very new,DUE IN 6WEEKS AND RECENTLY SINGLE! help :'(

[xxfluffyxx]

hi,iv just joined this as I feel so sad and alone and cant cope anymore! im not even sure if im posting this correctly or how the system works! im hoping sum1 will be at the other end with advice or even is going through something similar!!.....Im 21 and was with my partner 4years! he is also 21!,In February we found out I was pregnant and wer both shocked but got over it and were happy etc..He was sooo supportive for the 1st 4months as I was really sick.After that though the novelty seemed to ware off! He began going on nights out more and more often with his mates nce colege finished for summer,would tell me its lads only and blow me off,ignore my texts and calls,I would be excluded completely like he resented me for been pregnant or getting tired etc..his friends are really imature and encourage him to "show me whos boss!" and be mean to me! I tried councilling and talking to him and he wouldnt change his ways..ultimatum after ultimatum and he wasnt bothered!! Iv been crying the past 4months with him!!! stressed.com!!! Anyway dont want to bore anyone,3weeks ago during a row he told me its "unfortunate its me carrying his child" that "hes better than me" and "im not wanted" he taunted layghed at my tears and called me horrid names! then hurt my wrist..(badly) (long story) anyway I gave him a couple of days,explained what had happened was serious and we needed to talk and he ignored me saying he was "too tired from work" which was a lie because he went on a mad night out and didnt go home! after not hearing from him and his careless attitude i was advised to report what had happened to the police,which I did.I didnt contact him and heard nothing either! NOT EVEN THE DAY I TURNED 21!! ( that really hurt! have been very sick(ear infection,vommiting,headaches and now they are keeping a close eye in me due to protein in my urine!) im on antibiotics eardrops and solphidine 2!!! I feel like crap! I dont know what to do...last thur he texted me saying he was going away for a week if i "need him" to text him and that it "dusnt matter abou me anymore since we are broken up and he has nothing to be sorry for" WHAT THE HELL!! I was so mad and upset at the same time I just told him he was an excuse for a man,that I wanted nothing bought by him and a text to make him feel better before he goes away wasnt good enough after all he put me thru!!! im DEVASTETED!! the last nearly 3weeks have been spent sobbing in my room or in the doctors! Iv joined councilling but feel so lost and lonely! I thought mayb hes just scared and young and it is only hitting him now hes going to be a daddy! im constantly checking my phone and havent heard a thing! 4YEARS!!! I love this guy and wish he would copp on!!! IS THERE NE1 OUT THERE??

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Hi hun,

I am 24 and FOB is 20, 21 in Sept. He acts just like your FOB. I think it's an age thing unfortunately. They get all excited in the beginning but lose interest until they physically have the baby there. Because you are sick and not up for going out drinking etc right now he sees that as "change" and men don't like change. That aside, there is no excuse for his behaviour.

He will either come round or he won't, but you can't beat yourself up about it and risk your health by running after this man and punishing yourself for his disgusting behaviour. You and your baby deserve better.

Leave him be, let him come to you. If he doesn't come running, then he was never worth it, as heartbreaking as that is to deal with, but you will move on. x

 

[LittleMadam]

I agree with WhiteGeisha. Let him do the running.

And don't let him treat you like crap anymore. Don't call him, don't text him, just move on. After all he has put you through I'd wash my hands off him and then go after him for child support. If he wants to be a dad to your baby, great! But if not, screw him and just focus on yourself and LO. Take a break from men, have baby (who will be your focus) and then find someone who will treat you in a way you deserve. And, sure, your OH hasn't always treated you like rubbish but I think to treat you like this now--whilst carrying his child, just proves what a selfish, disrespectful idiot he is.

Best.xx

 

[xxfluffyxx]

Hi hun,

I am 24 and FOB is 20, 21 in Sept. He acts just like your FOB. I think it's an age thing unfortunately. They get all excited in the beginning but lose interest until they physically have the baby there. Because you are sick and not up for going out drinking etc right now he sees that as "change" and men don't like change. That aside, there is no excuse for his behaviour.

