Vexed & Perplexed - 11 days late, BFN HPT & Beta

[Hortensia]

Wahinegir1 - best of luck with your scan tomorrow a.m. I hope you get some answers, preferably the answer you want Props for you for putting up with the crazies for a few weeks; I'm sure I would have been driven to distraction!!

We have two cats, a male and female (non-related). The male is such a baby - he has a morning routine of jumping into bed with DH and myself and cuddling up under my chin with his legs across my shoulders, purring loudly. DH thinks its a ploy to get me up to give him his breakfast, but I think a large part of it is just for affection and reassurance. Love your cats names too

Re the caffeine and alcohol - I used to work in a profession which was a pretty hard-drinking culture, and tbh you just find yourself joining in because that's what everyone does. Not the best, and I'm glad I changed direction. I have cut back quite a bit but still enjoy a glass or two of wine with dinner every now and again, and I like my single malt whisky and soda the odd time too. I smiled when I read that your doctor had laughed at the drastic diet plan. I guess those guys see so many women get pregnant with no special lifestyle modifications - as you say, junkies and alcoholics - but I think that trying to be healthier gives us a sense of control where otherwise we would feel no control. I have a reasonably healthy diet generally and not overweight (rather have had the opposite problem and formerly an ED) so I'm just making sure I get fresh vegetables and fruit and otherwise not doing much differently. Am taking B vits, D3 (which I always supplement anyway), and CoQ10. I've also moderated my exercise.

I'm very interested to see what your FS has to say to you, and hope you can just move on with your treatment. €900 worth of injectibles - eep!! And that's just for IUI? What are they? (I know nothing about the IUI process)

 

[2have4kids]

Hortensia, Still no change. I am 2 days away from being 4 weeks late. No symptoms of any sort (AF, pregnancy, or otherwise). I've got 3 days to wait until I get the ultrasound at the dr. Monday morning I will probably be there an hour-and-a-ahalf early just to make sure that I get in that morning. Luckily I've already pushed myself over the "crazy" edge, now I am just "get along with it already". During the first week of being late and negative tests, we went ahead & bought the meds for our 3rd round of IUI. Now I have 900 euros of injectibles sitting in my fridge.

Last time I meant to respond to your thing about cutting down of caffeine & alcohol but I forgot. When we first started to conceive, I went off both and began a pretty strict organic diet. (My GYN in the States laughed and shook his head when I told him this). It may help, but it obviously hasn't for us. After a year and 2 m/c's I said "forget it". You know, when I just knew something was wrong with the first pregnancy, everyone was like "Stop worrying, you're fine. Even crack addicts and alcoholics get pregnant and have babies" (Of course, after the m/c, people started to apologize for brushing my concerns off). But I realized that I was driving myself mad and all for naught. Then I realized that I have some friends who are very overweight - they've gotten pregnant and had healthy babies. Every *body* is different.

So now I eat healthy just for us and prefer organic just because. We have a large garden and live in the country so it is easy to control what we are eating. But we live in France. You almost have wine for breakfast here! I moderate just because. And during my 2WW I have maybe a glass twice a week (actually it is guilt that keeps me from having more).

I would say the most important thing during this time of TTC is to get as much Folic Acid as you can and (as always for women) make sure you are getting Iron. If you are not on prenatals, get on them. You can get them in the USA and in France over-the-counter (without a script).

And yeah, Pippin (the cat) is my baby. Back in 2010, within 4 months I had lost a very dear friend very quickly to cancer, the littermate of my other cat to a blood clot and has our first m/c. During the middle of all this, I came across Pippin at the animal shelter. I guess because all of that, I have heaped (maybe too much) love on him. He is pretty spoiled but he is a lot of fun. It is so funny because until we moved to France (he was about 1 1/2 yrs old), he had never seen a child. Now all the neighbors' kids come over to love on him and he is so patient with them. My female cat, Morwen, can't stand them (or Pippin or DH or anyone other than me) but she's good about staying out-of-the-way. And yes, I am a literary nerd and have named my cats after Tolkien characters.

As promised, I will keep you both posted. I hope we can continue this thread for advice, support or general ranting!

