Very few play dates?

[Skywalker]

I'm 90% sure this is another "problem" I'm having purely as a result of comparing myself to others, but my MIL and FIL asked on a recent visit if I make it a point to have lots of play dates each week for my only child, my two year old. I told them yes, although it's more like few and far between play dates, because I had been spotting and having cramping for over a week and after a trip to the ER and midwife, was told to take it easy and rest as much as possible. This means housework has slipped a little (I'm literally sitting on a pile of clean laundry on my couch as I write this) so I don't necessarily want to invite mothers and their kids to my messy haven, and it's a lot of physical work to get my son and I ready and out the door and go play with other moms and kids. At his age, I can't really let him go off totally by himself and I often end up standing and running a lot after him to keep him safe, etc. he's a toddler! So most days we stay at home, then Daddy comes home and I float alongside them on the pool, etc. On weekends where I have my husband's help, we'll go out in public and/or go visit other kids, go to the library, etc. But that's because my husband can lift my son easily and maneuver him into his car seat, more easily handle if he has a tantrum, can do most of the running after him, etc. My mom had an incompetent cervix (so far, I don't) so she BEGS me to rest and not push myself, but I find it hard to not feel bad when people ask me questions about play dates, get togethers, etc. Since becoming a mom in 2014, I lost my main circle of friends, mainly because I was the first to have kids and our lifestyles/schedules are very different. I have new mom friends but none who are close and none who I'd be comfortable inviting over into my messy house. Are we doing enough for my toddler or is this normal?

 

[Skywalker]

Bump?

 

[Lynzi88]

Your doing more than enough. It's not like Ur at home 24/7. Aslong as Ur son isn't jus sat watching TV all day long I don't c the problem.. Not everyone has hundreds of mom friends to play date with. I understand what u mean about not wanting ppl over because house work isn't up to your usual standard.. I've been the same due to hyperemesis..

 

[Scout]

My daughter has just turned 3 and she's had 2 play dates in her life. It's just not something a lot of people around here do. When we go to the park or soft play (which is occasionally, but definitely not every week) she plays with other kids just fine. She's extremely outgoing and social, so I don't think kids need to be with other kids to learn that bc my kiddo is mostly with adults. It's more common here to have play dates and such when the kids start school and make their own friends. So in my opinion, you are doing just fine.

 

[caz_hills]

I agree with previous posts - you're not neglecting your son, you're just at home with him! We chose some weeks to have a few play dates but some weeks we just enjoy our time together at home. At school we have far more play dates, when he was younger I worked four days so after work it was too late. But it's your choice! Grrrrrr - just try and take it as easy as you can. I try to have play dates less now as the tidying us tires me out so I'm with you!

 

[MummaMoo]

My little girl rarely has play dates as I work 4 days a week. She goes to nursery 1/2 days so it's not like she doesn't have any interaction with other children.
As long as the children have plenty of simulation and interaction then I don't think it's a problem. Sophie has even had days in front of the tv lately because I've been so tired, but we talk about what's happened on the program and she learns something from it.

 

[imaceful]

I've got three kids and this pregnancy has completely taken it out of me. Only one of my children is school age and even she doesn't have play dates that often. She does activities nearly every week (ballet, tap, football etc) so we simply don't have the time! My middle goes to nursery three times a week and my youngest stays with me full time. We all just float around the house, play in the garden, go the park etc. But I will NOT have people in this house lol! It's bad enough cleaning up after my own kids let alone anyone else's. I'm not normally the sort to care what people think but my house looks like a bombs gone off in it most days.

The way I look at it is pretty simple. As long as they are clean, fed and have a smile on their face, you're doing just fine.

Some days I neglect the above principle on myself, but that's a different story lol.

 

[Skywalker]

Thank you all so much for your replies!!!! Made me feel so much better. I interact with my son a ton and we have a younger girl we rent a room to (in her early 20's) who often plays with him, and of course he has Daddy and other adults like grandparents we visit often. In my community there are a TON of moms with young kids who all have pre-existing groups/cliques and it's very intimidating for me to just break into a big group like that, so I feel more relaxed after reading what you've written here, not stressing about it while pregnant and under orders to rest, and just going with the flow. I moved out of my home state years ago and what I wouldn't give to have some of my old friends around who HAVE had kids, because the ones I made when I moved here didn't and still don't have kids. I feel like I can breathe more reading your replies and not feel like I need to go into super social butterfly mode to score daily or weekly play dates - he has his few little buddies he loves that we see ocassionally and of course a little sister on the way so he won't be lonely for long if he is! Thanks again, ladies!!!

 

[Isme]

Goodness. He is two. You're fine. Please don't stress yourself over this while you're pregnant. The comment that you're in-laws made was designed to make you feel guilty, it seems. It's none of their business! Many children are "only children" at the age of 2, and they function just fine until a sibling comes along or they start some sort of primary program. I think this focus on making sure that small children are entertained with organized activities all-the-time is ridiculous. Your son is getting PLENTY of socialization from his mom and dad, and whatever trips out of the house you all are able to make at this point. Please just relax and enjoy the time you have with your little boy before his sibling gets here. You're doing great.

 

[vaniilla]

We rarely did playdates when DS was younger , he went to a childminder and did lots of clubs so I didn't think it was necessary to have frequent playdates. We have family friends with kids who we meet up with every couple of months and that works well for us and god forbid he will have been an 'only' child for close to 6 years when dd comes along.

 

[Enasy]

My son is 20 months old, I have no mum friends and no family near by. I am a stay at home mum so my son sees me, his dad we take him places on the weekends and we try to visit my family once a month where he sees his cousin. That's it, and he is fine. He is a very confident and outgoing little boy as an ex childcare worker I have no worries and have no interest in making friends and hanging out with them just because they have kids