He will either come round or he won't, but you can't beat yourself up about it and risk your health by running after this man and punishing yourself for his disgusting behaviour. You and your baby deserve better.

Leave him be, let him come to you. If he doesn't come running, then he was never worth it, as heartbreaking as that is to deal with, but you will move on. x

thanks for your reply!! its reassuring to know there are others in a similar position!! im so sad i dnt wanna get up in the morning!...at the moment "HE" is away with the reserves army for a week!! and away from his stupid imature friends and drinking etc!! im a member too but obviously couldnt go due to my pregnancy!! , and i know theres no time for much fun!! its tiring and evry1s in bed by 12!! im really hoping the time away may make sumthin SNAP and he will realise what hes lost/losing!....and give him time out to think!! gonna hav 2 be very careful though if im to have anything to do with him!! perhaps it is an age thing like you said!! imature idiots!...Im hopin hes just scared tbh!! who knows!

 

[xxfluffyxx]

guys am i doing the right thing? ignoring him and not chasing? its been nearly 3 weeks!!! I know how much he wanted to go shopping etc for baby things and how excited he has been and didnt wannw miss the hospital!! have tried to scare him by telling him his behaviours disgusting and not good enough for me and baby and that ill update my facebook wen i give birth! how do you make sum1 like that copp on and wake up!!!???? and come back...:'(...r the best way for him to "chase" me?

 

[xJG30]

Welcome :wave:

 

[gemabee]

ur doin the right thing hun... don't go after him!
its not jus an age thing its a maturity thing... my fob is 30 nd pretends me nd lo don't exist... when i'm out in the pub or somewhere with friends... he can be stood next to me nd just looks at me nd walks away.
but i found jus lettin him go... not contactin him nd jus concentratin on me nd lo has made me soooo strong.
hang in there hun nd if u ever need someone to talk to or rant at jus give me a shout.
xxxxxx
ps. when are u due?

 

[xxfluffyxx]

GEMABEE!
am due october 9th!! well so they told me at my scan ) and thank you!! could really do with ANY support!! am glad I joined this thing!! xx

 

[gemabee]

just added u as a friend hun
message me whenever u need to talk xx

 

[xxfluffyxx]

ahaha! ok thanks...still figurin this thing out tbh

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Hi hun,

I am 24 and FOB is 20, 21 in Sept. He acts just like your FOB. I think it's an age thing unfortunately. They get all excited in the beginning but lose interest until they physically have the baby there. Because you are sick and not up for going out drinking etc right now he sees that as "change" and men don't like change. That aside, there is no excuse for his behaviour.

He will either come round or he won't, but you can't beat yourself up about it and risk your health by running after this man and punishing yourself for his disgusting behaviour. You and your baby deserve better.

Leave him be, let him come to you. If he doesn't come running, then he was never worth it, as heartbreaking as that is to deal with, but you will move on. x

thanks for your reply!! its reassuring to know there are others in a similar position!! im so sad i dnt wanna get up in the morning!...at the moment "HE" is away with the reserves army for a week!! and away from his stupid imature friends and drinking etc!! im a member too but obviously couldnt go due to my pregnancy!! , and i know theres no time for much fun!! its tiring and evry1s in bed by 12!! im really hoping the time away may make sumthin SNAP and he will realise what hes lost/losing!....and give him time out to think!! gonna hav 2 be very careful though if im to have anything to do with him!! perhaps it is an age thing like you said!! imature idiots!...Im hopin hes just scared tbh!! who knows!

How bizarre....my FOB is in the army too! I thought these army lads were meant to be stand up guys with respect.....

 

[xxfluffyxx]

to white geisha! well its the reserves(part time) army over here in Ireland like! Im in it too any 1 can dress up in a MANS uniform!! the irony of it all!! some men they are!!!

