Utterly Appauled!

[Gabi]

I can't believe some people. I read all about people being rude to fellow forum members and it disgusts me. I had it coming didn't I?

Ok this is going to be a long drawn out story so prepare yourselves hehehehe.

On Saturday it was my sister-in-laws Kitchen Tea. Her fiance had his bachelors thing and then afterward they had a combined party for all the young people and naughty gifts. So while the boys went off to do a bit of clay pigeon shooting us ladies found ourselves at my hubby's grans house having a brunch etc.

I knew it was going to be difficult because my DH's cousin was going to be there. Now the story behind her:

When I announced my pregnancy (my last one) she told me that they were also trying. I had my m/c and she announced her pregnancy about 2 weeks after that. At the time I was really sour and I had no time for her. I've avoided her ever since. About 2 weeks after her announcement another cousin announced her pregnancy. It may not be the case but at the time it seemed that they were following my footsteps. So that was 2 cousins I chose to completely avoid at all costs.

Now they were both there and they're both in their 5th month. So they were both showing alot and they had all the aunts tapping their belly's, asking questions. I so badly wanted to announce that I was expecting too but we are waiting till Wednesday.

The one cousin left early. But the other cousin (the one who announced hers first) was there all day. I found a whole new respect for her. She didn't shove her pregnancy in anyones face. She spoke about other things to me. Completely ignoring the fact that she was expecting. The only times she brought it up was when I asked about it.

Well all was going well. Until the after party. We arrived there and (ok this is going to get confusing) Her brothers fiance was there. We were all sitting out the back. I was sitting about 3 metres away from her and her brothers fiance. When the fiance announces "So what does it feel like to be the first?"

I couldn't f**king believe the cheek! It's her future sister-in-law that she sees on a weekly basis. You can't tell me that she hadn't discussed that before.
I just heard DH's cousin mutter something along the lines of "I don't think it's appropriate for you to talk about that here." and then change the subject completely.

It's not like she didn't know. The whole family knows about the m/c. We left shortly after that. (like within 2 minutes) I don't know if she realised why we left.

I was so close to tears. Ok that's probably the hormones and the whopping headache I had lol. But geez! A bit more tact please!?


Ok I'm done. To all reading this line I thank you for reading my nonsense.

 

[kelly2903]

got a bit confuzzeled but i got there in the end. some people are so insensitive. dont let her get you down at least his cousin wasnt pushin it in your face.

 

[Gabi]

LMAO!! Sorry bout that. I tend to confuse people alot when I tell stories.

I use my hands alot too..

 

[coccyx]

Think I get the drift, lot of pregnant family members. Why did you avoid your cousins. May sound harsh but other people are entitled to be pregnant, even when you have had aloss. Speaking as someone who had recurrent miscs, I could still be happy for others, they were still entitled to be chuffed at their pregnancy. Of course when I did have my babies they were better than anyone elses!! Good luck with your pregnancy

 

[Lauz_1601]

gosh I cant believe she said that! she mustnt have been thinking about what she was saying as Im sure she didnt say it intentionally to hurt you ? otherwise she must be a very horrible person ? try and brush it off hunny, I know it palys onyuor mind when people say hurtful things, take care xxxx

 

[Gabi]

Think I get the drift, lot of pregnant family members. Why did you avoid your cousins. May sound harsh but other people are entitled to be pregnant, even when you have had aloss. Speaking as someone who had recurrent miscs, I could still be happy for others, they were still entitled to be chuffed at their pregnancy. Of course when I did have my babies they were better than anyone elses!! Good luck with your pregnancy

I only avoided them around the time of my miscarriage. That was the only time I wished to never see them. Of course everyone's entitled to be pregnant. As I've explained in another thread here. After recently going through a m/c some people (ie me) feel robbed and don't exactly know how to handle other people announcing pregnancies.

Unfortunately weeks turned into months... that and the fact that neither of these cousins live close to me.
I kept in touch via email and phonecalls. But I never placed myself in a situation where I would feel comfortable. Well.. at least not until I felt better about it.

 

[tinytoes]

i guess to some people the idea of a msicarriage is that its just one of those things that happens. And then the parenst move on.

She perhaps just saw the big belly and thought that worth (i use that word very lightly) getting excited about?
People forget easily when they're not emotionally involved, maybe it wasnt intentional?

 

[Gabi]

I dunno.

It must likely was unintentional. I don't believe that she's so evil.
It's just that it wasn't the first time she'd seen her. It's her fiances sister. She sees her on a weekly basis. They're always around at each others house having supper or something.

It just confused me as to why she'd choose the day I was sitting within ears reach to say "What does it feel like to be the first?!?"

I'd like to believe that it was accidental. But why? She's had 5 months to ask that question. To ask it in private. She's never been nasty to me. She's never actually mentioned my m/c ever. So I don't believe that she was doing it to hurt me.

As I said... I dunno. It caused me to leave before I said something. It upset me. And I just needed to vent

 

[Samo]

I'm sure the fiance's sister didn't mean it in a rude way? perhaps she was just trying to make conversation in the midst of all the family members and sadly, it was a bit of bad taste.

So sorry you have to go through something like that, especially when you're so yearning for a child of your own. My DH is the eldest of his family and i get a lot of pressure sometimes about "being the first" because DH has a sister just a year younger than we, and a brother who is up and coming through his teens. I don't know why, to some, it's some kind of competition

Congratulations on being preggy now though (i think you said you are, but not ready to tell the family yet?) I am sure everyone will be thrilled to hear you are expecting again...lots of sticky vibes for you!!!

 

[tinytoes]

yes maybe she was just over excited abotu teh babay and wanted to get everyone talking about it?

you vent all you like, it does us no good to keep things bottled!!

It's often hard to work out what i and isnt intentional...especially when we're full of raging hormones! I had to tell me OH's dad to leave me be the other day, as I was working holding a hammer and as I told him - i'm hormonal!!!
I'm putting a lot of things down to hormones right now...
people can be daft.

 

[charlottecco2]

Awww some people are so out of order it makes me so mad. You are lucky you are so calm, since being pregnant I have been very out spoken and would have definately given that little cow a mouthful. Think you handled it the best way possible, you are above that and let people say what that like.
The main thing is you are pregnant again, just try and avoid places where you are put in that situation xxx

 

[Lauz_1601]

you vent away hun, it always helps just to write it down in words.

were always here to listen xxx

 

[leeanne]

Unfortunately, some people lack tact and class! Some people just speak without thinking. So sorry that this happened to you.

 

[Vickie]

Some people just don't think before they speak

 

[Gabi]

Aww thanks everyone

Samo: Yep I am. 10 weeks 5 days.


I've chalked up all my outrageous problems with people and situations to hormones as well.

 

[kelly2903]

Aww thanks everyone

Samo: Yep I am. 10 weeks 5 days.


I've chalked up all my outrageous problems with people and situations to hormones as well.

you preggy you have an excuse he he he he he sometimes we just have to let it slide. my OH has 3 other kids and his kids mum and her family talk amongst them selfs about me and LO and say me and OH will leave the kids out it is so not true. i love his children to bits i have helped bring them up for 6 years and im so glad they let me play a big part in their lifes. so i just try shrug all the nasty things off. F**K what they say.