out for a post from you... I'm sorry that things happened the way they did :hugs: I've missed you around the forums. Take your time recovering and enjoy your beautiful little girl xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
oh Jenni, you did so well! :hugs: I hope you're feeling better and are enjoying your time as a new mum.
 
Congratulations on the birth of you daughter, I'm sorry you had a difficult time, there's not much I can say but I hope that you can one day feel positive about your birth, you did an amazing job growing your beautiful girl. I hope you have a quick recovery:hugs:
 
Thank you Jenni, like I've said to you before it's ok to grieve and you don't have to just be grateful that you have a healthy baby - sometimes it is not enough not right now any way.

You WILL heal physically and emotionally and it will take time. BUT remember as time passes more and more of the time you will feel better and more positive.

Your story won't change but your outlook on it will. I cannot pretend that my story is the same as yours it is not (I still haven't posted it here in full - maybe one day I will) but I can sympathize with any feelings of loss, grief and failure you have right now and trust me they will fade eventually.

I have tried to make my experience worth while to others like you already have by sharing. I cannot make myself feel positive about what happened to me and Dewi but I can help other ladies get the information they need to survive difficult times.

Stay well Jenni and we'll miss you while you're away from us - don't forget to drop by every now and then hun.
 
congrats on ur daughter, sorry ur birth didnt turn out how u wanted xx
 
Thanks for posting this Jenni, I think anyone would feel traumatised by what happened during your birth, but you have not failed in any way. I hope your beautiful little girl helps you through this x
 
:hugs:

not sure what to say...
so sorry you had to go through something so traumatic.
those things can really affect a woman physically and emotionally.
I hope you are coping well and I wish you a speedy recovery!
I'm sure your daughter is just precious!
 
I wish I could say something, anything, that could help you to feel slightly better but everything I write sounds so trite and contrived.

You are an amazing lady, and obviously have a lot of inner strength which I hope helps you during the time you need to recover and process what happened.

xx
 
I'm so sorry things didn't go as planned but the important thing is you and your LO are safe and well xx
 
Hi Jenni. Congratulations!!!! I'm so glad that you and our LO are ok after your traumatic labour. As you know, I didn't get the natural birth I had envisaged either, so I understand how you feel in that respect at least.

I found really wrapping myself up entirely in my LO helped a lot and the feelings of loss and trauma have faded every day. Talking it all through with various people has been very therapeutic too - people have been very understanding, yourself included.

It sounds like you did amazingly well. Perhaps try not to think about possible future pregnancies at this stage - you have a lot to process and your feelings will change hugely over time. At least if you do decide in the future that you want to try again, you'll have more accurate expectations of your delivery and can plan and make choices about how you want the c-section to be to some degree.

Enjoy your LO and heal quickly xxx
 
Hi Jenni. Congratulations!!!! I'm so glad that you and our LO are ok after your traumatic labour. As you know, I didn't get the natural birth I had envisaged either, so I understand how you feel in that respect at least.

I found really wrapping myself up entirely in my LO helped a lot and the feelings of loss and trauma have faded every day. Talking it all through with various people has been very therapeutic too - people have been very understanding, yourself included.

It sounds like you did amazingly well. Perhaps try not to think about possible future pregnancies at this stage - you have a lot to process and your feelings will change hugely over time. At least if you do decide in the future that you want to try again, you'll have more accurate expectations of your delivery and can plan and make choices about how you want the c-section to be to some degree.

Enjoy your LO and heal quickly xxx
:hugs:
 
Oh jenni I don't know what to say! I'm so glad that your little girl arrived safely but what a traumatic journey getting her here. I wish you a really fast recovery and hope that any disappointment & bad memories fade with time. Lots of hugs xx
 
Thanks for sharing your story, Jenni. I am sending you lots of virtual hugs- please continue to talk and share. Cuddles to your Phoebe. xo
 
Oh jenni that was traumatic. But you done so well to get as far as you did.

You won't forget the details of what happened at the birth but all the feelings towards it will fade if that makes sense.

Take each day and you will honestly start to feel better soon. X
 

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