 

[macsmummy]

hey there. i got ur message. wow! uv had a hell of alot to deal with. and ur last few weeks are rough enough to deal with without the hassle from a selfish man!. It sounds very like the break upwith my ex. As much as ul be fed up this is meant to be the time where ur geting excited nd being carefree about ur baby coming. I really hope iv got plenty support round u for ur 1st couple of months with the wee 1 here. U were saying u wanted to go to college too. U know what u want to do. Its great u know u still want to get on and do something. Il leave my number. If u could do with getting ur mind off things. Always helps me! Lol take care hun! Lisa xxx
07584412621 x

 

[xxfluffyxx]

thanks hun!! I do have alot of support from my mam at home!! that jerk wnt stop with the texts though!! really doin my head in! he suddenly cares that theres a baby!! Although nevr acknowlegd before!! I should be enjoying the last few weeks instead im worried.com!

 

[mommy2baby2]

Sorry to read that you are going through this! What terrible timing on his part! And it doesn't help at all being pregnant and hormonal.

Do you have a relationship with his family? How have they responded to you being pregnant? I know you want him involved and I'm sure he wants to be too but perhaps is just scared and his immature friends aren't helping. But maybe if you can talk to his family (assuming they are supportive) they can help talk some sense in to him.

If that's not an option you could always test the waters and tell him you're going in to labor and headed to the hospital...see how long it takes him to respond and if he does, what his response is... I hate to advocate lying but maybe he needs an eye opener to realize that he may possibly be risking his first child's entrance into the world...something he will never ever be able to get back. But since he has hurt and abandoned you, I wouldn't be too quick to just let him waltz right back in to your life. And don't let him manipulate your emotions either (if he gets to that point), he's only doing it to get what he wants out of you and after he gets it, you'll go back to being nothing to him (like before).

 

[xxfluffyxx]

Sorry to read that you are going through this! What terrible timing on his part! And it doesn't help at all being pregnant and hormonal.

Do you have a relationship with his family? How have they responded to you being pregnant? I know you want him involved and I'm sure he wants to be too but perhaps is just scared and his immature friends aren't helping. But maybe if you can talk to his family (assuming they are supportive) they can help talk some sense in to him.

If that's not an option you could always test the waters and tell him you're going in to labor and headed to the hospital...see how long it takes him to respond and if he does, what his response is... I hate to advocate lying but maybe he needs an eye opener to realize that he may possibly be risking his first child's entrance into the world...something he will never ever be able to get back. But since he has hurt and abandoned you, I wouldn't be too quick to just let him waltz right back in to your life. And don't let him manipulate your emotions either (if he gets to that point), he's only doing it to get what he wants out of you and after he gets it, you'll go back to being nothing to him (like before).