I've been following this thread, you ladies are very well spoken and handling things in extremely professional manner. Wahinegirl, can't wait to hear some positive news and even if it's not a bp then just a step into a positive direction would be a relief to hear too.
I share a love of cats, last year our 8 year old girl 'McKenzie' died in my arms from an asthma attack, I had helped her through 3previous attacks withan emergency kit but she woke us too late at 5am in her full fledged attack-it was horrific. After she died we started fostering pregnant mom cats and the watching the process, helping kittens & mom find forever homes helped heal my heart and forget about that day. Now we have a little spritely girl cat 'Enya' and an 8 year old male cat 'Angus' who's 18 solid pounds of love. They are the angels that fill the void of having babies in my home. I will add babies one day (hopefully soon).
In the mean time I've filled my life with creative projects, home renos, a busy social life and researching infertility. I really appreciate reading about the lives of others on B&B.
I don't think it's insignificant to want to have an organic, fresh diet when so much of our food is inundated with chemicals. It's too bad when doctors are sarcastic about this. I agree with H, it allows us some control over our predicament. For me, the most stress comes from not having control over the outcome, having control over my diet, supplements, excercise, things that i do everyday to make me happy, helps me deal with the forlorn (every month after the tww that we fail). Each month I've learned new things that help me want to keep going. And reading snippets of beautiful women around the world ttc like me are one of those things that make me smile and feel I'm in good company- so thanks!
It's my birthday today, I'm 37 and without a bfp, this will be the year, I hope for many of us ltttc'ers we'll see success. I hope there's a board in the pregnancy section for ltttc'er ladies too as a way to stck together through the good times too.

 

[Meado]

Hi 2Have4kids, great of you to join the thread. Happy birthday! I am 38 a week tomorrow and I have to say, do not want it to be my birthday. I never thought I'd be 38 before I had a baby and now my goal is to have one before I am 39. I hope this will be the year for both of us (all of us actually)

Wahinegir1, I'm wishing you luck with every bone in my body and hope that you either have the news we are all hoping for or an explanation that will help you on your journey. Whatever the outcome I'd love us to continue this thread.

Just to add to the diet and supplement conversation; I've lost 18 pounds in the last year, mainly for our wedding but as a result have a very healthy bmi and think it's helpful to maintain it whilst ttc. We always cook from scratch (so no packet meals), I've cut down on caffine and whereas I used to have a diet coke everyday I now have 1 or 2 cans a week maximum. I still enjoy the odd glass or half a bottle of wine but tend to limit it to a few glasses a week in the 2ww. I have been taking a simple folic acid supplement but on the advice of a friend I am about to move on to a more complex pregnacare supplement which also has iron and B12 in it I think. I enjoy exercise (as much as anyone honestly really does), my favourite class being Zumba. I asked the instructor about doing the class whilst ttc and she recommended that I stopped only once pregnant so it's fair to say that when I am in the 2ww I do not "go for it" as much as I do if I am not. I've not run since ttc and so, like you Hortensia, I guess I have moderated my exercise a little.

Hortensia, I'd love to understand CoQ10 some more, would you recommend it?

I'm afraid I don't own any cats - I hope I am still allowed to contribute to this thread despite this news. I'd love a pet but it's not practical with the hours that DH and I work.

 

[2have4kids]

LolMeado, you don't need to have fur balls to join and thanks so much for the birthday wishes. Well at 38 you can still be a mom of two or three, it's just a number. I hope your birthday is fabulous.
CoQ10 was recommended to me by my bf who happen's to be a nurse. I used it for my heart palpitations while I was running. Then was diagnosed with severe arthritis and quit running but kept on with the coq10 as it's one of the best antioxidants on the market. Not only will you prevent cancer but you will improve the quality of your eggs. The egg quality claim was proven by a group of Canadian scientists who used it on rats-it worked really well. Anyway, it's oil based, take it with food. I take 800mg (400mg twice/day). vit e is the next best antioxidant and vit c has studies with higher rates of preg too.
I hope you're all having a great weekend. I'm off to bed now.

 

[wahinegir1]

AAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Just typed a pretty long response to all you Ladies and my browser crashed before I could post. Par for the course to my day so far.

I will give you all the abbreviated version, then I would like to respond to all of you in the next couple of days. (Also, welcome 2Have4Kids)

Ultrasound - no pregnancy, huge follicle (19mm), endometrium good (11mm). Bloodwork shows elevated progesterone which means I am not ovulating, so the huge follicle must be a cyst. Dr prescribed Duphaston for 10 days to kick start the period. Next cycle we do for IUI#3.

Lesson here: don't just take your FSH injectible without having the trigger shot because you'll just get giant follicles with no ovulation.

