Violent abusive brother

[WhiteGeisha]

deleted

 

[scottishgal89]

what a horrible situation
if you go to your local council now then you should be viewed as priority.
what age is he?
thats a disgusting way to treat you and i cant believe your parents let him off with that , you and your baby are at risk

imo, fob couldnt use that against you, its not your fault you are treated like that and if you move out and try to protect your child then it will be viewed that you are doing the right thing in getting out of there

xxx

 

[bloodbinds]

You'd be seen as a fit mother because you are taking action to get your baby away from your brother! It would go against you if you stayed there!

Also since you are on maternity pay you would get housing benefit so you should be able to afford a place to rent.

xx

 

[sciencemum]

I would say that it would be good for you to go the the council and put forward for housing. You ARE entitled to it and it cant be used against you.

You will have a house for you and your LO and it will be your home and it's better than living with parents and if he tries for custody, then they will see you in a house for you and the baby and wont want to remove her from her home.

I think it's a positive thing for you anyway.

Even if you found a flat privatley, most councils pay upto 400 housing benefit a month for a single person with a dependant child and you would be entitled to that so if you can take it

 

[scottishgal89]

i rent privately, i found the council were actually looking for more money than private and it was in not good areas to bring a baby into.
i get a lot of help with housing benefit too. if your on income support you should get top amount

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Thanks ladies.

With regard to private renting, my credit rating is poor so I am not sure I will be accepted by an estate agent but I will look into this as the choice is better and at least I have a say in which area I live.

I thought with me having a baby that my parents would become more strict with his bahaviour but in reality by stepdad doesn't like to get involved and my mum is scared of him. He will shout abuse at her for ironing his collar on his t-shirt "wrong" (would be perfectly acceptable to you and I, but not him).

Last night he went to the pub straight from work and had no way of getting home so he text my mum - she said no to picking him up so he sent her abuse after abuse on text until she went.

He then comes home having sunk a few pints of Stella and I ask him nicely to be careful not to knock my toothbrush on the floor and got his abuse.

I asked him to move his car the other day as he was taking up too much room I was struggling to get my car in the space - no power steering - and because he is just nasty and jealous he wouldn't do it and told me he had lost the key.....He hadn't, he just wouldn't move it because it meant doing something for me!

He drinks in the pub with my dad so he gets no discipline from him. Only last year I got woken up in the ealry hrs of the morning by my mum asking me to go to A&E and make sure one of my other brothers was ok (she was about to leave to go on holiday so couldn't herself). Got to the hospital and found one brother with a broken nose and 4 broken front teeth. The brother I live with had started fighted with him and whilst he was on the ground unable to get up to defend himself my vile brother kicked him in the face! My brother had to have an op a few days later on his nose!! Again, within a few days it was forgotten and my brother had gotten away with it.

I watch the dogs cower when he is about and wonder if my daughter will end up like this! He is 22 soon to be 23.

Have downloaded my form today so will fill it out asap. As I will be on maternity pay I will be able to claim housing benefit so that will help!x

 

[Welshcob]

get out honey!!! Sounds bad and will likely get worse. Even if it doesn't this is already no way to have to bring the baby up in. I worried about the same things as you, would social services say I was unfit because I had an abusive fOB. But I have been told by doctor etc that they would see trying to get away as a positive thing and would only consider you and baby vulnerable whilst in the same house. I would advise speaking to doctor and getting advice. Then go to Womens Aid who will be able to advise re housing and keeping safe. I think you may find that there is more help than you think as you are expecting and in a dangerous situation. xxx

 

[sciencemum]

Ha, you should see my credit rating!

Not all estate agents want do credit checks, though they might need a guarentoor.
I am hopefully going (find out very soon) with a private landlord, they are usually pretty good and I have been with them in the past, and they don't want credit checks ect, they just wnt to know you can afford the rent and know that Housing Benefit covers it and then they are pretty good.

I'd look into it love.

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Ha, you should see my credit rating!

Not all estate agents want do credit checks, though they might need a guarentoor.
I am hopefully going (find out very soon) with a private landlord, they are usually pretty good and I have been with them in the past, and they don't want credit checks ect, they just wnt to know you can afford the rent and know that Housing Benefit covers it and then they are pretty good.