)
OH MY GOD!!!
I only read your message now and you will not believe what actuallt happened yeaterday/lastnight!!....first off his family havnt bothered contacting me in a month(which really did surprise me)...Anyway,yesterday when going to the toilet I was finished and experienced a gush of (i dnt know what),wasnt feelin right all day and have had very heavy discharge/watery too! neway my mam told me to ring the hospital for advice, they said it could have been my waters and that Id have to go in for an examination.I phned him and he said if i went to his house hed take me straight in....on the way to his house I recieved 20 call credit and a message from him saying he was biting his nails and would I hurry up or call him!...when I did reach him he opened the car door 4 me and was really nice(I was surprised!)....My heart was pounding!!!...anyway we got there,he was nice,went to the shop and bought me icecream and a drink and crisps etc...and stayed with me!......had a monitor out on my tummy to check babys heartrate and was told Id have to have an intermal examination to c if the waters had gone! i was terrified!! anyway he waited and we talked..i told him how much he hurt me etc(bashed him a bit badlt tellin him his faults) but it had to be done!! he went out 4 a few cigarettes in between and did apologise,he said the relationship couldnt go back to the way it was with us fighting etc and I agreed!! and he kept going on and on about "his son" who he didn evn acknowlege existed till now! I told him i needed his support and hed let me down sooo much that we were supposed to be his family! and how sad I was going to visits alone and sitting waiting for him the day I turned 21!! and how it wasnt good enough!! 4 me or the baby! He offered me money and I told him it wouldnt make up 4 it..why couldnt he just be there.....then the doc came in,the FOB was gonna leave as it was awkward since were "not a couple" anymore...but when the doctor was a male and also foreign and a bit strange I asked if He would stay! I was really scared and never even had a smear test before! ...He did stay but was like he wasnt there at all! I was shaking and longing to hold onto him or his hand for dear life for support!! and couldnt! I dont know whether it was because he more than likely felt really really awkward and stayed back out of respect for me,,or he just wasnt bothered because were not in a relationship anymore!! im going over everything again and again in my head! whe the doc left he gave me a big hug and asked was i ok! i explained how hed been the only 1 who ever saw me"down there" and how it was intrusive! I dont know where I stand !!!he was away with the army for a week and let on to every1 that we were still together,including his work colleuges!! WHY?? He said over and over how hed be there,and wanted to prepare,get my room ready,hang out,go babyshopping together etc with me!! BUT NOT AS A COUPLE!...........Which I think is really unfair,its like he wants all of the benifits and privilages he walked away from but with no commitment/strings attatched this really upset me after everything iv been through! Iv been fine coping with my family and friends for the past few weeks and if he doesnt want me,only the baby then thats fine,he can have access,but I dont wanna see him until the childs born if thats the case!! am I been unreasonable ladies??? ..........so anyway he wants to come babyshopping with me tomorrow,mam says I should let him and see how things go between us,then to sit down and say to him:your in ....or your not...you cant have it every way that suits you.if your only interested in the baby you can see him when he is born,If not then STEP UP now! and be there for us,even taking things slow and not jumping straight back into it!! I cannot deal with much more of this stress!! and was pissed off today to get a text from his mam askin would she buy baby bottles!! none of them have showed an interest in weeks and just bcoz I end up in hospital they bother...she has been horrible to me!! I dnt know what to do....honest! on a good note though he said he hasnt and wont be with anyone else for a long time and he got to see the baby on the scan monitor and also feel him kicking!! maybe that will open his eyes a little !! ..............i hope.......

 

[mommy2baby2]

I'm glad that he was there for you when you went ot the hospital and that you guys were able to talk everything through...sort of.

Honestly, he's already given you his answer. He cares about you as the mother of his child but doesn't want to be with you. You will only be putting yourself through more stress and heartache if you keep giving him opportunities to be with you when he doesn't want that. Take advantage of the shopping trips and gifts because you never know how fast it might all change and he (and his fam) might decide that they don't have to contribute anything unless there is a court order (for him to do so).

Whatever you do, don't give him the honor of giving your baby his last name. He is not your husband and is not planning on being with you. There is absolutely no reason that your son can't have your last name...but of course that is entirely up to you though but most single mom's I've met regret giving their baby their ex's last name...especially when it turns out that he is a POS and a half-assed father...

 

[MissJ]

Im doing this on my own aswell, me and my ex was together for 2 and a half year.. when i found out i was pregnant he told me to get rid of it or he would leave me. I couldnt go through with a abortion so im now doing it alone..

Its scary and lonely but i know at the end its going to be so worth it.. you will have someone to care for who will love you no matter what.. Thats all im trying to think about at the moment.

Add me as a friend if you wanna talk or something

Hope this kinda helps good luck aswell xx

 

[xxfluffyxx]

Im doing this on my own aswell, me and my ex was together for 2 and a half year.. when i found out i was pregnant he told me to get rid of it or he would leave me. I couldnt go through with a abortion so im now doing it alone..

Its scary and lonely but i know at the end its going to be so worth it.. you will have someone to care for who will love you no matter what.. Thats all im trying to think about at the moment.

Add me as a friend if you wanna talk or something

Hope this kinda helps good luck aswell xx

hey! THANKS FOR YOUR MSG!! it did help!! You did the right thing!! obviously,and ye its really tough..but will only make us stronger...Il add you and feel free to msg me its great here lots of support! wen you due? x

 

[MissJ]

Its ok hun were all in different situations but all doing the same thing and its great to know your not alone even tho you do feel like it at times...

I'm due 8th of april, long way to go yet. Cant wait tho .. Yeh add me when you due? xx