I am ok, I pretty much expected this to be the outcome - although I admit there was a teeny part of me that wanted a big surprise this morning. At least there isn't anything really wrong. (Except for the fact that my appointment was at 10:30AM and I didn't get seen until noon AND the doctor didn't even know why I was there, which again confirms that her secretaries are not sharing my information with her when I call)

So I will catch up with you Ladies in a day or so. Thanks for your support!

 

[Hortensia]

I've been following this thread, you ladies are very well spoken and handling things in extremely professional manner. Wahinegirl, can't wait to hear some positive news and even if it's not a bp then just a step into a positive direction would be a relief to hear too.
I share a love of cats, last year our 8 year old girl 'McKenzie' died in my arms from an asthma attack, I had helped her through 3previous attacks withan emergency kit but she woke us too late at 5am in her full fledged attack-it was horrific. After she died we started fostering pregnant mom cats and the watching the process, helping kittens & mom find forever homes helped heal my heart and forget about that day. Now we have a little spritely girl cat 'Enya' and an 8 year old male cat 'Angus' who's 18 solid pounds of love. They are the angels that fill the void of having babies in my home. I will add babies one day (hopefully soon).
In the mean time I've filled my life with creative projects, home renos, a busy social life and researching infertility. I really appreciate reading about the lives of others on B&B.
I don't think it's insignificant to want to have an organic, fresh diet when so much of our food is inundated with chemicals. It's too bad when doctors are sarcastic about this. I agree with H, it allows us some control over our predicament. For me, the most stress comes from not having control over the outcome, having control over my diet, supplements, excercise, things that i do everyday to make me happy, helps me deal with the forlorn (every month after the tww that we fail). Each month I've learned new things that help me want to keep going. And reading snippets of beautiful women around the world ttc like me are one of those things that make me smile and feel I'm in good company- so thanks!
It's my birthday today, I'm 37 and without a bfp, this will be the year, I hope for many of us ltttc'ers we'll see success. I hope there's a board in the pregnancy section for ltttc'er ladies too as a way to stck together through the good times too.

2have4kids - Happy (belated) Birthday!!

Hope you had a special day. 37 is nothing, btw

You know, I lurked on this section a lot last year, and many of the ladies who were on the 35+ have since had their babies, so I'm completely convinced that will happen for most of the women currently on the boards too.

 

[Hortensia]

Meado,

I think you're right about the BMI - I think it does make a difference, and apart from TTC it's just better for long-term health. My OH is a big guy but has lost about 2 stone in the past 3 months - when he sets his mind to it he has a will of iron - and I'm proud of him for doing it. I've been away working for part of this year and since I do most of the cooking it was pretty easy for him to eat naughty stuff over the winter and the result was a pretty hefty weight gain Even the cat was overweight when I came back - he's been on a diet too and I've managed to get him down to a healthy BMI

My OH is the one with the sweet tooth in this outfit - my downfall is salty snacks. I try to avoid having crisps in the house because tbh if I know they are there I will hunt them down and demolish them until they are no more!!

I've decided moderate exercise is the way to go, so it's a brisk 30 min walk most days, when I'm not being a lazy ass...

Re. the CoQ10 - I started this about a fortnight ago. I'm only taking 50mg of ubiquinol (the more active form) daily, though I know loads of people on here are on much higher doses and it's fine at higher doses. It's mainly the expense keeps me on 50mg - it costs a fortune!! As 2have4kids says, it has anti-oxidant properties and is supposed to help with energy, and goodness knows I could do with that. I can't say there's been an appreciable difference, but I'm considering upping my dosage once I get hold of a cheaper source.

Wahinegir1 - glad you finally got an answer to your question!!! At least you finally know what's going on.

Is the giant follicle a direct result of not taking the trigger shot? I hope af comes soon and you can get back on track. I wanted to ask you - how is your DH with IUI? It's just that I can't imagine mine going through the whole providing sperm process and I know other women on here have had DH's who have had issues with it. Although when you consider what we women have to go through, it's hardly asking much, I think

 

[wahinegir1]

Hey Ladies - I hope you're still around. Sorry it has been so long since I've gotten back to you. this past week has been crazy and not so great. But things are kind of slowing down, so I'd like to try to respond to you all!

Meado - happy very belated birthday! I am there with you, except now I staring down 39 and wondering if I will have yet another birthday without a child. I think I have resolved that we will stop trying next March (trying the treatments). If it doesn't happen by then, I don't know if I am ready to continue this ride. I want us to be a happy, joyful couple - no matter what happens. But these treatments are dragging me down.
And of course, not having pets is ok! Sometimes I worry about myself becoming too attached to my kitties in lieu of having a child. All the doting/nuturing energy I have gets spent on them so they are COMPLETELY spoiled.