I'd look into it love.

What sort of places do you look for these private landlords? My dad managed to get a house with an estate agent but had to stump up 6 months rent as he was self-employed and hadn't had his accounts done for sometime (went off the rails after his second marriage failed - see where my bro gets it from) but I would probably only be able to manage 4 months upfront at a push as i am soon to be going on maternity leave.

I am going to buy some local papers at lunch to look in them. I have checked out the local housing website and could possibly get moved up to the second band of priority for housing once LO actually arrives.

I would prefer to have some choice though and a "nice" place....but I know I can't be picky. It makes me so angry I am forced to move out of home because my mum won't grow a backbone and do something. Thing is, she has this pathetic outlook when it comes to boys - me and bro pay same amount of board yet he gets washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning and packed lunches - she even buys his toiletries and electric toothbrush heads! Me I get nothing. When I challenge this she says "he's a boy"......

Same with household chores. If I so much as leave a cup on the side I get an ear full, yet he does no washing up whatsoever....

My mum seems to favour boys and has done - my eldest brother has a massive cocaine habit and has stolen from the family and been in prison but rather than be tough with him she treats him like he has never done anything wrong in his life and even now refuses to admit he has a cocaine habit....even when he phoned her and asked her for £10k to pay off someone.....!! He doesn't hold down a job, support his son and constantly breaks the law. Yet she will do anything for him!

Thankfully I do have another brother who is lovely - like me, I think he was also the milkman's baby! He has his own house, nice car, good job and is getting married to his GF of 8 years next year - he was the poor sod who had his nose and teeth broken! Although he likes a drink, he is nothing like the other 2 who take more after my dad.

x

 

[Laura2919]

Go to housing and say your brother makes it extremely difficult to live at home.. He has a temper and you dont want it affecting you or your child.. They cant hold that against you. your trying to do the best you can.
Im sorry to say but your brother sounds vile. If he can throw things and worse of all spit at someone then he isnt worth your time or your parents to be honest with you.. I dont know why they allow that behaviour. Id have kicked him out on his arse long time ago!

 

[scottishgal89]

Ha, you should see my credit rating!

Not all estate agents want do credit checks, though they might need a guarentoor.
I am hopefully going (find out very soon) with a private landlord, they are usually pretty good and I have been with them in the past, and they don't want credit checks ect, they just wnt to know you can afford the rent and know that Housing Benefit covers it and then they are pretty good.

I'd look into it love.

What sort of places do you look for these private landlords? My dad managed to get a house with an estate agent but had to stump up 6 months rent as he was self-employed and hadn't had his accounts done for sometime (went off the rails after his second marriage failed - see where my bro gets it from) but I would probably only be able to manage 4 months upfront at a push as i am soon to be going on maternity leave.

I am going to buy some local papers at lunch to look in them. I have checked out the local housing website and could possibly get moved up to the second band of priority for housing once LO actually arrives.

I would prefer to have some choice though and a "nice" place....but I know I can't be picky. It makes me so angry I am forced to move out of home because my mum won't grow a backbone and do something. Thing is, she has this pathetic outlook when it comes to boys - me and bro pay same amount of board yet he gets washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning and packed lunches - she even buys his toiletries and electric toothbrush heads! Me I get nothing. When I challenge this she says "he's a boy"......

Same with household chores. If I so much as leave a cup on the side I get an ear full, yet he does no washing up whatsoever....

My mum seems to favour boys and has done - my eldest brother has a massive cocaine habit and has stolen from the family and been in prison but rather than be tough with him she treats him like he has never done anything wrong in his life and even now refuses to admit he has a cocaine habit....even when he phoned her and asked her for £10k to pay off someone.....!! He doesn't hold down a job, support his son and constantly breaks the law. Yet she will do anything for him!

Thankfully I do have another brother who is lovely - like me, I think he was also the milkman's baby! He has his own house, nice car, good job and is getting married to his GF of 8 years next year - he was the poor sod who had his nose and teeth broken! Although he likes a drink, he is nothing like the other 2 who take more after my dad.

x

they're advertised online sometimes or in your local paper

 

[scottishgal89]

would you consider going to womans aid?
they could help you