2Have4Kids - I feel your pain in regards to your kitty passing away in your arms. My Thorin (yes another Tolkien name), who was a litter brother to Morwen (I actually adopted hei first then the rescue agency conned me into adopting her) passed from a thrown blood clot the day after Halloween 2010. I was the only one home and this was a couple of months after having lost a very dear friend, very quickly, from colon cancer. I was screaming wailing as I was driving Thorin to the vet - I thought they could save him but they couldn't. DH was in a meeting at work so I couldn't get through to him. Oh, it was horrible. A few days later I adopted Pippin then almost 2 months later I had my 1st m/c. So Pippin is VERY babied. But he is sweet and affectionate so I get a little something out of it.


Hortensia - I am not sure what caused the cyst. I am guessing that since I never have had this problem before, it must be the FSH injection without the ovulation trigger. who knows???
Regarding DH and his involvement in the whole process, I think I probably have more of an issue than he does. Although I think it gets weird for him at times too. So far he's had to provide 3 different samples for analysis and 2 for the actual insemination. I think men are more 'indoctrinated' into suffering embarrassing things than women (locker rooms, urinals, etc). I know for him, sitting in a waiting room with a bunch of other guys all waiting for the same thing is a little uneasy. The first time we had to do a sample for analysis, we were back in the USA and were able to make the collection together at home. (We lived less than 5 minutes from the lab) At the last insemination, the dr actually allowed DH to 'push the plunger', which actually injected the sperm through the catheter into my uterus.
Even though I am not a prude, I just don't like pornography - especially in a relationship. For me, it is sad and disheartening the whole sperm collecting process. Because most men need/want some stimulation to get that going. So instead of us having a romantic/steamy session together, he is looking at Photoshopped 'perfect' women to get his rocks off. (Now he doesn't engage in pornography at home) For me, it kind of adds to that 'inadequateness' I sometimes feel.
I don't know if any of that makes sense...ask me if it doesn't and I will try to clarify.

While we were on the subject of health and weight loss...

Before we started this process I was thin - not tiny, but healthy. I am athletically built and spent a lot of time practicing yoga. I was about a size 6-8 (USA sizes) and if I ever dipped below that, people would tell me I looked bad. But since the medication, I feel like a sausage. I have gained so much weight - I have hardly anything that fits - and I refuse to buy anything larger (mostly because things are SO expensive in France). I haven't much motivation to exercise although I have all the time in the world. I've bought some yoga DVD's to practice at home and some cardio too. But I also wonder how much is too much - I have this fear of starting to exercise just before a procedure then doing something harmful to the fetus after.

I'll be honest, I am just down. I hate my body, not just because I can't fit into anything anymore - but because in some way I feel betrayed by it. I used to think there was some solace in being able to get pregnant, but what's the good in getting pregnant if I can't stay pregnant?

And you know how women who are pregnant or have had a baby say that they just felt so complete...like they finally discovered the purpose of their body/life? I wonder if it never happens for us, will I always be missing that part of me?

(Now you can probably see why I haven't written in a while, because I am so.down.)

Nevertheless, I press on. I bought some Omega-3 and am taking that as well as the pre-natal vitamins. I've yet to find the CoQ-10 here...maybe I can get someone from the States to send it to me.

I started the Duphaston last Tues to bring on my AF, 2 pills a day for 10 days. Normally AF arrives 10 days after you STOP taking the Duphaston. Well, AF arrived last Fri and she is out-of-control! Today is Wed and I am going through a Super-Plus tampon every couple of hours. Very unusual for me (and annoying). Also, as prescribed, we are doing the 125mg of Puregon (FSH stimulating injection) every night - and we're on night 4 of that. This coming Fri will be CD7 & I have an ultrasound scheduled to monitor ovulation. (I hope AF stops by then) I guess after that we'll probably trigger Sun or Mon and have the insemination Tue or Wed. That is *IF* everything goes well.

Thank you Ladies for being such a great support! I told DH it is so nice to have a group of women who are going through the same thing to bounce thoughts/feelings off of - without judgement. It means very much to me.

 

[wahinegir1]

Hey Ladies! Hope y'all are still there. Small update...

Went for the ultrasound today to monitor the progress of my follicles after taking the FSH for week. I have 7,but only one shows real promise (3 on the right at 16mm, 12mm & 10mm; 4 on the left 10mm (x2), 11mm and 12 mm).

So I do my ovulation trigger tomorrow (Sat) and we go for IUI #3 Mon. Then the drive-me-crazy 2ww begins.

 

[2have4kids]

wahinegir1 I'm sorry about that domino line up of horrific events. How stressful is that! Very glad to hear you had a good strong af even if it was annoying, sets the tone for good things to come. Go follies go! I'm cheering for you all the way over here in canada.
Bonne chance!

 

[wahinegir1]

Thanks! IUI #3 happened today. Unfortunately DH couldn't be there for the actual insemination, nor could my usual dr. So here's hoping the change-up will work some magic?!?

Even though everything says it's ok to resume normal daily activities after the procedure, I am kicking back today and relaxing. I haven't seen this really on other sites, but for me, I experience a lot of cramping and lower-abdominal discomfort the day of/after the insemination. It's like feeling very bloated or gassy - of which I am neither. So really I just feel better relaxing and taking it easy.

How's everyone else? A couple of you were waiting on some test results and talks with our dr's. Any news/developments?

 

[2have4kids]

I did the same after iui, hate that feeling during and gave myself permission to relax afterward. Going to the fc this aft to beg for an autoimmune panel to be done. Everyone keeps ignoring my instincts that what I have going on could be related to my arthritis. I'm a bit peeved that my naturopath didn't order one (the main reason I went), I asked her to and she said it's not necessary. Huh? I've had surgeries, been properly diagnosed stage 4 arthritis why not do some simple bloods and see if there's something going on? Totally annoyed.

 

[wahinegir1]

I had the same problem here in France. I wanted to have a Factor V(5) Leiden done to find out why I have been losing so many pregnancies so early. I really had to push my dr to do them, then she did the auto-immune panels and chromosomal testing. 16 phials of blood later - nada. Everything is normal. But I don't understand why most women have to wait until after a 3rd miscarriage to have these tests done. If I elect to have them done and pay for them, couldn't I save myself some heartache (if there was indeed a factor there)?

I feel like most of these specialists have never gone through fertility treatment. The general blase manner that my group seems to have is almost insulting.

What did you dr say? Are you getting the panels done?

I am in day 3 of the crazies. Really trying to stay calm and not focus on figuring out what every little twinge or hiccup means. Even though I've lost all pregnancies earl, none of them had the same symptoms. I don't even know what to expect.

I am drinking a glass of pineapple juice and another glass of grape juice a day. The silly things we do.

 

[2have4kids]

I had the same problem here in France. I wanted to have a Factor V(5) Leiden done to find out why I have been losing so many pregnancies so early. I really had to push my dr to do them, then she did the auto-immune panels and chromosomal testing. 16 phials of blood later - nada. Everything is normal. But I don't understand why most women have to wait until after a 3rd miscarriage to have these tests done. If I elect to have them done and pay for them, couldn't I save myself some heartache (if there was indeed a factor there)?

I feel like most of these specialists have never gone through fertility treatment. The general blase manner that my group seems to have is almost insulting.

What did you dr say? Are you getting the panels done?

I am in day 3 of the crazies. Really trying to stay calm and not focus on figuring out what every little twinge or hiccup means. Even though I've lost all pregnancies earl, none of them had the same symptoms. I don't even know what to expect.

I am drinking a glass of pineapple juice and another glass of grape juice a day. The silly things we do.

I learned that I have a thyroid problem that came up in the bloods in Feb. Feb! I would have appreciated knowing this during the follow up back in March so that I could have been working on it. She told me now because she wants me to get it better before IVF in nov/dec.
You're right it does feel that they're a little apathetic to the whole thing. It must be nice seeing so many women come in, be totally frustrated and then give them babies but there's much to still be desired in between.
In the end she sent me for genetic testing and I'm happy about that. Baby steps in the right direction. I guess I'm stupidly always shocked when I wind up not pregnant at the end of each month. With all we know, all I'm doing and everything that's been diagnosed, I don't get tired of trying I'm just always surprised that we're not successful. How hard can it be for just 1 get into that big delicious egg? Read that website back and forth and do what you need to do to stop those m/c's. If it means drinking pineapple juice or whatever lol. My hubbie read an article in BBC news that some women are too efficient at getting pregnant. Their bodies don't expell the bad eggs/blasts early on when when they need to, they let everything into pregnancy stage. I was terrified of this as it happened to my mom too. She was on an adoption list when she got pregnant with me. There is hope! Keep your chin up